Chapter five

Amber's pov

I felt numb the rest of the day, until I saw Elias playing in the garden with Thomas, Casandra's mate. The first time I met him I wasn’t sure how I felt about him, he was scary looking and build like a linebacker. But once I saw him with Cassandra and the kids I knew it was all bark and no bite. He was one of the kindest souls I ever met and would go to any length to keep his loved ones safe.

I was so lucky he counted Elias as one of his bonus grandkids. Looking at my boy with a loving father figure nearly broke me, I tried to keep the dam from breaking before anyone would see.

Unfortunately Casandra had already noticed something was off and quickly took me inside.

"Tell me what’s going on, you can’t go to Elias looking like this. You need to calm down, tell me please so I can help you," Cassandra said.

It wouldn’t hurt to tell her now, I thought to myself. It might come out anyway if I’m not careful. The more help I can get to hide Elias away the better. I told Casandra everything, I could feel my wolf’s relief that we didn’t have to lie to our friends anymore.

Cassandra looked shocked when I finished telling her everything.

"Well, I do have a new found respect for Brian," she said. "He is still a piece of work, but he came through when it mattered the most. Helping you raise Elias was the best thing that man ever did and I can never repay him."

She took a deep breath, tucking her grey hair behind her airs. "if you need help with Elias during the coming weeks, we will be happy to help. But one suggestion if I may, from an old bird like myself. It might help if you see him, get some closure."

I was so happy to tell her the truth and to get her advice, even if I wasn’t sure yet if I should see him.

"I will think about it Cassandra, thank you," I whispered in her ear while giving her a big hug.

"Now go get your previous boy, go home and have a nice evening together. Perhaps a good night's rest will help you to decide your next move." Casandra said smiling.

I walked towards Elias and gave him a big hug and a kiss.

"Are you alright mama?"

He always knew when something was up.

I smiled and took his hand, "let’s go home, we will talk about it during dinner."

Brian was not home as usual, but I didn’t mind spending time alone with Elias. He helped me pick some vegetables out the garden to roast and we made dinner together.

We sat down at the table and he looked at me with his big blue eyes.

"What’s going on mama?" He said with his soft voice too wise for his age.

I had never lied to Elias, he knew Brian was his dad but not his real father. A though concept for a small child, but I explained that you had chosen family and blood family. That Casandra and Thomas were his grandparents, but not by blood. And that Brian was his dad and would always be his dad, but that his father was out there somewhere and I couldn’t find him.

Elias started asking questions when he noticed the differences between him and Brian. It didn’t change their relationship, even though it might have hurt Brian a bit. But I didn’t want to lie to my child. It felt wrong.

"Mama?"he once again asked.

I took a deep breath, "some people from your mama’s and dad’s old pack are coming to visit. I don’t know if they’re here to make friends or not. So I want you to avoid them until I know more. When I know more I will tell you the whole story about these visitors. But right now I want to protect your feelings a bit longer, if I can. Do you understand honey?"

He frowned and seemed unhappy with my vague answer.

"You promise to tell me more soon?"

I didn’t know if I was making the right choices, keeping Elias in the dark. This wasn’t lying, but it wasn’t telling the whole truth either. But I had to keep him safe until I could find out more. I couldn’t risk it.

"I promise Elias, I will  you everything very soon as long as you keep your distance from the visitors until then." 

We finished dinner silently, both thinking of our conversation and the coming weekend. It wouldn’t be hard to keep a low profile, our house wasn’t that close to the packhouse or Alpha Drake’s Mansion. We would be fine, I tried to tell myself but, I could feel my wolf disagree.

"You’re still angry with me?" I asked her.

She couldn’t talk back, but I could feel her emotions.

I would shift sometimes during training on Saturdays morning. Training was done in human and wolf form. She liked sparring, but what she really loved was running through the forest. There was hardly any chance to run around, most packruns where at night and I would skip these and fake some excuse.

My wolf wasn’t anything special, a bit bigger than you would expect from someone like me. A big brown wolf with my dark almost black eyes. But if I shift at night something changes, when the moon shines on my wolf. My fur changes, it illuminates and becomes almost white and my dark eyes become purple. I can feel the moon’s energy powering me up like a battery and suddenly I can move faster than ever before.

I haven’t had much chance to test out what else my wolf can do at night. When I turned eighteen, I could suddenly feel my wolf, I was so excited. But excitement suddenly turned to fear when I could feel the shift happening.

I had just moved in next door to Cassandra and Thomas and I didn't know them as well as I did now. I was holding Elias in my arms, who was almost two at the time and I panicked. Brian was gone for the weekend and I ran as fast as I could to the house next door. I handed Elias to Cassandra and quickly ran outside, just before I could feel my bones shifting and changing. The first time you shift is very painful and I screamed out in agony.

Casandra took Elias quickly inside and shouted at Thomas to help me.

"Breath, just breath. It will all be over soon," Thomas tried to tell me.

But all I heard were my bones cracking and a feeling of panic for leaving my toddler with a stranger.

The pain stopped and I looked down, I was big and hairy. But I felt powerful and great. When the clouds parted I could feel the moon on my skin and it felt great. Like a warm blanket hugging me.

I saw Thomas stare at me. Didn’t he ever se a wolf before, I thought to myself.

Until I looked down, I was glowing. I freaked out and ran into the forest, until I was too tired to run. I woke up naked, sitting next to a tree covered in dirt. Luckily I was not too far from my home. When I got home, I quickly grabbed a t shirt from Brian and went to the neighbors to check on Elias.

I had felt so worried and bad for leaving him there, but he was playing with some toys and looked so happy. They clearly took good care of him. 

"So this was your first time, huh?"

"You just turned 18? Does anybody else in your family has a wolf like you?

"Did you know this would happen?" Cassandra and Thomas barged right in with all the questions.

No, I had never seen anything like this, my family was not special. I was not special I thought to myself.

"No," I softly said, "it kind of freaked me out too."

"Okay, you might need to keep your wolf away from moonlight for a while. The more people that know the more dangerous it can be. I will do some research, but you aren’t your every day wolf, Amber. We don’t know what you’re capable off yet and I don’t want to see you fall into the wrong hands. I wouldn’t tell the Alpha yet either, he’s a good guy but he’s bound to certain rules and obligations by the pack, but also his allies. Politics can be messy and I wouldn’t want any harm to come to this precious little boys mom." Cassandra said, looking at Elias. 

Cassandra and Thomas have been trying to find out more about my wolf for years now, but there is not much known in the public libraries.

So now, I only take my wolf out during the day or on very rainy and cloudy nights.