Chapter Three

Zaine’s POV

I sit at my desk, rapping my pencil against the highly polished dark oak, my emotions swirling in a maelstrom of anger and disbelief. I barely got a wink of sleep last night. Between dealing with the rogues who once again tried their luck at the southern border and my wolf pining for his mate, I don’t think I managed to steal more than twenty minutes.

I felt the second her mind link with me formed. Soon after that our bond became stronger and I knew there was no point in fighting the will of the moon goddess. I hadn’t planned on fighting the mate bond, but her utter disgust and declaration that she would never accept me, made me wonder if this is a fight worth enduring.

I could feel Sophia’s turmoil inside me as if it was my own. She is hurting deeply, and the physical pain it caused me was a shock, to say the least. She hates me, so why is it that I feel like the arsehole in this situation? I didn’t choose her, just like she did not choose me. A higher power has seen fit to bind us and that is all I need to know. She was made for me, and my wolf will not let her go, even if I do.

It is unfathomable to me that Sophia would call me cruel. How could an omega, who knows nothing of the responsibilities of leading a pack, pass judgment on me? Who does she think she is? She knows nothing of the dangers that lurk outside our borders or what I have had to do to protect the pack. The blood on my hands is as much in her best interest as anyone else in the pack. She should consider herself lucky to be under my protection, and I told her as much.

In my mind, the omegas are nothing more than a drain on our resources. They burden us, demanding our attention and care, while offering very little in return. Yes, they cook and clean, they grow some of our food and complete menial tasks, but they do nothing the rest of us could not do ourselves. Sophia should remember that she wasn’t cast out when her parents died, instead my father extended his charity and kept her warm, fed and above all, safe.

Casting out the children of the fallen would only sow discord among my people. They fight for the pack because they know their offspring will be cared for if they meet their grizzly end in battle. It is a delicate balance, a necessary compromise, even if it means tolerating the presence of omegas within our pack. The least they can do is earn their keep.

Anger, confusion, sympathy and hope, all fight for dominance over my thoughts. Losing a parent is devastating, especially at such a young age, but I cannot be blamed for her circumstances. It is what it is, if everyone held the same rank in the pack, there would be anarchy. My wolf is no bloody help. He just grunts and retreats to the back of my mind, leaving me to hash out this mess on my own. I know what he wants, and what he wants he usually gets. He wants her.

The moon goddess seems to revel in my discomfort, playing a cruel joke at my expense. It is inconceivable that a powerful alpha, the leader of the second biggest pack in the land, could be fated to an omega. There are countless individuals more worthy of the title, more deserving of the position of Luna. The thought niggles at me and grows, fuelling my frustration. There has got to be a reason I have been bound to her, I can’t see it, but it has to be there.

I had searched high and low, visiting every werewolf pack I have an alliance with, hoping to find my fated mate. Waning Moon was the last pack on a long list, and it proved just as pointless as all the others. Never did I imagine that she would be right here, working in the pack house kitchen.

It seems fate has a twisted sense of humour. The future of my pack was hidden from me, working in the kitchen right under my nose, a place I would never have ventured before I caught her scent on my way to the dining hall yesterday.

I know the truth. If I want to secure the future of my pack, if I want to ensure a lineage of strong heirs, they can only come from my fated mate. It is a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that my fate is entwined with someone who despises me. In all honesty, I know I could have done better by the Omegas.

I turned a blind eye because that was easier than accepting the truth. They are there because I have failed them, their loved ones died under my watch. The fight at out borders rages on and not one of them is any the wiser. The omegas are one of those problems that seems insurmountable, so you turn a blind eye, sweep it under the rug and hope the crap that spills out the sides doesn’t trip you up.

I am royally screwed, trapped in a predicament of my own making. I need to find a way to convince Sophia that accepting me, embracing our bond, is in her best interest. My usual methods of persuasion won’t work with her. Sophia possesses a tenacity and a spirit that set her apart from the rest, that much was obvious from her little outburst in the kitchen. I don’t recall ever being lost for words, but she managed to shock me into silence with next to no effort at all. She is feisty, that much is certain. I could kid myself that she was always that way, but I know a survival mechanism when it spits in my face.

I can’t let this opportunity slip away, even if it means breaking through the walls of her resistance. If the pups she gives me have her fire and tenacity, the future of the pack will be in strong hands. My wolf grunts in approval of my inner meanderings. He doesn’t care how I arrive at the same conclusion as him, as long as I get there eventually.

I had intended to wait until tonight and attempt peace talks over dinner. Even if she still refuses to accept me, perhaps she will be open to a truce, which would allow me some time to figure her out and find out what drives her. I can not wait until this evening. The sun has barely risen and my skin itches with the need to see her. I wonder if her night was as restless as mine.

I knock on her door once to announce my arrival then walk into the room without waiting for her response. I had her locked inside and under guard all night which I doubt went down very well.

As I step closer to the bed where she lay, still half asleep, I can see the fear and apprehension in her eyes as she realises where she is and who just walked into her room. She is the omega, and I am the alpha. Our positions are as far apart as possible yet here we are. I have taken her from the omega wing and put her in what is possibly the best room in the house. She should have been comfortable, warm and safe. I struggle to understand why she refuses me especially given the circumstances I have saved her from. How can she not want the life I could provide for her?

She jumps out of the other side of the bed and now, as I truly look at her, standing before me dressed in barely there short pyjamas, a flash of a memory strikes me, one that fills me with deep shame.

It was about a year ago, when rogues threatened our pack in even greater numbers than they do now, picking off our members one by one. In my desperation to protect our boundaries, I resorted to a cruel act.

A group of four women were foraging for berries in the woods when they strayed past our boundaries. When the perimeter guards stumbled upon them they were brought to me out of concern for their safety and to explain what they were doing so far from the pack house. Only trained men, ones who were actually capable of protecting themselves, were allowed anywhere near the border of our land and even then, they patrolled in teams of at least two.

Everyone knew that rogues prowled the border, everyone except the omegas. They were not there for the meetings. They did not dine with us and hear the rumours. They simply existed on the periphery of our vision. There, but not, easily overlooked.

I whipped the wandering women in front of the entire pack, using them as examples to deter the others from straying beyond our borders. In that moment, I acted rashly, without considering the pain and fear I was inflicting upon them, upon Sophia.

I remember her tear stained face as clear as if it was only yesterday that swoosh of my crop sliced through the air and into her pale skin. She was on her knees in the dirt alongside three older women, their backs broken and bloodied by the crop in my hand.

Words of apology and remorse bung up my throat as I try to expel them.

I didn’t know.

Oh, goddess forgive me. Sophia, forgive me. I didn’t know. I plead in my mind, with my heart, wishing I could take it all back.

I had no idea what she would become to me. Hell, I thought she was already of age. I am a hard and sometimes unfeeling bastard, I know, but I would never have knowingly whipped a child. She only had her first shift yesterday morning so she can’t have even been seventeen when I struck her like she was a grown woman.

I step towards her, my instinct to comfort her overriding my better judgement. My body aches to hold her and beg for her forgiveness. No wonder she can’t bear the sight of me. Her blood has literally been on my hands. The thought makes me sick to my stomach and it takes every ounce of control not to hurl my guts onto the plush carpet under my feet.

Faced with Sophia’s undeniable fear, I understand why she cannot stand to be in the same room as me. I am the beast she has every right to fear. I have caused her pain, and I have abused my power as an alpha. It was not their fault they did not know the boundaries. I have never given them enough freedom to run our land, to know where they can and cannot go.

Omegas are forbidden from running with the pack, it would take more men than we have to keep them safe, and it hardly seemed worth the trouble. Their actions that day were not disobedience, they were caused by ignorance, my ignorance, and their punishment was unjust. I have no excuse and trying to come up with one will only add insult to injury, so I remain silent in my shame.

As I stand here, grappling with my internal turmoil, I realize that I must confront the consequences of my past. I must make amends for the pain I have caused her and the other omegas, and I must prove to Sophia that I am capable of change.

I cannot force her to accept me, and in all honesty I’m no longer confident in the fact that I even deserve her. She may not have formally rejected me, but that is what I deserve. Perhaps it is just that she does not know the words of a formal rejection. I doubt Mrs Crook would have let her come of age without teaching her what happens after and all that goes with it.

Inhaling a deep breath, I take another step forward, my voice laced with regret and sincerity. “Sophia,” I begin, my tone soft and genuine. “I understand if you cannot forgive me for the pain I’ve caused you. But please know that I am determined to change. I want to earn your trust, to be the alpha and the mate that you deserve. Give me a chance to prove that I can be better. Please.” I plead with her.

How the tables have turned. This one little wolf has tipped my world on its head. Only minutes ago I was trying to understand how she could not want me, now I wonder if she ever will. Of all of the things I can give her, I cannot take back the act that showed me for what I am. The cruel alpha. Cruel. Cruel. Cruel. The word echoes in my head in her voice. She is right.

Sophia’s gaze softens, and her eyes stare into mine, as if trying to read my soul. Can she trust me? Should she? Honestly, probably not, but I hope she will. She hesitates for a moment, contemplating my words, and then finally nods in agreement. I swallow deeply, worried that whatever I say will cause her to change her mind and run screaming like she probably should.

“I will give you the chance you ask for, and in return there are some things I want.” She smiles. The smile is not for me, she knows she has me by the short ones and I am hardly in a position to deny her anything. She could ask for the blood in my veins, and I would offer it up freely, knowing it would not come close to making up for my past actions.

Relief floods through me and I wait for her list of demands. To my surprise she doesn’t say another word. She just stands there, the light from the window behind her casts an ethereal glow around her slight frame. She is so small and delicate looking.

The torturous thought of how she healed from my assault springs into my mind. I know the omegas don’t eat as well as the rest of the pack which effects their ability to heal as they should. They have restricted access to medical supplies or anything for that matter. It’s a wonder she survived at all. That would have been the worst kind of poetic justice, my neglect killing my mate before I even found her.

Without wasting another moment, I make a solemn promise to Sophia. “I will immediately review the working conditions of the omegas,” I declare, my voice filled with determination. “They will no longer be treated as outcasts within our pack. From now on, they will be included in pack runs, meals, hunts, and all of our communal activities. I will have the doctor look them all over and move them out of the omega wing by day’s end.”

Sophia’s eyes widen in surprise, and a small but genuine smile touches her lips, this time it is for me. Had she been waiting for my common sense to kick in and for me to let her know that I understand what she wants?

“I am so sorry for my actions that night Sophia. I can’t tell you how much I regr…”

“I don’t want to revisit that night, not now, not ever.” She cuts me off mid apology. I should have kept my big mouth shut. Of course she doesn’t want to talk about it. My apology won’t undo it, if anything I felt the need to say the words to lighten my own burden of guilt, what would it do for her, other than open up old wounds?

“Very well. Would you please come somewhere with me? There is something I would like to show you.” I won’t make her listen to my self serving apology, but I can show her what caused me to act so harshly. I just hope my plan doesn’t blow up in my face.

She eyes me suspiciously and chews on her bottom lip as she contemplates my request. A stir in my flannel sleep bottoms shifts my focus. She looks so damned innocent right now, nothing like the little spitfire she was yesterday.

She knows. I can see it in her eyes. The penny has dropped, and she knows that she has them same effect on me as I smelled on her in that kitchen. She might not like it, but she won’t be able to fight it forever. I will wait as long as it takes, and I swear I will not touch her again in anger, affection, comfort or love until she asks for it. If she needs to be in control to feel safe, she can have all the control she wants.

It will be torture for me, I have never had to earn it before. Women have thrown themselves at me all my adult life. I am well and truly a fish out of water.

“I should go and clean up then. Where are we going? I mean… what should I wear.” She points to the pile of clothes on the stool near the dressing table and anxiously fiddles with the hem of her top.

“You go ahead and shower, I’ll put some suitable clothes on the bed for you.” I tell her gently. It’s like walking on egg shells. I worry that I’ll startle or scare her back into self preservation mode and undo the last ten minutes. She nods and retreats to the bathroom.

Now, I know that what I am about to do is probably not fair, but I never said I would play fair. I need to move this along before my cock explodes from the amount of blood rushing to it, or my head shrivels up and drops off from lack of that very same blood.

I mind link Luca to grab one of the pillows off my bed and bring it to me, as I quickly sift through the clothes on the stool and select some jeans and a chunky knitted jumper. I’m sure she is capable of choosing her own underwear.

The door opens slowly, and Luca appears with the pillow in hand. I should have gone to get it myself, now his scent is on it. Well, that’s easily rectified. I rub the pillow over my bare chest paying special attention to the corner he had been holding, then swap it out for one of her pillows. Fuck it, in for a penny in for a pound. I lay on the bed and roll around in the sheets like a pig in shit. Luca, knowing full well what I am doing, damn near wets himself as he doubles over in silent laughter in the doorway.

“Fuck off.” I quietly grumble so as not to call Sophia’s attention back to the room. She is in the shower, I can hear the water and it is definitely hitting her naked body rather than the tiled floor, and now all I can think about is how easy it would be to go in there and show her what she is refusing.

When I have finished leaving my scent all over the bed, I quickly remake it and stuff her pillow under my arm. Maybe I’ll manage more than twenty minutes of sleep tonight, but I doubt it. Every reservation I have been fooling myself with has evaporated and been replaced with thoughts of how to win her over and get her under me. Thoughts of pups are gone from my mind, all I want is to prove myself worthy. It will take a lifetime to put right my wrongs, maybe longer, but I am going to try.

The mate bond is not meant to be fought. The longer she holds out the more the urge to mate and mark her will grow. I have never heard of anyone lasting more than two or three days before surrendering to the will of the goddess. I bet my little wolf has a good four or five days of resistance in her. There is a bit more of that poetic justice for you.

I have to push Luca out of the doorway in into the corridor in order to get out of there before she finishes her shower. The fucker is puce and breathless from laughing so hard.

“Tell the maids not to change that bed then call the entire pack to the dining hall.” I give him his orders and hope he gets lost so I can do what needs to be done about the growing situation I’ve got going on down south.

“The entire pack.” He asks between gasping for air. His finely groomed eyebrows almost breach his hairline. What he is asking is, do I mean the omegas too?

“Yes Luca, the entire pack. I will be down in ten minutes.” I awkwardly step back into my room in some discomfort. “Make that fifteen minutes.” I shift uncomfortably and Luca looks down and bursts into a fresh bout of laughter.

“Are you sure you don’t need twenty?” he nods down and runs off down the corridor knowing full well I am in no state to give chase.

“Arsehole.” I mumble to myself as I close my door and fall back against it.

I can smell her on the pillow even with it tucked under my arm, but I bring it up to my chest and bend my head to bury my face in it. I don’t move from the door, if I try to take even one step, I fear it’ll snap right off. Instead, I breathe in her sweet fruity scent and reach into my trousers to relieve the pent up longing bursting to get out.

Can she feel it over the bond like I felt her pain last night? Is she still in that shower sliding her soapy hands over every curve I want to touch, lick, kiss, and suck? If she tastes as good as she smells, no amount of her will ever be enough to satiate the hunger that has come to life inside me.

I stroke myself slowly, telling myself it won’t be long until I slide into her rather than my curled hand. The thought of her spread on my bed, her hands gripping my shoulders as I claim her as my own, it’s enough to…

“Fuuuuuck.” I chew the damned pillow in a futile attempt to stifle my groans of release. Well, that was unexpected and somewhat embarrassing. I feel like a teenager who just found out what a cock is for. Here’s hoping I last more than five or six stokes when she wants me. I fucking doubt it.