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92. Change
Last Updated:
2023-07-08 18:15:09Related chapters
Alpha's sinful mate 93. Dull senses
Shit! SHIT!My heart sinks again as I understand the root cause of this change. The trauma of being abandoned again has gotten to her and she was not dealing well with it. I have broken my promise once more…The sternness of my face melts away as the realization of the gravity of it hits me hard enough to make my stomach swell with guilt and anxiety. My shoulder slouch and I feel the emptiness of my stomach fill with nausea and an almost self destructive drive.I have abandoned my mate once more and this was driving her so close to the edge that the beast trapped within broke the bindings and crawled out in the worst way possible. This kinds of changes were painful and traumatic for the mind and soul as they were, not to talk about them surfacing because of emotional trauma.And it was all my fault…“Maddy -“ my voice cracks, the breath kicked right out of my chest as I process my own thoughts. By the door of the bathroom, she was slouched and her arms wrapped around herself as a def
Last Updated : 2023-07-08Alpha's sinful mate 94. Awake
Madelaine’s body gives in and she passes out right in my arms. When I find the strength to let go of her shoulder, to pull back from her flesh I almost feel a little high and nauseated. She is limp like a lifeless doll and the only thing that tells me she is still alive, is the faint beating of her heart. At least she was calm now. She was threatening to claw my eyes out or spill any more blood than what was already spilled. I slowly let go of her arms and she fell forward into my body. I hold her against me for what feels like hours, against that wood door, my face buried into her hair so I can drink in more of her scent.“My mate…” the words come out rasp and dry, my throat itchy and almost painful. My mate. Mine and mine only! “I will never let go of you again.” It was a promise I was not sure who I was addressing it to. Her, me, the world? Part of me knew that I had no right to promise her anything anymore. She’d never believe a thing that left my mouth. She was not going to
Last Updated : 2023-07-09Alpha's sinful mate 95. Apology
I’m not even sure if the metal sound of the gun hitting the floor multiple times comes before or after Killian’s arm wrap around me and I am pulled forth with so much force I forgot how to breathe and I get even more dizzy.My whole body feels like it hit a warm wall. His body is so tense and he seems so ready to snap that I am not sure if I was better off falling or not. “Easy now-“ Killain murmurs , his arms wrapped around me while he supports me. My feet barely touch the floor and most of my body weight is supported entirely by him at this moment. I feel so nauseated and dizzy that I could pass right out. But I must not! /Unsafe!/ was the only coherent thought I had in mind right now, and I am not even sure it was mine anymore!“Let go of me -“ I struggle to talk, but Killian doesn’t seem too eager to lean an ear towards what I had to say. Instead, he scoops me up and he walks with me to the couch, where he sits down and pulls me in his lap. My face buried into the crook of his
Last Updated : 2023-07-09Alpha's sinful mate 96. All over again
I'm not even sure what to say anymore. Something feels different. Many things actually feel different but I could not put my finger on it. Multiple times, Killian displayed tenderness towards me. But right now, this was different. It was not that it didn't feel genuine, but he was a little more confident that he was able to give me comfort. To offer me what I wanted.And while part of me wanted to gag, push him away and be independent, all I really wanted to do right now was to melt in his arms, to discard any worry that clouds my mind and enjoy life a little more.He could offer me a careless and worry less life, that was certain. But could I turn a blind eye to everything else? To the scars and the wounds he gathered on the way? To the sacrifices he was eager to make just to keep me like this?His hands move slowly down my back in alternating directions, following the curve of my spine, sending soothing impulses throughout all of my body. It was nice. His scent has wrapped itself ar
Last Updated : 2023-07-10Alpha's sinful mate 97. Alone again
" I think that works just fine." Killian answers in a low gentle voice after a few moments of silence.My heart hammers like crazy and even if this was something I could never even dream of, part of me felt incredibly anxious. That strange voice that kept echoing in my head was incoherent and muffled by its own howls and growls and accusations that did not quite make sense right now.I'm not sure Killian picks on any. There was a strange separation between myself and the other one. I didn't even know what to call it. Persona? Beast? Inner voice? Fear?It was separate while all together a part of what makes me whole. We could separate and we'd stand as wholes still, but not quite at the same time.Maybe that was why Killian did not feel any connection to it. Maybe he did and he never told me. How could he be so passive when it was so hostile towards him?I slowly pull away from him, an itchy feeling blooming under my skin. I brush at my own arms and breathe in deeply, while I slowly st
Last Updated : 2023-07-11Alpha's sinful mate 98. Loud
/They are all the same! Everyone wants us for our abilities! None of them genuinely care for us! None of them genuinely care for our well-being!/The frenzied voice inside my head keeps barking and spitting its venom all over my mind while I absently step into the bathtub. I mostly try to ignore it and wash myself as fast as possible. I didn't need it to grow even more anxious to be separated. The anxiety was deeply rooted within myself right now and it was not helping./We should free ourselves -/ the anger had now somehow dimmed, but the spite and hate is still there, Rooted even deeper than the mindless anger and frustration."Free ourselves from what?" I mumble out loud for myself as I sink into the water, all the way to my chest level.I follow the random pattern the lavender buds float around and wrap my arms around my knees slowly./From greedy wolves and rulers that think they own us!"/"Owns?" I huff and rest my chin on my knees. "Who owns me?"/He thinks he owns you! He orde
Last Updated : 2023-07-13Alpha's sinful mate 99. Soul bound
It's more than clear that she is not feeling it right now. She's fidgety and I can see guilt and fear tangled together when she looks at me and our eyes meet. I have no words to describe my own guilt, but feeling guilty was not the right approach around the given situation.My mate needed to heal. And the only way I knew how to be of help was to be around for as long as possible, to regain her trust and be everything she needed right now. Could I do all that? Maybe I could. As long as she is willing to put up with me, I'll do my best to provide all these and more for her.We eventually end up ordering Mexican food that she makes sure to pick carefully. A bit of color returns to her face as she explains to me which was the place with the greatest Mexican food in the whole city anf even slips in a little story about a horrible mishap with the spicy ingredients and how the whole party ended up fighting over the toilet.But as soon as she ends her little story, she realizes I have been li
Last Updated : 2023-07-14Alpha's sinful mate 100. Breakfast
Days merge into one another and the only way I feel like I can track time is by the ever growing belly. It’s been around four months now since our baby started growing. It’s been three months of endless back and forth with trying to get close to one another. A tedious process, but one that seemed to reach a steady and peaceful peak. One where I could feel at ease when Killian was not in the same room as me. One where I could feel at peace when he left the house for whatever business there was to be attended.Being the leader of a pack as big as the one we had, was no easy thing, and from the little details he had offered me, he had taken reigns at a very unstable point. The pack was slowly fragmenting and his father did not want to deal with it, so it all fell upon his shoulders.The part of the pack that was on that far off island has been slowly separating and they seemed to have been plotting this for longer than expected. Killian understood the need for separation and he has been
Last Updated : 2023-07-15
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Alpha's sinful mate 126. Happy birthday
Altair and Aaron. Two bright stars on the endless sky that life is and can be. Two perfect little angel who just happened to hit a bit of a road bump right before they were even welcomed into the world. Born a bit too small and frail to be allowed to fly, the two little angels have been confined to secure chambers that helped them grow and develop their flight wings.Or at least, until they were ready to be taken home.That day came way too late.I was growing insane walking these brightly lighted corridors, always watched by nurses, always told what to do, how to touch and how to not touch them. It took so long for me to be allowed to actually hold my children that I actually had a breakdown right in front of the maternity when I was told I had to wait a few more days. I still did not get to properly hold either of them, but seeing them, and getting to touch their little hands and feet was enough to keep me sane.Not to mention that the mating bond was burning like a bright fire insi
Alpha's sinful mate 125. Mate
Everything hurts. There is nothing in my body that is untouched by pain.I hear voices around me and I don't entirely care if they are nurses or people who think of themselves as being close to me, but I don't want to wake up yet. The pain is too much and my mind slips back into nothingness.***I think... I think it's later. I might have died. But the pain that still clings to my body is still sharp and very much present. The voices around have changed. And I can feel a warm touch that squeezes my hand. I can feel lips pressed against my knuckles. I can feel a soft breath brush against my skin.A rush of tingles wafts under my skin and makes me feel slightly more alive as it pools energy into my chest, making my heart flutter slightly. My eyes slowly open and I try to blink away the haze from my eyes.I try to remember what happened. I try to remember the last thing I remember, but my memory is too foggy right now.I was certain I was in a hospital. Have I given birth? Was I even ali
Alpha's sinful mate 124. Young Father
Dread takes hold of me, gripping my heart with an iron fist that makes my anxiety spike alongside fear and other things while I walked behind the nurse that didn't bother to give me too many details. Actually until we stopped in front of a glass wall, she didn't give me any details at all.She stops abruptly and turns to the glass wall, pointing in a rather vague direction inside the room."The twins have been born hours ago. Two prematurely born children who are not in great condition -" she tells me with a flat, emotionless voice before she looks up at me." they have a chance of survival, but we would not put our hopes too high into it. Better expect the worse and have a great surprise. " she tells and I feel like I want to strangle her.Was the the way one delivers news to a new father?My eyes drift from her figure to the glass wall, behind which I can see two small, incredibly small, pink and strange looking babies. Some of us are born with ears and tails, but my babies were so v
Alpha's sinful mate 123. The waiting room
I’m not entirely sure how or when, but one thing is sure. Demetri beats me to the hospital. By the time I made it there, the man was already filling in details about the patient he had just brought in, even if they already had all her files. They demanded to know what happened, and as this was a hospital for the likes of us and more, Demetri did not spare a detail. I find him covered in blood from chest down and I don’t have to ask to know it was not his. The feeling of guilt and incredible nausea wash over me with such force I feel like I am about to throw up as soon as Demetri’s gaze moes and meets mine. I can feel the judgment behind those green eyes.I could feel the fingers he mentally pointed at me in an accusatory way. Demetri yearned for a mate and he could simply not understand how does a mated wolf get in this situation? How does a mated wolf treat his mate in order to have her risk everything in the Moonfire Eclipse unbinding ceremony?I make my way towards him and fall i
Alpha's sinful mate 122. Lost and Found
The chants that ring and echo through the forest barely reach my ears anymore. There is a magic buzzing in the air that surrounds my body, that makes my skin prickle and turn to goosebumps as if it was tickling me. It could feel a mild tingle under my skin, but in the beginning everything seemed fine.It seemed....It was not long after when the contractions started. At first, they were dull and faint, making just some of my abdominal muscles spasm and contract. And of course, I thought this was just because of my anxiety. But they have become a bit harsher, a bit more insistent.It didn't matter... Nothing mattered now. I had to focus on Killian. I had to focus on me... I had to focus on my wish.A low grunt humms along with the strange chanting of thw witch who doesn't seem to pick on my discomfort. My arms wrap around my belly, my hands going underneath it and above it, Stroking it slowly, trying to soothe the strange contractions. I have read about them. Any pregnant woman does.F
Alpha's sinful mate 121. Clearing in the woods
As I get in the car, I get even more uneasy and anxious. Something was off and I am not sure if it was just the fact that the moon was completely covered by clouds and it felt as if nothing was alive, or if it was just a sense of anxiety because I was so damn close to fulfilling my wish.Nevertheless, it did not matter! I was very firm on my decision. Nothing could make me change my mind now! I needed this! Thalia gets in the car with me and I barely get to settle down before she drives off like a damn maniac, making my heart skip a beat.“Where exactly are we going?” I ask half heartedly. Maybe this was a good question to ask before I had climbed in the car…She looks at me for a brief second before looking ahead on the road. A car passes by us and I feel myself grow smaller in my seat. That must be Demetri’s car. Nonetheless, it seems that he doesn't actually notice us, because he drives past without a damn sign he will stop.Why does part of me wish he would…“It’s a bit of a more
Alpha's sinful mate 120. Guarded
I didn’t even know what to say. I had already made up my mind about it. I have even come in contact with the right person to perform the ceremony. I could not wait another hundred years for the Moonfire Eclipse to happen again. I did not want to live my life short and meaningless.. I did not want to die waiting hoping to feel what I want to feel, craving and longing for it the way I am doing now. But it seemed like Killian was very adamant about his decision. He would not support me in this /madness/ as so many called it. It slowly started to set in for me. That I did not ask for the proper support. That this was not something I should rely on others to support me through.I slowly look away from him and I feel his eyes move to me now. His breathing was shallow and uneven and I could tell he was fighting back his tears. It did not feel right to put more pressure on him though, so I leaned into him again and remained silent.The man let out a long sigh, his nose burying into my hair,
Alpha's sinful mate 119. Sly fox
Killian runs out of the room like a whole damn storm, leaving nothing but splinters, broken things and pain. It was not as if it did not already hurt, but the turned back, the absolute betrayal I feel coming from him digs deep into my chest, pain pooling within my wounded heart.It was something to be expected, wasn’t it? Men were usually like that weren’t they? It was as it every and each one of them was a carbon copy of the previous one and so on and so forth. Our kind has seen them come and go, all as heartless as they made them. It was no surprise that he was just another brick in the wall- or at least that’s what I kept telling myself as I am once more in this god forsaken room I was slowly growing to hate.As my whole being shakes with my crying, the twins in my belly start getting fussy and agitated, kicking and moving tirelessly around as if they were on a damn dancefloor. It hurt, but it did not compare to the pain that was crashing over me in waves, as the sea crashed again
Alpha's sinful mate 118. Broken
Her brows are narrowed and her eyes are dark and her attitude unmoving. She seemed to have made up her mind without even asking me first. As I turn to her again I find her staring at me as If I were the biggest baddest wolf there was in the woods.There was fear, tangled with anger and frustration, alongside guilt and sadness, and somehow, no matter how insane she just sounded, I could not just blow up right now. “You are pregnant -“ I start speaking, trying to find a logical way to reason with her.“Very observant of you!” She huffs and rolls her eyes, as she moves away from her spot on the window sill, to find a better spot to sit in.I follow her with my eyes, pinned in my spot in the middle of the room, trapped between rushing out of the door and lashing out at her to smack some sense into her.“Maddy.” I start, my voice low as I slowly saunter towards her, pinching the bridge of my nose with a low sigh escaping my lips. “The Moonfire Eclipse ceremony is a dangerous thing to do!”
