5. Unwanted

[Warning: Body dysphoria and self-hatred]

Marcus was a tall and stout looking brunet. He sat in his office chair working on the laptop and the moment he saw me, he stood up and bowed respectfully. “Good morning, luna. Thank you for agreeing to this meeting.” I felt nodded awkwardly, not used to such a show of respect and also feeling ridiculous at the show of such high regard. 

“Please have a seat.” He gestured to a standard looking black office chair. But his gaze frequently flickered to the mark that sat glaringly and was on full display because of the round-necked t-shirt. 

“Firstly, I apologize for not being able to welcome you-”

“What deal did my father make with this pack?” I cut in, tired of hearing apologies and being the subject of pitiful looks. I knew my face wouldn’t reveal any emotion, not an iota of what I was feeling would be portrayed on my face because I was known as the ‘jade beauty’ in my pack. 

Predictably, Marcus became slightly uneasy but he hid it well. “It’s not like that…” he began, as a plastic smile settled on his face. I wasn’t ready to budge. His smile dropped when he noticed this. The corners of his mouth tightened as he turned to the laptop and began typing something. I opened my mouth to voice my annoyance when he turned the device towards me. 

“This is the digital version of the contract that was signed by both parties. Have a look.” There wasn’t any mock or taunt in his voice. It was business-like and more on the defensive side. I glanced at him before my eyes flickered to the screen. I willed myself to remain calm. I had brought up the topic, I want to know the truth so I shouldn’t be panicking or breaking down. That was for later, when I would be alone in that room turned luxurious prison. 

The glare of the screen almost hurt my eyes, but I blinked and concentrated on each and every word. It was a short contract with short clauses but ones that were stringent and breaking them would be a mistake. It looked like my father’s pack or Alpha Black’s pack as I should call him from now, was going through a crisis, and I was only told about the surface-level of it. The Renaud pack promised to support them with men and resources, but they needed something hefty in return. 

Alpha Black offered me as a bride for Alpha Isaac and in return, he vowed to not have anything to do with me or my well-being in the future. I was, it seemed, truly under the mercy of the ‘beast’. I swallowed back the lump in my throat and blinked several times to ease the burning in the corner of my eyes. 

“So I was practically ‘sold’ to this pack in exchange for pack warriors and resources,” I said calmly. My gaze darted towards Marcus who pursed his lips. I pushed the device slightly towards him and he gingerly turned iit and kept it back in its original place. 

“We wouldn’t say that and Ms. Black-”

“Kathryn please.” I suddenly felt nauseous at the mention of my former surname. He paused, gauging my expression before carefully phrasing his next words. “Sorry, Luna Kathryn, we wouldn’t say that you were ‘sold’. That makes us look barbaric. We were given the impression that you know and have agreed to this… alliance.”  

Of course…of course, Alpha Black would manipulate the situation for his own good and not even think twice before getting rid of his own flesh and blood. I was only an abomination in the pack after I turned 15. 

“You should have done some research then,” I retorted, “You should have known that a girl like me, someone from such a small pack would know anything about Alpha Isaac. You should have known that because his presence has been missing from the entire werewolf world at least for the last two years.” My vision had become sharper and I could feel Astrid strongly at the back of my mind. Even Marcus cowered slightly. 

“We…know the situation. Alpha Isaac hasn’t been in the best…state, but-”

“State? What is he even going through? Let alone Alpha Black, why didn’t any of you come and speak to me? At least I would know what my dear old father was signing me up for.” I stood up, agitated. 

Years of learning endurance and patience had gone for a toss as I made my way to the door, having nothing else to say or listen. I blinked back my tears the moment my back was towards Marcus. “Your father…made a vow, Luna Kathryn. You can’t leave, not after knowing about our Alpha.”

I hastily wiped away a traitorous sal drop that had rolled down my cheek and muttered. “I don’t plan to leave, beta Marcus. Rest assured.” I have nowhere to go anyway.

~~~~~~

I had made it to the room, my haven and prison without anyone noticing. Especially Margarette. A lunch tray was waiting and I instantly knew that someone had definitely seen me leave Marcus’ office. I closed the door with a thud. 

I padded to the bathroom and peeled off my clothes. I walked out and stood in front of the full-length mirror. Most of the marks had faded, but the bond mark remained, acting as a reminder that I belonged to this pack now, that I belonged, yet I didn’t. I had a mate and yet…I didn’t. 

The tears were almost invisible against my pale complexion. My gaze flittered over my body. What was I useful for? Only because I had the female organs? Otherwise, who would even look at me? From the jutting hip bones to the wide waist and wider hips, from electric blue eyes that made me look angry all the time to my white-blonde hair, nothing about me seemed appealing. There was nothing about me that was attractive. Even my lips were thin almost like a line, and so pale that it blended with the skin. 

The voices that used to keep me awake in my childhood snarled and roared back and I clapped my ears to stop them but instead of ceasing the voices became louder. ‘You have always been a burden. You have always been nothing but a commodity in the eyes of everyone. No wonder, they passed you along like unwanted baggage. You are just his bedmate, you know?. Like he said, you are the price, and Alpha Black made a good bid, a profitable one. You are just another conquest. Maybe after he's done with you, he will kill you. For good.’