I cried halfway back to the ranch. Over the horizon, the sun was coming up… but I felt like everything was darker and more depressing than when we first drove to the jail. In fact, it was the worst I’d felt since those first few days after Vegas.As he drove, Ryan opened up the center console between our seats and fished out a small package of tissues. I took them gratefully.“Thank you.”Ryan grimaced. “I’m sorry about back there. If I’d known that would happen, I would never have taken you.”I wondered: if I’d known Derek would act like that and say those things, would I have still gone?It was like an electric jolt when the answer hit me:No. I’m through with him being a dick to me.With that, I finally got a hold of myself. Derek had proven himself to be an absolute asshole; he didn’t deserve a single one of my tears.“Why is he like that?!” I wondered aloud, my nose stuffy, my voice thick from crying.Ryan thought about it for a second, then said, “I think he basically sees it a
If Derek had wanted to sabotage any chance of a romance with Ryan, he’d done a masterful job at it. I became obsessed with reading about him. Like a seven-year-old probing a sore tooth about to fall out, or a scabbed-over mosquito bite you just have to keep itching, I couldn’t stop myself. Every morning I got up and checked the website for whatever sleazy exploits he’d done the night before.I hated him for what he was doing. More than that, I hated myself for giving in and reading about it. I saw how pathetic and weak I was being, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop reading about it, couldn’t stop the anger, couldn’t stop the jealousy, couldn’t stop the anxiety and depression and self-loathing.Why couldn’t I get over him?It was like being addicted to some horrific drug, but one that doesn’t bring any pleasure, only pain. I guess I needed a hit to keep me connected to whatever emotions and experiences I’d had weeks ago when times were good. Except now it was just torture.Worst of
Ryan’s speech over the phone blew me away. The way he fought for me – the way he chewed Derek out – I have to admit, it stirred something inside me.And his actions afterward – walking away from me rather than giving in and being all aw, shucks – caused me to stand up and take notice, too.Of course, all this was kind of percolating in the background. I wouldn’t actually recognize it for what it was until several days later – partly because there was more drama in Derekland.On Monday morning, TMZ reported the words that should have filled me with gladness. Instead it just made me sad that it had taken almost losing his life before he stopped his destructive downward spiral:DEREK KANE ENTERS REHABDerek Kane, lead singer of Bigger, is reported to be entering rehab at the insistence of his band’s manager. After an epic two weeks of partying, Kane was in a car wreck last Saturday morning. He walked away from it without a scratch, but was charged with DUI. He reportedly had a blood al
It took us nearly 30 minutes to get down to flat land again. He carried me the entire way, never complaining, never faltering. Over and over I tried to get him to let me walk, but he wouldn’t hear of it.“I hear cougars know when their prey is wounded,” he whispered to me. “They can tell if it’s hopping that it’s easy pickings.”I stared at him in fear. “Really?”“Yeah. Things that hop in the wild? They go after those first. Wounded deer… rabbits… frogs…”I watched him, fear and adrenalin coursing through my body… until I saw the corner of his mouth turn up the slightest.“You’re just saying that!” I hissed, and slapped his shoulder again.He burst out into a grin. “Regardless, I think I should carry you.”“Why?!”“Because I’m enjoying it.”…oh.After that, I didn’t complain any more.I began to relax once we’d made it to level ground, and the probability of ‘death by giant cat’ began to diminish.“We’re probably safe now,” I said. “You can put me down.”“We’ll go a lot faster if you
After he got rid of the condom, we lay next to each other for the longest time, talking and softly touching each other’s bodies. His fingers trailed down my arm, always returning to my breasts, softly brushing my nipples with the tips of his fingers. I was fascinated with the pronounced edges of his lower abs. I kept tracing up them to his lean stomach, then back down, detouring to stroke the damp thatch of curls at the base of his cock.“Are you okay?” he asked.I knew what he was asking.He was asking about me and Derek.“Yeah… I am,” I said, and it was true. I felt no remorse, no guilt, no shame… just a calm peacefulness.“I’ve been wanting to do that for four years,” he said.I smiled at him. “I’m glad we finally got to.”“Me, too.” He kissed me softly.When he pulled away, I looked at him. “It’s been a long time for you, hasn’t it?”“Four years is pretty long, yeah.”“No, I meant… the last person you were with was your ex… and then you broke up a month before I showed up… and th
He began to stroke my clit – just little up-down movements, probably no more than a centimeter in length, and no firmer than if you were softly caressing your eyelid.But Jesus it felt good.He stayed right on one spot. Not all over my clit, like I was used to with guys – if they could even find it at all. But one teeny, tiny spot on the upper left.His touch was electric. Literally, that’s what it felt like: an electric current running from the tip of his finger to that tiny spot on my clit – but an electric current made of sugar and honey and sex.A quiet moan escaped my lips.Soft, rolling, sweet contractions began in my pussy. Little flutters at first… not a hard, intense orgasm, just gentle pulses. They started in waves… intensifying the slightest bit, then easing off… the pleasure getting higher… and the contractions starting all over again, just a little more intense. Another 30 seconds of that, then receding… then starting all over again, but higher, more pleasurable, sweeter…
He put his finger back on the spot, and I felt the ahhhhh of that instantaneous electrical sweetness. Then he began to stroke, which sent me off into another whirlwind of ecstasy.But this time, instead of using the tip of his thumb, he slid all of it inside me. Not only was I getting more sensation, and the feeling of being slightly more filled up – but he began putting pressure against my inside wall, gently massaging towards the left.Sweet baby Jeebus.That pressure, against that place inside me, wasn’t something I normally felt. The novelty and pleasure of it – combined with being on the orgasm rollercoaster again – made me let out a strangled moan.Then he began moving his thumb, putting more pressure in other places… like down, towards my ass, softly stroking me inside.I could feel my pussy grasping him tighter, and I wished I was feeling his gorgeous, thick cock completely filling me up. That thought sent me into another series of crazy contractions.Suddenly, the pressure sl
So began a period of utter happiness and domestic bliss.Our mornings were leisurely and spent doing naughty things between the sheets. Breakfast in bed or naked in the kitchen, it didn’t matter – there was a fair amount of both. We took horseback rides in the afternoons. I refused to go back into the hills for several days after the cougar, but Ryan offered to take along a rifle. After making him prove his marksmanship against a dozen tin cans lined up on a pine fence, I finally consented… and we never saw hide nor hair of the mountain lion again. Ryan joked that it was a variation on the ‘if you have an umbrella with you, it never rains’ law. So I made sure we never left home without an ‘umbrella.’There were also occasional trips into town, but the rest of the time I spent working my way through the library of paperbacks while Ryan did his thing in the studio. I would occasionally surprise him by walking in completely naked. He didn’t get much work done on those afternoons.Evenin