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Putting It Off
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Related chapters
All Grown Up Making Plans
JesseThere was a smile on my face when I woke up on Sunday morning, and it only grew as I rolled over and found Audrey still in bed beside me. It was the first time that I could remember waking up happy in the two months since she had left. Audrey was still asleep, and her beauty took my breath away. She looked relaxed and peaceful, comfortable. She had the blanket pulled up under her cheek, her arm curled around the pillow.She looked just as perfect as I remembered her. I never wanted to let her go again; I wanted her there next to me every morning when I woke up.I forced myself not to think that far ahead into the future. That was a recipe for disappointment. Eventually, she was probably going to want to head back to Paris and try to get herself back into the Academy. Or into some other dance troupe; there had to be more out there who would leap at the opportunity to have her. She was incredible, and I didn’t believe that some gaffe, even if it had been on stage, was enough to kn
All Grown Up Foundation
Jesse“Audrey?” I asked, worried about her. “Are you all right?”She shook her head and rushed off to the bathroom, just like she had the previous day at lunch. This time, though, I was there to hold back her hair as she heaved over the toilet. There wasn’t much to come up, and I winced in sympathy as she dry-retched a few times. Finally, she drew a ragged breath and wiped at her mouth, sitting back. I held her against my chest.“Are you sure this is just food poisoning?” I asked her. “Maybe you should see a doctor.”Audrey shook her head. “I’ll be all right,” she said. “I’m sure I’m just making it worse each time I try to eat something. I just need to let it pass and then I’ll be fine.”I frowned, wanting to argue with that, but I didn’t know what to say. Of course she knew her body better than I could. Anyway, it seemed like the nausea was her only symptom. Maybe it was just food poisoning. I felt sorry for her either way.She pulled out of my arms and pushed herself to her feet, lo
All Grown Up Morning Sickness
AudreyI breathed a sigh of relief as I closed the front door behind me. I hated that I’d had to rush out of Jesse’s place like that. He had no idea how much I wanted to have breakfast with him and then tumble back into bed until work dragged him off again. I had woken up that morning with a smile on my face for the first time in so long. Even though he wasn’t right there next to me in bed, I felt like I was surrounded by his presence. That presence let me know that everything was going to be okay.The trouble was, I still hadn’t told him that I was pregnant, and I wasn’t sure how long I could manage to hide that from him while I was there in his presence. I could already see the concern on his face, could see the way that he was trying to puzzle things out. He knew that it wasn’t food poisoning that was making me feel this way.It was only a matter of time before he figured out just what it was. I needed to tell him first.It seemed like the more I psyched myself up to tell him, the
All Grown Up Do the Right Thing
Audrey“It’s good to see him,” I said honestly. “Better than I expected, even.”“Does that mean you told him about the baby and everything went well?” Annabelle asked. “Wait, he didn’t propose to you or something already, did he?”“No,” I said, shaking my head. I bit my lower lip. “No to both of those things, actually. He didn’t propose, but I also didn’t tell him about the baby.”Annabelle groaned. “Audrey,” she said. “You know you have to tell him at some point. He has a right to know his own kid. Besides, this is Jesse that we’re talking about. What’s the worst that he could do?”“Marry me out of a sense of duty,” I suggested.Annabelle snorted. “That’s ridiculous. That man is head over heels for you, in case you hadn’t noticed.”“What if he doesn’t want a kid? The timing of this just isn’t right,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t want him to feel like I’m trapping him.” I paused. “I don’t know, when you really think about it, all of this is so crazy. Sure, we used to be best frie
All Grown Up Dreams
JesseWith the way that Audrey had rushed out of my place on Sunday morning, claiming that she had to get home to help her mom, I had been worried that I had somehow messed things up between us already, after just one night. I couldn’t put my finger on anything that I might have done, but I could tell that there was a lot going on in her head at the moment.She still wasn’t sharing any of it with me, but she had swung by the shop on Sunday evening as Chance and I were closing up and had come home with me. We had spent every night together since then, but curiously enough, the more mornings that I woke up beside her, the more I felt those dreams from the first morning, those hopes for domestic bliss, slipping further and further away from me.Mainly because she still wasn’t telling me what the hell was going on. I didn’t think that she had told me the whole story for why she had left Paris, and she definitely wasn’t explaining her health issues or any of the rest of it. I knew that the
All Grown Up Trouble In Paradise
JesseWe finished up breakfast, and I noted as I carried the plates over to the sink that she had barely eaten anything. Again. I was really starting to worry about her. She didn’t have a lot of extra weight to begin with, and this illness wasn’t going to make things any better for her. I didn’t know how to convince her of that, though.When I got to the hardware store, Joe immediately sensed that something was up. He made a show of looking at his watch. “Trouble in paradise?” he joked. “Thought you’d be running late this morning, not early.”I rolled my eyes. “We have a couple of big shipments coming in this morning, doofus,” I reminded him, as though that was the reason that I was here as early as I was. It was a lie. To be honest, part of me had been hoping that after breakfast, I could entice Audrey to come back to bed with me. By the time I had put the plates in the dishwasher and followed her upstairs, I had found her already dressed and pulling on her shoes.This in spite of th
All Grown Up Brainstorming
AudreyJoe wrinkled his nose. “Sounds pretty gross,” he said. “She’s refusing to see a doctor about it?”“She says she’s got an appointment, but I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I don’t understand why she scheduled it for so far out.”“Maybe she’s just hoping it will be out of her system before she has to see a doctor,” Joe suggested. “Does she even have health insurance over here?”“I hadn’t thought about that,” I admitted. That could be it. She had just lost her job in France, and she probably didn’t know what she was going to do for money. Her family had never exactly been rich. Most families in Aberdeen weren’t any better than comfortably middle class, and doctor visits could be expensive.I wanted to believe that was the case. If it was, though, I wished that she would just talk to me about it. We could have figured something out. Nothing, especially not some amount of money, was worth her poor health and unhappiness.“Or maybe she’s doing drugs,” Chance piped up.I stared blankl
All Grown Up At The Doctor
AudreyI kicked my feet and drummed my fingers nervously as I waited for it to be my turn at the clinic. “Hey, relax,” Annabelle said, giving me a smile. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”“I know,” I said, managing to stop drumming my fingers on the armrest. I kept kicking my feet, though. I just couldn’t seem to sit still.My first ultrasound. I was nervous as anything, but I couldn’t help being excited too. There was no longer any doubt in my mind that I was pregnant. I had done the two tests back in France that Trish had insisted on, and by now, I had reconciled things in my head. With Annabelle’s help, I’d done a ton of research over the past week while I waited for this appointment to come around.I was pregnant. Would I be able to see the little peanut-sized embryo growing inside of me already? Would I be able to hear its heartbeat?There was a part of me that wished that Jesse were there with me rather than Annabelle. Oh, Annabelle was looking forward to her niece or nephew. I had no d
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All Grown Up All Grown Up
AudreyI couldn’t believe that Jesse had gone to all of this work to build the perfect nursery for our baby. From the looks of the crib, it was hand-built, not just one of those flimsy things that you put together from the store. I could tell that there was still some work that he planned on putting into that, and there was a rocking chair only half finished on the floor. But Jesse was building me a nursery for our baby.I could barely believe it.Here I had been so worried that he would want nothing to do with me or the baby, when in fact, exactly the opposite was true. He wanted this enough that he was willing to put his love and dedication into incorporating us into his life and his home. He wanted our baby to grow up here just like he had grown up here.He was so perfect. I didn’t know how to tell him that.Instead, I was given the opportunity to show it to him.I caught his hands in mine and tugged him out of the nursery and back down the hallway to his bedroom. This time, I was
All Grown Up Moving Forward
JesseWhen I heard Audrey’s reasons for why she hadn’t told me about the pregnancy, I felt my heart break a little. Not because her reasons were terrible, but because I’d been so terrible to her this week. If she’d only explained things to me before. I knew that was my fault, though. I hadn’t let her explain. We’d been tired and too full of emotions to really talk last weekend, but I at least should have made time to see her earlier in the week.I didn’t know what I’d been expecting from her, but her actual reasons for not telling me were almost too sweet.“I’m assuming that you want to try to get yourself back into shape and go back to being a ballerina once the baby is born?” I said now, at dinner.To my surprise, Audrey shook her head. “Honestly, I think those days are over.”“I’m sure you can talk to your director and work something out with him,” I said, frowning. “I know there was the injury as well as this, but he seems like a reasonable guy. It’s not like you don’t have the ta
All Grown Up Mending Bridges
AudreyJesse slowly came up to the porch, like he thought I might run in the other direction. “You look really pretty,” he said quietly.“Is that all you came here to say?” I asked tartly.The lips of his mouth twitched with a grin. “Just the start of it,” he promised me. “Have you already eaten? I was hoping that maybe I could take you to dinner and we could talk.”I stared at him for a long moment. So now he wanted to talk? I wanted to hear whatever it was that he wanted to say, though. I wanted him, so badly that I ached. I found myself nodding. “Let’s go,” I said, heading toward his truck.We were both silent on the way to the restaurant that had been our favorite as teens. I should have known that he would take me there. Back to where it all began. There was a part of me that was terrified that I was never going to be able to come back here again after this too-serious conversation that we were about to have.There was another part of me that soared with hope, wondering if this m
All Grown Up Missing Him
AudreyI shook my head. “It’s more complicated than that,” I sighed. “He just got mad because I didn’t tell him that I was pregnant until we were on the way to the hospital. I lied to him about why I was back here, and he can’t trust me anymore.” I bit my lip. “I deserve it, for waiting for the perfect time. I just didn’t think waiting was going to end up making things so terrible.”“Oh, Audrey,” Annabelle sighed, coming over to sit next to me on the bed and giving me a hug. I knew she was probably going to be running late for her shift, but she didn’t seem to care. She just wanted to make sure that I was all right. I nearly cried with how much I appreciated it.She noticed. “Are you crying?”I had to laugh. “Hormones,” I told her. “I’m pregnant, remember? My emotions are all over the place.”She shook her head and went to grab me a tissue from the box on the dresser. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’ll be mad at you forever,” she said. “You didn’t see him when you were in Paris
All Grown Up Baby On Board
AudreyI’d had a great day with Mom and Annabelle, cooing over all the adorable little things that we could buy for the baby in the local mall. I knew that they were really excited about the baby, but as much as I tried to match their enthusiasm, I still couldn’t help but feel upset and unsure. It would have been so much easier if I had known that Jesse and I were an item and that he was going to be there for me. For us.I still hadn’t heard from him, though, and now it had been nearly a week since he had found out about the fact that I was pregnant.It had been a long week. Other than that shopping trip, I had barely left the house. What was there to do? Anywhere that I went around town, there was a chance that I might run into Jesse. I didn’t want to admit that I was avoiding him, but the conversation that he and I needed to have wasn’t one that I really wanted to start in public where anyone could witness it.It was a small town. Soon enough, everyone was going to realize that I wa
All Grown Up Audrey
JesseI took a calming breath to steady myself. No. I at least knew Audrey well enough to know that she wouldn’t do something like that without at least telling me that was her plan. Even though I hadn’t reached out to her, she knew where to find me if she really needed to talk about something like that. She knew where I worked, and she knew where I lived.At least, I thought I knew Audrey well enough to trust in that. If not Audrey, though, I had a feeling I would have caught an earful from Annabelle if her sister was even considering that.“You’re sure it’s yours?” Joe asked.“Yeah,” I said. I grimaced. “I actually asked her if it was someone else’s and that was why she hadn’t told me about it. She got pretty upset that I had even dared to think that she might have been with someone else. I believe her.”Joe nodded, and I could tell he was thinking everything over.“Am I right to be angry with her?” I asked, when he didn’t say anything. “I mean, she flat-out lied to me. You were rig
All Grown Up Processing
JesseI knew that I should probably talk to Audrey. Not talking to her was driving me crazy. She had always been one of my best friends, and if there was anyone that I wanted to talk to, it was definitely her. I missed her. I wanted to know how she was handling all of this. I wanted to know what she was thinking.I wanted to make sure that she was following the doctor’s orders to rest and stay off her feet for a little bit, in case it was the stress that had caused that terrible cramping that she’d had the other night. It had been hard for Audrey to stay off her feet before when her ankle was injured, so I could only imagine how she was coping with it now.I hoped for the sake of the baby, our baby, that she was taking the doctor’s words seriously. I had a feeling she would be, though. Somehow, I knew that she was going to make an incredible mother. That little baby was lucky.It was one of the few things that I was sure of.The rest of it was all uncertainties, and that right there w
All Grown Up Stress
Audrey“Eleven weeks,” I said. “Annabelle and I went for the ultrasound on Friday.” I pulled out the picture to show her, and her face lit up.“Look at that little peanut of a thing,” she cooed. “He looks adorable.”“He?” I asked skeptically. “You can’t possibly tell that from the picture.”Mom tutted. “Let me have my dream,” she said. “It would be good to have a little man around the household again. Besides, look at the way he’s positioned. He must be a boy.”I tried not to laugh. “Maybe it’s a boy,” I said, glancing at Annabelle.“Audrey’s hoping it’s a girl so that she can teach her to be a ballerina,” Annabelle said.“The world could use more male ballerinas,” Mom said, winking at me. “I always wished that I would have a boy to balance out you girls.” She sounded wistful, and I suddenly realized that I had never known if two kids were all that she planned to have or if things just hadn’t worked out for more. It suddenly seemed like something that I should know.Mom was wrapped up
All Grown Up Telling Mom
AudreyI had barely left my bedroom for the rest of the weekend after Jesse dropped me off at home. I couldn’t help thinking of the terrible things that he had said to me out in the driveway. I couldn’t help thinking of how much I deserved for him to say those things and more to me.I had fucked up. I knew that now. No, I had known that all along. I knew that I should tell him about the baby. All the reasons not to tell him seemed so stupid now. I couldn’t even think how to apologize to him, in fact, that’s how stupid all the reasons sounded in my head.Not that I was going to get a chance to apologize to him. I had given him his space on Saturday. He wanted time to cool off and process things, and I would give that to him. Sunday, I hadn’t been able to stop myself from texting him, though. I understood if he wasn’t ready to talk yet, but I just wanted to know when he might be ready to talk. The uncertainty was killing me.He hadn’t responded. Suddenly, I felt panic go through me, eve
