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92. Change
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Alpha's sinful mate 93. Dull senses
Shit! SHIT!My heart sinks again as I understand the root cause of this change. The trauma of being abandoned again has gotten to her and she was not dealing well with it. I have broken my promise once more…The sternness of my face melts away as the realization of the gravity of it hits me hard enough to make my stomach swell with guilt and anxiety. My shoulder slouch and I feel the emptiness of my stomach fill with nausea and an almost self destructive drive.I have abandoned my mate once more and this was driving her so close to the edge that the beast trapped within broke the bindings and crawled out in the worst way possible. This kinds of changes were painful and traumatic for the mind and soul as they were, not to talk about them surfacing because of emotional trauma.And it was all my fault…“Maddy -“ my voice cracks, the breath kicked right out of my chest as I process my own thoughts. By the door of the bathroom, she was slouched and her arms wrapped around herself as a def
Alpha's sinful mate 94. Awake
Madelaine’s body gives in and she passes out right in my arms. When I find the strength to let go of her shoulder, to pull back from her flesh I almost feel a little high and nauseated. She is limp like a lifeless doll and the only thing that tells me she is still alive, is the faint beating of her heart. At least she was calm now. She was threatening to claw my eyes out or spill any more blood than what was already spilled. I slowly let go of her arms and she fell forward into my body. I hold her against me for what feels like hours, against that wood door, my face buried into her hair so I can drink in more of her scent.“My mate…” the words come out rasp and dry, my throat itchy and almost painful. My mate. Mine and mine only! “I will never let go of you again.” It was a promise I was not sure who I was addressing it to. Her, me, the world? Part of me knew that I had no right to promise her anything anymore. She’d never believe a thing that left my mouth. She was not going to
Alpha's sinful mate 95. Apology
I’m not even sure if the metal sound of the gun hitting the floor multiple times comes before or after Killian’s arm wrap around me and I am pulled forth with so much force I forgot how to breathe and I get even more dizzy.My whole body feels like it hit a warm wall. His body is so tense and he seems so ready to snap that I am not sure if I was better off falling or not. “Easy now-“ Killain murmurs , his arms wrapped around me while he supports me. My feet barely touch the floor and most of my body weight is supported entirely by him at this moment. I feel so nauseated and dizzy that I could pass right out. But I must not! /Unsafe!/ was the only coherent thought I had in mind right now, and I am not even sure it was mine anymore!“Let go of me -“ I struggle to talk, but Killian doesn’t seem too eager to lean an ear towards what I had to say. Instead, he scoops me up and he walks with me to the couch, where he sits down and pulls me in his lap. My face buried into the crook of his
Alpha's sinful mate 96. All over again
I'm not even sure what to say anymore. Something feels different. Many things actually feel different but I could not put my finger on it. Multiple times, Killian displayed tenderness towards me. But right now, this was different. It was not that it didn't feel genuine, but he was a little more confident that he was able to give me comfort. To offer me what I wanted.And while part of me wanted to gag, push him away and be independent, all I really wanted to do right now was to melt in his arms, to discard any worry that clouds my mind and enjoy life a little more.He could offer me a careless and worry less life, that was certain. But could I turn a blind eye to everything else? To the scars and the wounds he gathered on the way? To the sacrifices he was eager to make just to keep me like this?His hands move slowly down my back in alternating directions, following the curve of my spine, sending soothing impulses throughout all of my body. It was nice. His scent has wrapped itself ar
Alpha's sinful mate 97. Alone again
" I think that works just fine." Killian answers in a low gentle voice after a few moments of silence.My heart hammers like crazy and even if this was something I could never even dream of, part of me felt incredibly anxious. That strange voice that kept echoing in my head was incoherent and muffled by its own howls and growls and accusations that did not quite make sense right now.I'm not sure Killian picks on any. There was a strange separation between myself and the other one. I didn't even know what to call it. Persona? Beast? Inner voice? Fear?It was separate while all together a part of what makes me whole. We could separate and we'd stand as wholes still, but not quite at the same time.Maybe that was why Killian did not feel any connection to it. Maybe he did and he never told me. How could he be so passive when it was so hostile towards him?I slowly pull away from him, an itchy feeling blooming under my skin. I brush at my own arms and breathe in deeply, while I slowly st
Alpha's sinful mate 98. Loud
/They are all the same! Everyone wants us for our abilities! None of them genuinely care for us! None of them genuinely care for our well-being!/The frenzied voice inside my head keeps barking and spitting its venom all over my mind while I absently step into the bathtub. I mostly try to ignore it and wash myself as fast as possible. I didn't need it to grow even more anxious to be separated. The anxiety was deeply rooted within myself right now and it was not helping./We should free ourselves -/ the anger had now somehow dimmed, but the spite and hate is still there, Rooted even deeper than the mindless anger and frustration."Free ourselves from what?" I mumble out loud for myself as I sink into the water, all the way to my chest level.I follow the random pattern the lavender buds float around and wrap my arms around my knees slowly./From greedy wolves and rulers that think they own us!"/"Owns?" I huff and rest my chin on my knees. "Who owns me?"/He thinks he owns you! He orde
Alpha's sinful mate 99. Soul bound
It's more than clear that she is not feeling it right now. She's fidgety and I can see guilt and fear tangled together when she looks at me and our eyes meet. I have no words to describe my own guilt, but feeling guilty was not the right approach around the given situation.My mate needed to heal. And the only way I knew how to be of help was to be around for as long as possible, to regain her trust and be everything she needed right now. Could I do all that? Maybe I could. As long as she is willing to put up with me, I'll do my best to provide all these and more for her.We eventually end up ordering Mexican food that she makes sure to pick carefully. A bit of color returns to her face as she explains to me which was the place with the greatest Mexican food in the whole city anf even slips in a little story about a horrible mishap with the spicy ingredients and how the whole party ended up fighting over the toilet.But as soon as she ends her little story, she realizes I have been li
Alpha's sinful mate 100. Breakfast
Days merge into one another and the only way I feel like I can track time is by the ever growing belly. It’s been around four months now since our baby started growing. It’s been three months of endless back and forth with trying to get close to one another. A tedious process, but one that seemed to reach a steady and peaceful peak. One where I could feel at ease when Killian was not in the same room as me. One where I could feel at peace when he left the house for whatever business there was to be attended.Being the leader of a pack as big as the one we had, was no easy thing, and from the little details he had offered me, he had taken reigns at a very unstable point. The pack was slowly fragmenting and his father did not want to deal with it, so it all fell upon his shoulders.The part of the pack that was on that far off island has been slowly separating and they seemed to have been plotting this for longer than expected. Killian understood the need for separation and he has been
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