Chapter 5

The next morning, the sun rises, and I feel nervous and worried about leaving the pack for so long and about not finding her, and having to ret

The sun is rising. I feel nervous and worry about the thought of leaving the pack for so long and the thought of not finding my mate. I don’t want to return without her knowing it would be bad for the pack and myself. I struggle to control Chaos as it is. I can't imagine how much worse he would be if we couldn't find her.

I need to put my faith in the Moon Goddess. Surely, she doesn't want the Lycan breed to die out? Does she not want me happy? And not just me but my mate?

Maybe she has been looking for me and wants me? Or maybe she doesn't want a mate? And that is why we can't find her because she doesn't want to be found or wants a werewolf, not a Lycan? What if she rejects us?

Stressing out, I pace back and forth, trying not to panic.

'Alpha, are you okay?' Nathan asks. I look up and snarl.

Shit! Chaos! Stop! I yell at him.

My eyes are black when I look up at Nathan with my Lycan eyes. Nathan slowly backs away, pulling out a dose of Wolfsbane in case I attack him.

Fighting Chaos, I bang my back up against the wall. Then, after a few moments, I hunch over to catch my breath.

Looking up at Nathan, he sighs with relief when he sees I’m in control again.

'What was that all about?' Nathan asks. I was freaking out that when we find our mate, she might reject us because I’m a Lycan, or maybe she doesn't want a mate.

Chaos must have been listening and became angry at my thoughts as they could, unfortunately, be possible.

Nathan places his hand on my shoulder, 'Alpha, any she-wolf would be a fool to reject you. I know behind Chaos and your lack of calmness that there is a good man and a good Lycan underneath it all,' he says.

'Nathan, you don't have to lie to me like that...'  I say to him.

Nathan scoffs. 'Well, at least I tried to make you feel better,’ he says with his hands in the air. We both look at each other and laugh.

Beth hands me a basket of food for breakfast on my way out. I kiss her forehead and step outside into the limo waiting for me. A few black cars with some pack warriors follow behind.

We had been driving for half the day. The warriors want to stop to relieve their bladders and let their wolves out for a quick run.

Now leaning against a tree, I watch them run and wish I could let my Lycan out, but I know he would rip my men apart.

Instead, I take a big leak and climb the nearest tree to look around the area. I sit and admire the views until I see my men returning. They are completely naked back in human form.

Climbing down the tree, I get back in the limo. The Warriors are now dressed and back in their cars.

Four hours later, we arrive at Moonfall pack. Their pack house is a red-brick Victorian mansion. Behind the mansion is a huge temperate forest filled with redwood trees, and I bet it’s where the werewolves run and train. Alpha Dan, the leader of the Moonfall pack, stands in front of the house, waiting for us. He has black hair but some strands in grey.

 The welcome feels forced. It’s obvious the Moonfall pack don't want me here, but I understand why they are fearful.

I greet Alpha Dan. He smiles at me awkwardly and then opens the pack house door and motions for me to follow, so I walk behind him, entering the house. The interior of the house looks very luxurious. It is a Medieval Gothic interior. There’s a huge staircase, and I can see a lot of werewolves in their human form. They are helping to clean the pack house and seem very organised.

After a while, I learn Alpha Dan is a great Alpha. He knows how to discipline his pack, and he brings wealth and good fortune to everyone. All eyes are on me. The men glare, and the she-wolves try to avoid going anywhere near me.

Is my reputation really this bad? I mind-link Nathan.

Honest truth, or do you prefer the lie? he mind- links back.

Honest truth. 

Yes, it's bad, really bad, he replies.

I let out a heavy sigh and attempt to smile gently at a she-wolf passing by. Her eyes bulge, and she screams, running off.

'What happened? What did you do, Alpha Maximus?' Alpha Dan asks sternly.

I put my hands up in the air in surrender 'Nothing! I swear I just smiled at her,' I explain.

Alpha Dan looks at me for a moment like he is trying to read me, then bursts out laughing, patting me on the back.

'I'm sorry, Alpha Maximus, I’m afraid that even your smile would scare any she-wolf away from here...no offence, but everyone is terrified that you can't control your Lycan,' he says.

'I understand... maybe by the time I leave, everyone here might not think so badly of me,' I say to him.

'We will see. Now let's eat and rest, and in the morning, we will have all the unmated she-wolves ready for you to meet,' Alpha Dan says.

I nod and follow him to the dining area.

The table is long and black. There are long white candles on glass candle holders. A huge chandelier hangs from the ceiling, and on the walls are portraits of the former Alphas. I sit on one of the chairs, and Nathan sits next to me while we eat in silence. It’s very awkward. All the kitchen staff creep around like they are walking on eggshells.

The pack members at the table keep their heads down. I try to break the silence. 'Moonfall is such a lovely place. It's very umm pleasant...' I say.

'And how wonderful this food is,' Nathan adds, trying to help.

'I look forward to giving you a proper tour tomorrow,' Alpha Dan replies. 'Amy, you will show Alpha Maximus and Nathan to their rooms,' Amy stiffens, then nods.

'This way, please,' she says.

We follow her up the stairs, and Nathan enters the first room. I follow Amy to the next room.

'Here you are, sir... I mean Alpha Maximus, ' she stutters, trying to keep her distance.

'Thank you so much, Amy!' I say as she quickly runs off.

The room they have given me is very glamorous. There are continuous floor-to-ceiling windows with grey curtains. The floor is glossy but not slippery. The bed is black and grey, and there’s a chandelier on the ceiling. The bedside table even has a vase with fresh snowdrop flowers.

Retiring for the night, I don't generally sleep well. But I’m looking forward to meeting the unmated she-wolves in the morning.

As soon as it is morning. Nathan and I quickly get ready for the day.

We meet Alpha Dan for breakfast and then make our way outside, where he takes us on tour to show us around his village.

On the way back, we stop at the artistically frescoed hall where the she-wolves are waiting. Unfortunately, they are not dressed up, and it seems they deliberately made themselves appear unpleasant. I walked in to see eight different girls, petrified and shaking.

'Okay, ladies, no need to be frightened, but Alpha Maximus will need you all to make eye contact to see if any of you lucky ladies are his mate,' Alpha Dan says cheerfully, trying to reassure the girls.

Looking at each of them, I see nothing but fear and no connection. I stare at Nathan and Alpha Dan, shaking my head to indicate none of them is my fated mate.

'Well, I wish you luck at the next pack then,' Alpha Dan says, patting me on the back.

I thank Alpha Dan for his time and take my leave, ready to travel to the next pack.

I step into the limo and sit quietly, feeling disappointed. Nathan sits in the front seat of the limo to drive. He drives three hours to the next pack, where I meet five, she-wolves who don't want a bar of me, but the Alpha made them co-operate.

I’m grateful that none of them is my mate as they were very rude and self-absorbed. I didn't think Chaos would be too impressed with any of them.

We spend the next couple of weeks visiting nine other pack houses. Some weren't too bad and were somewhat welcoming. Others couldn't wait to get rid of me.

Chaos appeared briefly after some negative comments 'One she-wolf said she feels sorry for the girl who is doomed to be my mate,' Chaos fully took over, so Nathan had no choice but to give me a dose of Wolfsbane.

There was no doubt Chaos would have ripped her head off.

After that, the Alpha demanded we leave their territory.

It’s late at night, and we are far out of their territory now. We stop and get out of the limo.

I need some air and some space. I rip my shirt off and run deep into the forest. Once I knew I was far away enough from hurting anyone, I let Chaos take over.

He roars and howls in anger and hurt and rips his claws at the trees, shredding the bark off. Finally, after an hour of having a meltdown and destroying half the trees, Chaos lays on his back, staring at the moon. 'Mate,' he whispers. I can feel his pain, his agony, and his fear. I feel the same way, but I must reassure chaos that we’ll find our mate. I need to be emotionally strong for both of us and for the safety of everyone.

Now back in human form, I slowly walk back to the limo. Nathan and the twelve warriors are all standing there with a look of worry and concern on their faces.

'Alpha Maximus... are you okay? We could hear you...Chaos for miles,'

I’m too depressed to talk. I step into the limo and sit there with my head in my hands.

'The next pack is four hours away. So, I suppose we can sleep in the cars tonight,' Nathan says.

I nod my head and shut the door.

I worry when I find my fated mate, she will reject me for being the freak of all werewolves—a Lycan. I wonder what her scent smells like if she has dark hair or light hair. Would the Moon Goddess bless me with a kind-hearted mate or an arrogant, self-absorbed mate like the she-wolf Chaos almost killed?

urn without her. It would be bad for the pack and myself, because I am struggling to control Chaos as it is. I can't imagine how much worse he will be if we don't find her.

I just need to put my faith in the Moon Goddess. Surely, she doesn't want the lycans to die out? Doesn’t she want me to be happy? And my mate to be happy? Maybe she has been looking for me and wants me. Or maybe she doesn't want a mate. And that is why we can't find her, because she doesn't want to be found. Or maybe she wants a werewolf and not a lycan. What if she rejects us?

Stressing, I pace back and forth, trying not to panic.

‘Alpha, are you okay?’ Nathan asks, and I look up and snarl.

Shit! Chaos! Stop! I yell at him.

I look at Nathan with my black lycan eyes, and Nathan slowly backs away, pulling out a dose of wolfsbane in case I attack him.

Forcing to be in control, I bang my back up against the wall, fighting Chaos back. I hunch over, catching my breath. Nathan sighs with relief, when I have control again.

‘What was that all about?’ Nathan asks.

‘I was starting to freak out about finding our mate and being rejected because I’m a lycan. And about her maybe not even wanting a mate. Chaos was listening and became angry at my thoughts,’ I explain.

Nathan places his hand on my shoulder.

‘Alpha, any she-wolf would be a fool to reject you. Underneath Chaos and your lack of... calm, there’s a good man and a good werewolf,’ he assures me.

‘You don't have to lie to me,’ I say, and Nathan scoffs.

‘I’m trying to make you feel better,’ he says with his hands in the air. We look at each other and laugh.

On my way out, Beth hands me a basket of food for breakfast. I kiss her forehead and step outside, and get into the limo waiting for me. A few black cars with some pack warriors follow behind.

We drive half the day, and the men stop to relieve their bladders and let their wolves out for a quick run.

I lean against a tree wishing I could let my lycan out for a run, but I know he would just rip my men apart.

I climb the nearest tree to look around the area. I sit and admire the view, until my men return, completely naked, in human form. We get back into the limo, and once the warriors are dressed they get back into their cars.

Four hours later, we arrive at Moonfall pack. It’s obvious from their very forced welcome, they don't want me here.

After greeting Alpha Dan, I follow him inside his pack house. All eyes are on me. The men glare and the she-wolves avoid me, obviously scared.

Is my reputation really this bad? I link Nathan.

Honest truth or can I lie again? He asks.

Honest truth. I say.

Yes, it's bad. Really bad. He replies.

Letting out a big sigh, I gently smile at a she-wolf I pass, her eyes go wide, she screams, and runs off.

‘What happened? What did you do?’ Alpha Dan asks sternly. I put my hands up in the air, in surrender.

‘Nothing! I swear. I just smiled,’ I explain.

Alpha Dan reads me for a moment, then bursts out laughing and pats me on the back.

‘I'm sorry. Even your smile scares the she-wolves away. No offence. Everyone here is terrified because you can't control your lycan,’ he explains.

‘I understand. Maybe, by the time I leave here, everyone might not think so badly of me,’ I say, hopeful.

‘We’ll see. Let's eat and rest. And in the morning, we will have all the unmated she-wolves ready for you to meet,’ he says.

Nodding, I sit at the table. Nathan sits next to me and we eat in silence. All of the kitchen staff creep around like they are walking on eggshells; it’s very awkward. The pack members at the table keep their heads down. I break the silence.

‘Moonfall is such a lovely place, it's very… pleasant,’ I say.

‘I should add, this food is wonderful,’ Nathan adds, trying to help.

‘I look forward to giving you a proper tour tomorrow,’ Alpha Dan says. ‘Amy, show Alpha Max and Nathan to their rooms.’ The girl stiffens, and nods.

‘This way please,’ she says, and we follow her upstairs and Nathan claims the first room, and I follow Amy to the next room.

‘Here you are, Alpha Max,’ she says, keeping her distance.

‘Thank you, Amy,’ I say, and she runs off.

I don't sleep well. I’m looking forward to meeting the unmated she-wolves.

As soon as it’s morning, Nathan and I are up and ready for the day.

We meet Alpha Dan for breakfast, and make our way outside, where he shows us around the village.

On the way back, we stop in the hall where the she-wolves are waiting. I walk inside and see eight different girls, petrified and shaking.

‘Okay, ladies. No need to be frightened. Alpha Max needs you to make eye contact with him, to see if any of you are his mate,’ Alpha Dan says, reassuring the girls.

Looking at each of them, I see nothing but fear and feel no connection. I look at Nathan and Alpha Dan, and shake my head.

‘I wish you luck at the next pack,’ Alpha Dan says, patting me on the back.

We get into the limo, drive three hours to the next pack, and I meet five she-wolves who don't want a bar of me. Their Alpha makes them co-operate. They’re very bitchy and stuck up. I’m glad none of them are my mate; Chaos wouldn’t be impressed with any of them either.

We spend the next week visiting nine other packs. Some aren't too bad, and are somewhat welcoming. Others can't wait to be rid of me.

There are a few instances where Chaos fully takes over after some negative comments, and Nathan gives me a dose of wolfsbane. One girl tells me she feels sorry for the girl doomed to be my mate. Chaos, no doubt, would have ripped her head off. That pack alpha demands I leave his territory.

Needing some air and some space, I rip off my shirt and run deep into the forest. When I’m far away enough from everyone else, I let Chaos shift.

Hurt, he roars and howls angrily and claws at the trees, shredding them. After an hour of having a meltdown and destroying some trees, Chaos lies on his back staring up at the moon. ‘Mate,’ he whispers.

In human form, I walk back to the limo, and Nathan and my warriors are all standing there, worried and concerned.

‘Are you okay? We could hear you, Chaos, for miles.’ I’m too depressed to talk. I get into the limo and sit with my head in my hands.

‘The next pack is four hours away. We can sleep in the cars tonight,’ Nathan says, and I nod and close the car door.

I wonder what she is like. Will she give me a chance? Or will she reject me? I wonder what her scent is like. If she has dark hair or light hair. Will the Moon Goddess bless me with a kind-hearted mate? Or an arrogant, self-absorbed mate, like the she-wolf Chaos almost just killed?