Chapter 9 : Killing Him Slowly

The next morning, after I awoke to an empty bed and breakfast already beside me, I knew that I couldn't let this continue.

I had to speak to Marcus. There had to be a way that this could work for all of us. I didn't want to be a prisoner here any longer. But at the same time, I didn't want to be the cause of death for hundreds–maybe thousands–of wolves.

So, without waiting for anything, I went and found him.

He was in his private study, not too far from the bedroom that we slept in. And as soon as I reached the door, I hesitated. This was the time that I made my effort.

But I waited at the door for a full minute. It was only after that, that I realized that he probably already knew that I was there the entire time. So, I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Come in," Marcus' voice came from the other side clearly and immediately. He definitely knew that I had been there this entire time.

I didn't wait for anything else; I opened the door and stepped across the archway.

There was a long awkward pause as I walked into the room. And for a moment, I wasn't sure if I had the courage to say what I went there to say. I was still a prisoner; that fact hadn't changed.

But, I realized, I wasn't the only prisoner. I was just the only one with visible chains. But they were all as tied down as I was–tied to me, tied by fate. And I had only been making their captivity worse.

Marcus was alone in the room, but I had guessed that much, given that it was still relatively early in the day.

I swallowed hard. I knew what I had to say.

"I'm sorry," I murmured to him softly. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

Marcus sighed.

"I know," he said, his voice as soft as mine. "You're as blameless in this as I am. This is just what the Moon Goddess decided for us. I have no idea why, but her wisdom is not something for us to question."

I bit my tongue. I wanted this to be a proper apology, not something that turned into another argument. And if I said anything about my doubts about the Moon Goddess, then there was no doubt that this was going to be an argument.

And I still had more things to say. I didn't want to get sidetracked by anything else.

"But there are some parts that were my fault," I told him again, shaking my head.

It would be the easiest thing in the world to just blame fate, to just blame the way the world worked, and make everything about everything else and take responsibility for nothing. But that wasn't true.

Because, while my arrival had been completely out of my control, how I had behaved since then was something that I still had power over.

And how I had reacted and behaved hadn't been right.

Marcus didn't say anything, so I assumed that he knew the truth of my words. He knew that I was telling the truth, but he might just be too kind to say it. Maybe he wanted to start on a new footing, too.

"I shouldn't have just thought that this was all on me," I told him. "I should have asked you about your part, too. And you did tell me that there was only so much that you could do. You did tell me that you were as bound and imprisoned by this as I was."

Marcus cleared his throat.

"I should have been clearer," he said eventually. "I should have explained it all to you calmer. This isn't just your doing. I had a few ways that I could have done it better, too."

I swallowed hard before continuing. As difficult as that had been for me to do, that had actually been the easier thing that laid ahead of me.

"I see now," I began again, "that this isn't just about me or you though, is it?" I asked him, but I didn't give him much of a chance to answer. "It's about more than that. It's about the entire pack, too."

Liana's words had cut into me, and everything that she had said had resonated and left a resounding impact. There was more than just my life at stake here. Even if I felt like I was being held prisoner, so were they all. We had to navigate a way through this for each and every one of us, not just me.

"I know we need to work out a solution that includes everyone," I told him sincerely. "I see that now."

Marcus looked at me for a moment, and I honestly had no idea what to think. I couldn't tell what was on his mind, I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I had no idea if I was presuming too much or offering too little.

But I couldn't let my thoughts get away from me. I had to say my piece and that was all. Whether he accepted my help would be another story.

"Are you still looking for an escape?" Marcus asked, his voice soft.

I had to strain to hear him a little, but there was an undercurrent to his tone, something fierce, dangerous, promising that this would be a battle if I answered wrongly. But I knew the wrong answer, and I knew the right answer. And I knew what I was going to say to him.

"No," I answered honestly. Because I well and truly wasn't. "I am looking for a solution, and I'm prepared to stay here forever if that is what we come up with, if that's the only thing that works out for the entire pack."

Marcus regarded me for a moment;I knew that he would be hesitant. I had started so many conversations with him already by this point, and each time, I had only had one objective in mind–to get away from him.

There was no doubt in my mind that he was still playing through that possible scenario.

But he could also sense that I wasn't lying.

"What do you propose?" he asked. "Where do you think our starting point should be?"

I had a few ideas. And the first of them involved learning more. If I was going to be their Luna, then I needed to know fully what that meant and what that entailed.

"I'm not as useless as you think," I told him, giving a step forward. "It's not that I don't know anything about your world at all. And whatever I don't know, which I believe is a lot, I am willing to learn."

Marcus looked at me sceptically for a moment. But then he shook his head.

"What do you know?" He asked me eventually. "Even if it's just folktales. Let me know what you know. And we can start from there."

I took a deep breath. I was well aware that so much of what I was going to say would be ridiculous. But I had to take the chance. I had to show him that I was willing to learn, that I was happy to do whatever it took to make him understand that I was looking at things a little differently now.

But just a little.

"Werewolves shift on the full moon?" I said tentatively, my voice rising in a question at the end. "No, that's a myth; you shifted easily yesterday, several did."

"Are you telling me or asking me?" Marcus said, raising an eyebrow.

"Uhm, telling," I said. This wasn't supposed to be me asking him questions, after all. It was me telling him what I already knew. Or what I thought I knew.

"Anything else?" Marcus asked. So he wasn't going to be confirming or denying the truth of what I was saying then.

I thought hard. I had expected him to kind of take the opening and lead the conversation from there, but his expression was blank and stoic as he waited for me to speak.

He was a strange creature. There was almost no way to decipher him. I had no idea what he was going to do or when he was going to do it. I had only known him for a few days, but ordinarily, it would have been enough to at least get to know the bare basics of anyone else.

I knew that he was the Alpha. And I knew that he was strong and feared. But there wasn't anything else.

I realized that I had just been staring at his face, and I realized that he was still waiting for an answer.

"Silver," I said, remembering the movies, and just saying the first thing that stuck out to me. "A silver bullet through the heart will kill you."

"And that is something that humans mostly survive from, is it?" Marcus asked me with a raised eyebrow.

I flushed, but that was beside the point. Wolves would heal from anything else through the heart.

"Your healing," I told him, "and senses–but that I've seen in person now already."

"You weren't lying," Marcus admitted. "You do know a few things about our world. But there is still a lot that you have to learn."

There was, and I was willing to learn it. I knew that was the way to survive, not any other way. I needed to learn about their world, and once I knew that, then I had the chance to survive.

"Can I ask you something?" I said gingerly.

I was well aware that this was the first civil conversation that we were having, and I really didn't want to push my luck. But there was something that was bugging me, nagging at the back of my mind since Liana had brought it to my attention.

"What is it?" Marcus asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Liana said something to me yesterday," I said again, frowning. "She said that I was killing you slowly. What did she mean by that?"

Marcus turned away from me then. He hadn't done that in the entire exchange. In fact, I hadn't known him to do that in any of our conversations. He had screamed, raged, threatened. He had done everything else, but he hadn't just turned away from me.

"I can't answer that right now," Marcus said softly, his face still turned from me. "I will answer you. I will explain her words to you. But not right now."

I nodded; it was a much better answer than I deserved. And I trusted that it wasn't that serious. If I really was doing something to actively kill him, I was sure that he would put a stop to it.

Or at least try to.