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All Grown Up How Long?
Jesse“Oh wow!” I said in surprise. “Audrey, that’s amazing. No wonder you’re being so strict about your diet. It’ll take a lot of training to bring yourself up to that level, won’t it?” I felt relieved. Was that all that she was trying to tell me? That she wasn’t going to have as much time to spend with me in the evenings, or that she was going to be more exhausted when we did spend time together? That was fine.Audrey looked pained, though. “He wants me back soon,” she said. “And I’ve already said yes. This might be the biggest opportunity to ever cross my path. This is the one that dancers wait for. Like, this could make my career. This could get my name all over the world. Get me invitations to dance with whatever company I want to dance with and take all the roles that I want to take. It’s huge.”“It is huge,” I agreed, but I could feel apprehension welling up inside of me. She didn’t seem very excited about this. Somehow, it seemed like she was telling me bad news, but I couldn’
All Grown Up A Distraction
AudreyI should have known that Jesse would realize this wasn’t new info. I should have prepared something better to say when he asked me how long I had known. Of course, I would never lie to him. I could never lie to him. But there had to be something better to respond with than a guilty look and a mumbled, “Couple of weeks.”He looked shocked and then angry. And he had every right to. I should have told him sooner. I just hadn’t wanted to ruin the time that we had left. I didn’t want it to be all about saying goodbye. I just wanted to make the most of the time that we had. Now that I thought about it, it had been pretty selfish of me.It wasn’t like I had any real choice, though. He knew that I was going back to Paris at some point. So that was a little sooner than we had planned on. What else was I supposed to do?The part that killed me was, I wanted him to be happy for me about the lead role. I still could barely believe that I had gotten that lucky, that all my hard work was fin
All Grown Up Role of a Lifetime
Audrey“If you’d just told me about it, maybe you wouldn’t have had to ask,” Jesse snapped. “I was going to talk to you about that. I was thinking of maybe handing over the hardware store to Joe, at least for the time being, and coming with you. I guess that’s just not something that you would want, though.”I stared at him, mouth agape for a moment. He had thought about coming with me to France? I had never even considered that he might want to. Had I screwed everything up by not telling him?The reality was, though, that I just couldn’t picture him fitting into my life in Paris either. With this lead role that the director was granting me, I needed to have 100% of my focus on my dance training. I was going to be exhausted whenever I went home. I didn’t need to argue with Jesse over whether or not I was taking it too hard, putting myself through too much pain for the sake of dance.What would he do while I was off dancing? How would we make ends meet? It was too soon to be talking ab
All Grown Up All My Fault
JesseI thought bitterly back over my plans for the evening as the oven timer started going off in the kitchen. I had planned to have Audrey come over for a nice dinner, then we would talk and cuddle on the couch. Maybe watch a movie. Have sex and hold one another for the whole night. She had agreed to finally stay over again. It felt like a huge step for us.Then, I’d realized that there was no more holding back my feelings from her. I had to tell her that I loved her.I didn’t know what I had expected from that conversation. I guess the truth was, I had thought she would tell me that she loved me too. Then, I would sweep her off her feet and carry her upstairs, kissing her, ready to show her just how much I really loved her. Instead, I had screwed up everything.Well, not really. She was the one to stop me before I had a chance to tell her that I loved her. I was kind of glad for that now, with everything else. Because clearly, she didn’t feel the same way.She hadn’t even had the d
All Grown Up Ghosts
JesseI felt most terrible when I thought about the fact that she didn’t want to even try to figure out how to make things work with me. It made me think about what Annabelle had said about her using me. She had said that to Audrey, and Audrey had mentioned it to me. Now, I wondered if that had been the truth, if Audrey had been lying to me all along.I sat down at the kitchen table and took a bite of the dinner that we were supposed to share. I nearly choked on the first bite, the food like ashes in my mouth. I pushed my plate away and put my head in my hands. The house hadn’t felt this empty since right after Dad passed away.I had the sudden urge to head into town, just to be around other people. But where would I go? Gabby’s? I couldn’t do that. Annabelle worked there, and Audrey might be in there. Besides, even if neither of them were there, I would be stuck thinking about the last time that I had been there with Audrey. About the first time that I had been there with Audrey.I w
All Grown Up Back in Paris
AudreyI took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then another. I peeked out past the curtains. There was no one out there in the audience yet, but there would be soon. Just a couple more days and it would be time to go for real.The lighting guys ran a few final tests, and then we waited for the call. It was almost time to step out for the opening routine in the show. I was the first one on stage, and the last as well. What I did here would set the tone for the whole performance. I felt a little shiver run up my spine at the thought of that.The director suddenly appeared there before me. “Audrey, ma belle!” he said enthusiastically, kissing both of my cheeks. The man had never been quite so open and friendly with me before, and that, over the past week, had told me all I needed to know about both my dance and my ability to channel my sadness. That final piece nearly brought tears to my own eyes each time I performed it, and I knew the audience wouldn’t be able to help but be moved.
All Grown Up Some Advice
AudreyWe took our final notes from the director. He didn’t have anything but praise for me. It should have made me thrilled. I was dancing better than I ever could have hoped. Especially given that I’d had an injury that had kept me from dance for weeks. I wished that I could forget about Jesse and just enjoy the now.Then I felt guilty for thinking that. Forget about Jesse? As though he meant nothing to me?I wondered what he was up to right now. I calculated the time difference. It was early in the morning there. He was probably just waking up. Suddenly, I ached to be there with him, beside him in bed. I wanted his hands on my bare skin; I wanted to feel his soft lips pressed tenderly to mine. That was just a memory, though.I opened my eyes, not sure when I’d closed them, but I opened them to a quiet auditorium in France rather than to the sight of Jesse’s bedroom and swaths of naked skin. The other ballerinas were starting to trickle out, talking and laughing as they did so. I no
All Grown Up Gone Girl
JesseIt had been over a week since Audrey went back to Paris, but things still hadn’t gone back to normal. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I couldn’t stop feeling alone. Joe had been coming over nearly every night, just like he used to when Dad had died. He brought beer most times, but I drank most of it by myself. Getting drunk seemed to be the only way I could sleep.Not that I slept all that much. I couldn’t bring myself to go upstairs to my bedroom most nights. I’d had Audrey in that bed. I’d planned a life where we woke up together morning after morning. Instead, I was sleeping fitfully down on the couch, and waking up feeling as though I had never slept at all. I knew I probably looked like I was going through hell. It seemed like the whole town was in on it, giving me sympathetic looks.I almost wanted to remind everyone that it was my own damn fault that I felt this miserable. I’d known she’d be leaving. I knew better than to get attached. It wasn’t like she hadn’t disapp
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All Grown Up All Grown Up
AudreyI couldn’t believe that Jesse had gone to all of this work to build the perfect nursery for our baby. From the looks of the crib, it was hand-built, not just one of those flimsy things that you put together from the store. I could tell that there was still some work that he planned on putting into that, and there was a rocking chair only half finished on the floor. But Jesse was building me a nursery for our baby.I could barely believe it.Here I had been so worried that he would want nothing to do with me or the baby, when in fact, exactly the opposite was true. He wanted this enough that he was willing to put his love and dedication into incorporating us into his life and his home. He wanted our baby to grow up here just like he had grown up here.He was so perfect. I didn’t know how to tell him that.Instead, I was given the opportunity to show it to him.I caught his hands in mine and tugged him out of the nursery and back down the hallway to his bedroom. This time, I was
All Grown Up Moving Forward
JesseWhen I heard Audrey’s reasons for why she hadn’t told me about the pregnancy, I felt my heart break a little. Not because her reasons were terrible, but because I’d been so terrible to her this week. If she’d only explained things to me before. I knew that was my fault, though. I hadn’t let her explain. We’d been tired and too full of emotions to really talk last weekend, but I at least should have made time to see her earlier in the week.I didn’t know what I’d been expecting from her, but her actual reasons for not telling me were almost too sweet.“I’m assuming that you want to try to get yourself back into shape and go back to being a ballerina once the baby is born?” I said now, at dinner.To my surprise, Audrey shook her head. “Honestly, I think those days are over.”“I’m sure you can talk to your director and work something out with him,” I said, frowning. “I know there was the injury as well as this, but he seems like a reasonable guy. It’s not like you don’t have the ta
All Grown Up Mending Bridges
AudreyJesse slowly came up to the porch, like he thought I might run in the other direction. “You look really pretty,” he said quietly.“Is that all you came here to say?” I asked tartly.The lips of his mouth twitched with a grin. “Just the start of it,” he promised me. “Have you already eaten? I was hoping that maybe I could take you to dinner and we could talk.”I stared at him for a long moment. So now he wanted to talk? I wanted to hear whatever it was that he wanted to say, though. I wanted him, so badly that I ached. I found myself nodding. “Let’s go,” I said, heading toward his truck.We were both silent on the way to the restaurant that had been our favorite as teens. I should have known that he would take me there. Back to where it all began. There was a part of me that was terrified that I was never going to be able to come back here again after this too-serious conversation that we were about to have.There was another part of me that soared with hope, wondering if this m
All Grown Up Missing Him
AudreyI shook my head. “It’s more complicated than that,” I sighed. “He just got mad because I didn’t tell him that I was pregnant until we were on the way to the hospital. I lied to him about why I was back here, and he can’t trust me anymore.” I bit my lip. “I deserve it, for waiting for the perfect time. I just didn’t think waiting was going to end up making things so terrible.”“Oh, Audrey,” Annabelle sighed, coming over to sit next to me on the bed and giving me a hug. I knew she was probably going to be running late for her shift, but she didn’t seem to care. She just wanted to make sure that I was all right. I nearly cried with how much I appreciated it.She noticed. “Are you crying?”I had to laugh. “Hormones,” I told her. “I’m pregnant, remember? My emotions are all over the place.”She shook her head and went to grab me a tissue from the box on the dresser. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’ll be mad at you forever,” she said. “You didn’t see him when you were in Paris
All Grown Up Baby On Board
AudreyI’d had a great day with Mom and Annabelle, cooing over all the adorable little things that we could buy for the baby in the local mall. I knew that they were really excited about the baby, but as much as I tried to match their enthusiasm, I still couldn’t help but feel upset and unsure. It would have been so much easier if I had known that Jesse and I were an item and that he was going to be there for me. For us.I still hadn’t heard from him, though, and now it had been nearly a week since he had found out about the fact that I was pregnant.It had been a long week. Other than that shopping trip, I had barely left the house. What was there to do? Anywhere that I went around town, there was a chance that I might run into Jesse. I didn’t want to admit that I was avoiding him, but the conversation that he and I needed to have wasn’t one that I really wanted to start in public where anyone could witness it.It was a small town. Soon enough, everyone was going to realize that I wa
All Grown Up Audrey
JesseI took a calming breath to steady myself. No. I at least knew Audrey well enough to know that she wouldn’t do something like that without at least telling me that was her plan. Even though I hadn’t reached out to her, she knew where to find me if she really needed to talk about something like that. She knew where I worked, and she knew where I lived.At least, I thought I knew Audrey well enough to trust in that. If not Audrey, though, I had a feeling I would have caught an earful from Annabelle if her sister was even considering that.“You’re sure it’s yours?” Joe asked.“Yeah,” I said. I grimaced. “I actually asked her if it was someone else’s and that was why she hadn’t told me about it. She got pretty upset that I had even dared to think that she might have been with someone else. I believe her.”Joe nodded, and I could tell he was thinking everything over.“Am I right to be angry with her?” I asked, when he didn’t say anything. “I mean, she flat-out lied to me. You were rig
All Grown Up Processing
JesseI knew that I should probably talk to Audrey. Not talking to her was driving me crazy. She had always been one of my best friends, and if there was anyone that I wanted to talk to, it was definitely her. I missed her. I wanted to know how she was handling all of this. I wanted to know what she was thinking.I wanted to make sure that she was following the doctor’s orders to rest and stay off her feet for a little bit, in case it was the stress that had caused that terrible cramping that she’d had the other night. It had been hard for Audrey to stay off her feet before when her ankle was injured, so I could only imagine how she was coping with it now.I hoped for the sake of the baby, our baby, that she was taking the doctor’s words seriously. I had a feeling she would be, though. Somehow, I knew that she was going to make an incredible mother. That little baby was lucky.It was one of the few things that I was sure of.The rest of it was all uncertainties, and that right there w
All Grown Up Stress
Audrey“Eleven weeks,” I said. “Annabelle and I went for the ultrasound on Friday.” I pulled out the picture to show her, and her face lit up.“Look at that little peanut of a thing,” she cooed. “He looks adorable.”“He?” I asked skeptically. “You can’t possibly tell that from the picture.”Mom tutted. “Let me have my dream,” she said. “It would be good to have a little man around the household again. Besides, look at the way he’s positioned. He must be a boy.”I tried not to laugh. “Maybe it’s a boy,” I said, glancing at Annabelle.“Audrey’s hoping it’s a girl so that she can teach her to be a ballerina,” Annabelle said.“The world could use more male ballerinas,” Mom said, winking at me. “I always wished that I would have a boy to balance out you girls.” She sounded wistful, and I suddenly realized that I had never known if two kids were all that she planned to have or if things just hadn’t worked out for more. It suddenly seemed like something that I should know.Mom was wrapped up
All Grown Up Telling Mom
AudreyI had barely left my bedroom for the rest of the weekend after Jesse dropped me off at home. I couldn’t help thinking of the terrible things that he had said to me out in the driveway. I couldn’t help thinking of how much I deserved for him to say those things and more to me.I had fucked up. I knew that now. No, I had known that all along. I knew that I should tell him about the baby. All the reasons not to tell him seemed so stupid now. I couldn’t even think how to apologize to him, in fact, that’s how stupid all the reasons sounded in my head.Not that I was going to get a chance to apologize to him. I had given him his space on Saturday. He wanted time to cool off and process things, and I would give that to him. Sunday, I hadn’t been able to stop myself from texting him, though. I understood if he wasn’t ready to talk yet, but I just wanted to know when he might be ready to talk. The uncertainty was killing me.He hadn’t responded. Suddenly, I felt panic go through me, eve
