Backslide

Backslide

To lapse morally; To drop to a lower level, as in one's morals or standards; To revert to a worse condition.

She woke up before dawn, quickly got dressed and took off from Justin’s apartment across her own. Good thing, she just lived across from him. Otherwise, this escape would have become so difficult. She intended never to see him again. She would soon look like her old self, with her boring, old-fashioned style and thick glasses.

He’s a snob who didn’t look down on her kind. She looked quite different last night, even she couldn’t recognize herself. She was so sure he would never remember her. She just made it easier for him to ditch her, which she believed he quite certainly would.

She washed her face and soaked in a hot bath to clear her head. She stared at her own body. Almost every inch of it, had been touched by the City’s most wanted bachelor—Justin Adams. She couldn’t believe that she went so far overboard. She looked for fun. For oblivion. Losing her virginity on a one-night stand to a hotshot playboy seemed way over what she had in mind when she started out last night.

She still felt a bit sore. But she didn’t feel guilty at all. She didn’t feel like she didn’t have any values. She didn’t even feel like she cheated on Troy.

It was the first time in her life that she felt alive. That she felt appreciated and adored. And when she felt the pain of the impact of their lovemaking, she felt his concern. It was genuine. She felt cared for. Like she finally mattered.

She remembered that, when the pain became visible on her face, concern and guilt appeared in his eyes as he wiped her tears away. He took off the condom when he realized she was a virgin. Probably, he thought, using it might hurt her more. Her body was not yet accustomed to sex. It would be gentler if he didn’t wear the condom.

He probably believed she was safe. He need not wear protection. He was her first.

A thought crossed her mind. She was a virgin. He was a player. She probably seemed safe for him. But what about him for her? Adrienne shrugged the thought off her mind. Justin Adams is most probably too smart and too egotistical to catch something. He must be using protection all the time, not just to be safe, but to make sure that no woman could blackmail him into marriage.

She felt fine when she went to bed after a bath. And this caused her to worry. She spent the night in sin, but all that’s left were memories that she knew she would not mind dwelling on for some time in the future.

She was awakened by the ring of her phone. “Hello,” she said sleepily.

“Wake up!” It was Jill.

“It’s too early!” she told her grumpily.

“What time did you go to sleep last night?” Jill asked.

“Why?”

“Because you’re still sleeping and it’s past twelve. You never sleep past noon.”

“Well, I decided to break the habit,” she responded.

“You slept late last night, that’s what it is.” Jill’s tone seemed to accuse her of something.

“I don’t know what time I went to sleep,” Adrienne said. She stood up to go to her bathroom. “Hold on. I’m just going to splash some water on my face to wake myself up.”

Jill waited for five minutes while Adrienne washed her face and brushed her teeth.

“All right. What’s up?” Adrienne asked when she finished.

“How was Gypsys?”

That was enough to wake her up. “Ah…great. Nothing different. The same as the others.”

Shit! I’m lying!

“Did you leave early? Tell me you didn’t leave early!”

“Why?” she asked.

“Well…one of the girls I know from my neighborhood said that Justin Adams attended the opening. And he became attached to some redhead. They didn’t arrive together. He approached her and then they danced, kissed and left together.”

Now, her heart was pounding.

Damn! How popular can Justin Adams be?

She must remember not to go to Jill’s apartment for a minimum of two months at the risk of being recognized.

“So what?”

“Well, Justin isn’t known for picking up girls at bars. He does have a reputation of a playboy, but you would never see him holding hands with a girl in public, least of all kissing.”

“And the point is?”

“Well…she could be special. Justin likes to keep his reputation of being single. He doesn’t go steady with any girl. He doesn’t go public with a girl. And that’s what makes him more attractive! Like he is an ice king or something. He doesn’t pursue and he walks away easily.”

“Wow! How can an ice king be a playboy? I thought playboys are supposed to be hot!”

“Yeah, and that’s what makes him different! That’s what makes him a god! He doesn’t have a reputation for pickup lines! But beautiful girls, worthy enough to be models, would just fall at his feet. And last night, it seemed he broke his rules. He picked someone up!”

“Jillian, why are we talking about Justin Adams? You called me to talk about him? Why does everybody obsess about his love life?”

“He doesn’t have one,” Jill reminded her.

“All right. Then why is everybody obsessed over his sex life?” she asked, correcting herself. “So what? He sees a girl. He could have known her from the past or something. Could be an old girlfriend.” She surprised herself there. She didn’t know she could lie with so much conviction.

“Nope. He never had a girlfriend! That’s the point.”

She heard her doorbell ring. She was happy with a little distraction. She lost count of how many lies she just told her best friend in a span of two minutes. She opened the door.

Surprise of all surprises. The man of the hour himself came to her doorstep, and Adrienne thought she would die that instant.

“Holy mother of fuck!” She cursed like she’s never cursed before, it rendered Jill speechless on the other line.

He was about to open his mouth to say something but she cut him off.

“Shut up!” she said and his eyebrows shot up behind his sports sunglasses.

“What is wrong with you?” Jill asked.

“Sorry, Jill. I dropped a shampoo on my foot, it fucking hurts! I’ll call you back later.” She hung up without waiting for Jill’s answer.

She faced Justin, who looked amused. He held out a cup of Starbucks coffee in his hand.

“For the hangover? That’s assuming I can speak now.” He smiled at her.

“How…how…”

Shit! This is embarrassing!

“How do I know where you live?” Justin asked.

Her tongue was tied somewhere inside her mouth. She could only nod.

“I have always known where you lived, since you moved into this building…Miss Adrienne Miller.”

“You…you knew who I was? You knew my name wasn’t really… Jamila McBride?”

He smiled at her. “Yep. I never realized that being fake named by somebody you already know could be hilarious. I couldn’t resist playing along. The name you chose actually suited you… Beautiful.”

“Oh my God, this is so embarrassing!” she groaned in disbelief.

“It’s not embarrassing. I thought it was funny and cute,” Justin countered. “Now, do you want to discuss this here in the hallway, or are you going to invite me in?”

She opened the door wider without saying another word. He followed her inside and closed the door behind him.

He placed the coffee on her table and pushed his shades up on his head, revealing his beautiful blue eyes.

“Thanks.”

          “No sweat,” he said. “You didn’t give me a chance to make you one this morning.

She turned red. She was now very sober yet his presence reminded her of everything that happened between them the previous night.

“Yeah…last night…It was…it never should have happened,” she stammered.

He didn’t say anything. He just stared at her with his crystal blue eyes, quizzing her…and for reasons she couldn’t understand, drowning her.

After a while, he said, “But it did happen, honey.”

“Yes. And I hope we can just forget about it. Like…like we don’t know each other.”

“But we do know each other now,” he stated. “Intimately, I might add.”

“Yes, damn it!” She found herself really irritated. She didn’t need this. She didn’t want this. Sure, she would feel very insulted if she met him in the hall or in the elevator and he acted like he didn’t know her, especially if he had another woman in his arms, which most likely would happen.

Although, she realized that since she moved into her apartment and learned that he was her next-door neighbor, she had never seen him bring a woman into the building.

Nevertheless, she thought it would be much better and much more comfortable pretending that she didn’t know him than exchanging “hi’s” and “how are you’s” with him.

“I was not myself last night. I just needed an outlet. I needed to explore, pretend to be somebody I wasn’t. Assume a different identity. You were there! That’s why I gave you a different name! And I was drunk more than half the time…and it… it got completely out of hand…”

He smiled. “I sort of knew that.”

She waited for him to say something more. But he just stood there, staring at her with an eyebrow shot up.

“Damn it, say something!”

He smiled. “All right. You’re cute. And you’re cuter when you’re mad.”

She took a deep breath. “What do you want, Justin?”

He shrugged. “Actually, I’m not sure,” he admitted.

Then he walked a step closer. She walked a step back, her heart pounding in her chest. He looked so divine in his black jeans and leather jacket. His hair still looked wet, which meant he went to Starbucks straight from the shower.

He kept walking towards her and she kept backing down, until she hit the wall of her living room and Justin pinned her between it and his body. She stared at him squarely.

He tilted her chin up and she almost panicked when his face descended towards hers. He kissed her. Once. Softly. Then his arms went around her waist and he deepened the kiss. Her knees went soft and she felt her nerves come to life. She didn’t need that coffee he brought. His kisses thoroughly woke her up. No, not just his kisses. The idea of sleep evaded her the minute she opened the door and found him in front of her.

She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back. For a minute, she almost felt lost.

He leaned his forehead against hers, his were eyes closed as he took a deep breath. Then he looked back at her. His face no more than four inches away from hers. His lips were curved into a crooked smile. She bit her lower lip, and then she started smiling. He smiled, too. A real smile, which showed her that he had perfect set of teeth and dimples on each side of his lips. He looked more charming and more handsome this close than he did when she saw him from afar.

He pinched her nose gently “You better take that coffee of yours.”

She nodded. She started to move towards the table. But both of his hands were now on the wall beside both her ears, caging her.

“Hey, you said coffee,” she protested quietly.

He gave her a quick smack before getting out of the way. He took his own coffee.

She took a sip of hers and took out a pack of cigarettes. She went to her balcony. He followed.

They sat there quietly for several minutes.

When she looked at him, she found him studying her.

“What?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Nothing.”

“I can tell you were staring at me behind those shades of yours. Like you were sizing me up or something. What?”

He shrugged. “What’s the deal with you?”

“What deal?”

He shrugged again. “You said you were looking for an outlet last night. You wanted to be somebody else. Why?”

“Nothing.” She sighed. “I just didn’t want to live by the rules for once in my life.”

“Rules of?”

“My parents. The whole mundane values they taught me for all of my life. Like everyone expects me to be goody-two-shoes…and yet I still wasn’t good enough. So I thought, who cares? Screw up for one night. Well…I wasn’t literally thinking screw!”

He laughed. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t planning to screw someone when I approached you. I knew you and you looked different. Yeah sort of not how anyone would expect you to look like or behave. I came alone for a drink. I realized you were alone, too. So… I just wanted to introduce myself to my next-door neighbor.”

“And you know her now… too well, if you ask me!” she said sarcastically.

He shrugged. “Not at all. I believe girls like you have layers in your personalities. And I don’t see that too often nowadays.”

“Girls like me have secret identities hidden in our closets. You met my alter-ego last night, by the way.”

He laughed. “I have a feeling you want to forget what happened between us last night.”

She stared at him seriously. “You’re not exactly a nobody, you know. Honestly, you’re the last guy I expected to be involved in a one-night stand with.”

He raised an eyebrow. “So that’s what it is? A one-night stand?”

She looked down on her fingers nervously. “Yeah…I guess so. It was not supposed to happen. But it did. I got caught up in the moment and my curiosity made me go overboard. I’m the last person you would want on your list anyway.”

“My list?” he asked, quite surprised.

She stared at him. His face showed no sign of any emotion.

“You know…the long line of girls wanting a piece of you. I didn’t want any of that. Cross me out of the list of girls who expect you to return their calls.”

“I think I didn’t have to return your calls since you probably won’t call me at all. But then again, I guess you know my reputation more than you know me,” he said.

“I don’t know you at all,” she said squarely.

“You know me more intimately now.”

She turned red. He laughed.

“And you can get to know me on a personal level. For all it’s worth, I hope we can be friends.”

She shook her head. “No. I don’t move in your circles. It would be so hard to keep that friendship going. Plus, you live in a world where everything you do almost makes it into the gossip columns. You’re one of Manhattan’s most sought-after bachelors. It would be very hard to be friends with you. I don’t want my girlfriends to be asking about what’s happening in your life. I’m not interested in that.”

He stared at for a moment and then he asked, “Boyfriend?”

“What?” she countered.

“I’m thinking you have a boyfriend,” he asserted.

She stared back at him. So, he really is a smart ass! Harvard straight A’s. It seems that part wasn’t a rumor.

“What made you say that?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Nobody trashes an offer of friendship if it wouldn’t cause havoc to something monumental in their lives.”

She stared out at the line of buildings that make up her wonderful New York City view.

“How long have you been with this guy?” he continued.

She sighed. “Three years.”

Justin almost choked on his coffee.

Adrienne looked at him seriously. “I know. How did I manage to lose my virginity just last night? And not to him?”

“I didn’t ask the question,” he noted. “You did,”

She raised a brow at him. “I asked it so I wouldn’t have to say the answer out loud.”

“Your call,” he stated coolly. But if she could see his crystal blue eyes beneath those pair of shades, she knew they danced with laughter.

“Shit! What’s wrong with me? I don’t even feel guilty about it!”

He shrugged. “You don’t love him. Maybe you’re keeping him because it seemed like the right thing to do.”

She stared at him, unable to believe that he could analyze her almost to a T. “One more psychoanalyzing me and you’re out of here, mister!”

He laughed. “Come on, get dressed. Let’s go get lunch.”

“What? Why?”

He shrugged. “I’m asking you to go to lunch with me. And why not? That answers both your questions, doesn’t it?”

“Where?” she asked.

He smiled and again she saw how deep his dimples were. “Somewhere no one knows either of us, since you don’t want people to know that we know each other.”

“Great idea! It’s easy for me. I can eat at Burger King and no one would notice. But it’s kinda hard for you.”

He raised a brow. “Who do you think I am? Brad Pitt?”

She stood up and went to her room. She realized that she just accepted his offer for lunch without any protest. With questions, yes. But not protests.

She slipped into her white Capri cargo pants, and a white mini T-shirt. She tied her hair in a ponytail. No need to put anything on her face. She didn’t need to impress Justin Adams. She already slept with him! And she wasn’t planning to sleep with him again. In fact, she didn’t have any idea why she’s having lunch with him when she should have seen the last of him when she left his apartment this morning.

When she got out of the bedroom, she knew he was staring at her behind his glasses.

“What?” she asked.

He just shrugged, and then he leaned forward and gave her a gentle smack on the lips.

On the elevator, he took her hand in his. Her heart pounded at the touch of his skin.

What is it with this guy that makes her feel like she’s being electrocuted? This could not be from the tequila anymore. She never felt this way with Troy. Not even when he kissed her goodnight.

When they reached the ground floor, she pulled her hand away from his grip. He stared at her, raising a brow.

“Bad idea. You: Celebrity. Me: Supposedly spoken for.”

He smiled. “Okay, Miss Miller.” He held out his hand and motioned for her to go out of the lift first when the door opened. “After you, Miss Miller,” he stated, his voice full of sarcasm. Obviously, he mocked her.

She raised a brow at him crossly, and to her surprise he mouthed, “You’re a fox!” Which made her blush even more.

He led her to his Red Ferrari. She noticed the dark tint on the windows.

“Great! Maniac tint!”

“Good for your plan, right?” He opened the door for her and she hopped inside quickly.

He took her for a drive. They chatted more about themselves on the way. Adrienne expected to become uncomfortable. What could she possibly talk about with NYC’s most wanted?

First, they were so different in many ways! As an heir to a multi-billion-dollar family business, he was born with a silver, even a platinum, spoon! She, on the other hand, barely inherited the genes of her middle-class family. He’s a creation fit for the gods. Her own mother didn’t even think she looked better than a bit okay. He earned two degrees easily, and people considered him smart beyond belief. According to her mother, she only graduated with honors because her major was a piece of cake. People put him high up on a pedestal whereas her own family and her own boyfriend never professed any pride in her even for a moment.

But as she sat in Justin Adams’s sleek Ferrari, she found that she could relax, and not care about how she looked, what she would say next, or where he would take her.

“How long have you been with Blush?” he asked.

“Almost like forever. It’s my first job,” she replied.

“I heard you were good.”

 She shrugged. “I get a bit bored sometimes, you know. I need more action.”

“Judging by the way your colleagues talk about you, it seems you’ll be destined for more soon.”

“I can’t believe Justin Adams engages in gossip.” She rolled her eyes.

He chuckled. “No. I have ears. Guys in your office talk about you a lot, you know.”

She looked out the window. “Well, I doubted they’d say much about me. Probably because I am the most boring girl at Blush. Smart but boring.”

“No. Try smart, snobby and undeniably gorgeous.”

She laughed sarcastically. “Don’t think so, mister. The smart part seems partly flattering. The snobby part probably rings true. The undeniably gorgeous part is undeniably a lie.”

He chuckled. “No. Clearly, you are mistaken. You should think more of yourself. The undeniably gorgeous part is undeniably true. Take it from the guy who approached you at a bar, ended up spending a wonderful night with you, and made amazing love to you.”

She glared at him. She knew she turned so red, she could be turning violet already.

“Must you always bring that up?”

He looked at her for a moment and then he shrugged. “I’m sorry. I forgot. You wanted to forget last night. But hmmm…the woman I made love to last night was confident…and foxy. I wonder if she’s just sleeping there somewhere inside of you.”

“I tied her up so she could never come out in the open again.”

“It’s a pity,” he said. “She’s a fox.”

She didn’t say anything. She didn’t know what to feel. Flattered? Because Justin Adams told her that she’s gorgeous. Embarrassed? Because he knows that he helped unleash a spirit within her that she didn’t even know existed. Scared? Because she knew his reputation and suspected that she had gotten tangled in his web as his latest prey.

After lunch, he took her hand in his and led her to a small shopping center. She stared at him in alarm.

“Outside Manhattan,” he began. “We don’t need to pretend we don’t know each other here.”

She rolled her eyes but did not pull her hand away. They went around, holding hands, asking each other questions about themselves, like where they grew up and what courses they took in college.

“Wanna watch a movie?” he asked.

She shrugged. “All right. I’m not too busy. Plus, you have the car. I don’t even know how to get home.”

He chuckled and led her to the movie theater. He bought popcorn and soda before they entered the screening room.

In the middle of the film, Justin reached out for her hand and held it in his.

Later, he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. She stared at him. His features were illuminated by the lights from the screen. He looked just as her friends described him. Divine. He didn’t have his shades on. She could see his long eyelashes and his perfectly straight nose.

He looked at her and their eyes met. He smiled boyishly. Then he leaned forward and kissed her gently. He released her hand, raised his arm and put it around her shoulders. She rested her head on his shoulder.

After the movie, she felt a wave of brand-new emotions. She didn’t exactly understand what had unfolded. She didn’t ask for it. Least of all, she didn’t ask for Justin Adams to barge into her life and take her to the movies and hold her in the middle of the film. Troy would never do such things. He firmly believed that patrons should not cuddle in movie houses.

After the movie, Justin led her to another restaurant where they had dinner.

She must have fallen asleep on the way home. But she remembered that before she drifted off, Justin reached out and held her hand in his.

They were still holding hands when he woke her up with butterfly kisses on her cheek. When she opened her eyes, she was staring at his blue eyes.

“We’re home, beautiful,” he said softly. And he leaned forward and kissed her passionately. A kiss that left her breathless. He went out of the car and opened the opposite side door for her.

He put an arm around her as he led her to the elevator. She found herself too giddy to protest. In the elevator, he put his arms around her waist and again took her in for an intoxicating kiss. The elevator stopped on the third floor and they immediately moved to opposite corners, as if they didn’t know each other. An old couple got in.

She counted up to almost an eternity before the old couple got out on the fifth floor. As soon as the doors closed, they met each other at the center, pulling each other, finding each other’s lips, locking each other in a passionate embrace. She felt desire starting to take over her senses once again.

They half-ran to her apartment. As soon as the door closed behind them, they began undressing each other. Their clothes piled up on the floor leaving a trail to the bedroom. When the back of her knees hit the edge of her bed, all that was left on her was her white thongs.

She realized that everything she said about what happened between them being a mistake that shouldn’t happen again…was a lie. A product of the supposedly real Adrienne Miller who wouldn’t do anything to disappoint her mother and her boyfriend.

He drugged her with his kisses. He made her woozy with every touch. Until her mind went blank except for one word that she kept saying in her moans of pleasure—Justin.

She didn’t know how long it took. She just knew that he left her senseless. When it was over, they cuddled in the dark. They talked more about each other. Justin really seemed interested to know more about her.

“I just realized that I am…having a pillow talk for the first time in my life.”

He chuckled. “Oh. How was it so far?”

She shrugged. “Not bad at all. I feel comfortable, to be honest.”

“Your boyfriend must be blind or mad…or…impotent.”

She stared at him curiously. “Why do you say that?”

He shrugged. “You’re a beautiful woman. I just couldn’t understand why he didn’t work on getting to know you… intimately. Is he gay?”

She shook her head. “We just don’t see each other often, I guess. And he’s…probably as conservative as my mother. We don’t even kiss at the cinemas.”

“Really? I wouldn’t be able to resist kissing you in the dark.”

“Well, he’s like that. Plus, he doesn’t live in New York. It’s a long-distance relationship.”

And he didn’t make me feel the things you made me feel. She wanted to add that but she decided against it. Justin Adams probably knows that he’s a cut above the rest of the male species.

“Well, unfortunately for him, he just lost the chance to steal your innocence from you,” he said teasingly.

“You didn’t steal it,” she argued. “I gave it to you.”

“And I thank you, honey. I will never forget that.” Then he kissed her thoroughly again.

She prepared a bath and he joined her. She had never shared a bath with a man before. And even up to that moment, she couldn’t believe that she shared it with Justin Adams.

Afterwards, he led her back to bed where he finished what he started in the bathroom.

By midnight, she felt exhausted. She slept with her head on his shoulders and his arms wrapped around her. She was having the sweetest of dreams indeed.