Chapter 5.

CHAPTER 5

Joel refused to believe that the woman sitting down had tried all she could to save his brother. She was here because of guilt, nothing more.

The Johnny he knew would have fought hard to stay alive but he also knew that the amount of people they must have treated everyday would be more than the nurses and doctors could handle. She would have taken one look at his brother, looked at other patients around and left him there.

The only thing he could not answer was why she wanted him to believe so bad. Well, he would not. He would not believe her lies or allow his parents to believe the same thing too.

“What is your qualification?” he asked her. She must have been a novice without any experience except from the ones she learnt during the war. Maybe she had given Johnny the wrong vaccine.

“Excuse me?” Mary asked him.

“What is your qualification? Your level of experience? Did you go to any medical school? Where did you get your degree from?” Joel asked again.

“Why is it important?” Mary asked, hands outstretched.

“Because you look like someone who took one look at the nursing squad and figured she could just walk in and do anything she wanted! What were you before the war? A school teacher? Someone without a job? Or did you find a temporary job at the grocery store? I bet you did not have a purpose at that time and thought that if you took up a job working in the war, helping people, it would give you some sense of direction and purpose. But did you stop to think that you would meet people who needed more than just your nonexistent skills?” Joel was outraged.

Mary stared at him in shock, her mouth open and no words coming out.

“I know your type. It doesn’t matter if it’s here or in England. When I was in the university, I had course mates. People with no business being in the medical field. People that should have never thought about even applying to the school. I wonder why they even decided to try because everything they did made every situation go from either good to bad or bad to worse. But they stayed on, and you know why? Because they felt if they stayed long enough, they would find themselves.

But how could they have found themselves in a place they did not clearly belong? Why, did you go to work in the war when you could have stayed with your family? Did you give my brother the wrong vaccine because you thought it would help?”

“Joel!” his mother exclaimed.

“I do not judge your choice,” Joel continued, clearly ignoring his mother. “The war clearly needed more volunteers- I assume. But if you had more experience, better skills, a firm grip of what you wanted to do, you would have saved Johnny’s life. He would not have died for nothing the way he did, under your watch.”

“Joel. Leave this place now. You have said enough. Look at your mother!” his father said.

Joel looked at his mother and saw that she was holding the letter in her hands and shaking terribly.

“Dad, I don’t want this woman-

“First off,” Mary stood up ,” I’m not just this woman. You should know my name. It’s Mary. Also, everything you just said is not true. Not one thing is true. All you did was assume. Assumed you know me so well, that you know my past and you know why I decided to go work in the war. But, you don’t. You do not know the first thing about me, Joel.

I went to a medical school and I’m not sorry if it was not as fancy as yours,”  At Joel’s attempt to speak, she raised up her hand,” Johnny told me everything about your university. A fancy one in England where they teach you things we don’t know. But, I know a lot and I know better than anyone else. I did not go to work in the war because I did not have a sense of fulfillment or that I needed something to give me that sense of fulfillment. I was working in a clinic before the war started. I also left my family behind even though they needed me- you should know that. So, if I were you, I would think about the family I still have left. I went to work in the war because I knew that the volunteers they had would have little or no experience. I went there because I wanted the casualties to be less, to give the soldiers a higher chance of staying alive,” Mary explained.

“When I say I did everything for Johnny, I don’t care if you believe me or not. I have worked in medical centers, hospitals and I have seen cases like your brother’s several times. But, I have a question to ask you. When last did you write to him? When last did you write to check on how he was? You heard that the war was terrible and yet you did not write to check on his welfare? Did it not occur to you that he must have needed that? Some sort of support from the brother he clearly looked up to? That one letter could have made a difference?” Mary asked.

“He was in the war. My letters would have never gotten to him. I knew I was going to see him after everything was over.” Joel replied.

“Then we are talking about the same thing aren’t we? Only, I knew what I was doing and tried my best to do that and more. You could have tried harder to get a letter through to him. I sincerely think you should not accuse me of not having the right expertise to treat your brother if you had not been in the war yourself,”

Joel stared at Mary hard, her words hitting him deeper than expected. He had accused her, because he needed someone to blame, for his brother’s death. He did not want to believe that his brother had just given up and died. He wanted to hang to the memories he had of his brother still alive, the two of them bickering or agreeing on several issues. He wanted to remember his brother as the strong person who had so much light in his eyes, who would not back down from a challenge and who always wanted to do what was noble.

His brother had always been the strong one even though Joel was clearly that elder sibling. When they were little and the two of them had caught the pox, his brother had dealt with a raging fever while battling the skin disease. He had come close to dying but had not given up. Joel remembered his brother stretching out his across the expanse of the twin beds to hold Joel’s, whispering that everything would be fine.

Joel has recovered early while his brother had gotten even sicker and he had gone to meet Jonny each night, scared that he would die if he left him alone. But Johnny had been so sure, even as a little kid, that he would get well. And he had, he had recovered. That was the Jonny he knew, the one who would not give up no matter what. So, he did not want to believe that after all his younger brother had been through he would die from an infection, and not when this woman- Mary, repeated severally that she had done everything she could to help him. If every avenue had been exhausted, then why did it happen? Why couldn’t Johnny still be alive? Come back from the war like every one else?

Suddenly, Joel could not stay in the living room. It felt as if his own thoughts were choking him and he needed to escape, to think without the rest of them- Mary, his mom and dad staring at him like he had gone unhinged.

“I have to go out. I’ll be back later,” he announced.

“Where are you off to? You just arrived, Joel. Besides, your brother wrote this letter for everyone to read. You should at least hear what he has to say,” his mother said.

“Later,” Joel said and left without another word.

Outside, Joel let out a painful sigh. Just this morning, he had walked down from the ship with hopes and a smile on his face. Granted, the smile had faded when he saw the sights on the streets, and the state of his town. It had even gotten worse as he realized that there were so many people who needed help but no one was available to help them. But, what he had not expected was that he would hear of his brother’s death. It was like he had built a bridge, and in one swift motion, the bridge had come crashing down.