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46.

I sat alone in the room, Ryan's tiny hands wrapped around mine. His bright eyes sparkled as he chattered excitedly about his favorite cartoon.

"...and then, Mommy, Buzz Lightyear saved the day!" Ryan exclaimed.

I forced a smile, my heart heavy with sadness. Knowing that I will be leaving him, the thought alone is frightening and suffocating.

I have never been far away from him and the thought of that happening now wasn’t something that sat well with me.

I trusted Luna and Henry to take care of my baby boy while I was away but I didn’t want to leave Ryan and couldn’t take him with me.

The last thing I want is for Sage to find out about him even though it is his right as Ryan’s father, but no, he didn’t deserve any of us in his life.

"I'm so proud of you, baby," I whispered, squeezing his hands.

Ryan looked up at me with innocence and trust. "Mommy, what's wrong?" he asked, sensing my emotions.

I quickly blinked away tears. "Nothing, sweetie. Mommy's just tired."

Ryan nodded, accepting
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