Eve Chapter 3

The train couldn't get there fast enough as I dashed up the stairs and to my building. My mind was racing a thousand miles a minute. I was ready to curse Tammy out. She played me. She knew how I felt, and she went behind my back after him anyway.

I wrestle with my keys trying to get them in the door. I took the elevator to my floor and raced to my apartment door. I flung the door opened and busted through it, slamming it behind me. I didn't want to be bothered I just wanted to cry. I dropped everything at the door, kicked my shoes off and ran to my room. I fell across the bed and bawled like a baby. He was supposed to be my future... my forever. She had no right. “She had no right”, I screamed into my pillow. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I never cried over a man before. This was crazy but my feelings were hurt. And it wasn't about Mr. Black… stupid Black. It was about Tammy and how she betrayed my trust. It was as if my feelings didn’t matter, like she didn't know 

he was off limits. There's a friend code, anyone that your friend is interested in should be off-limits. Why doesn't she know that? She probably does she is just so selfish, all she cared about is herself. She just had to have him, she just had to. “Uuugghhh”…I screamed into pillow as I punched the bed, wanting it to be her face. She needs to see me, to feel exactly what I am feeling she needs to catch these hands. 

After bawling my eyes out for about 15 minutes, I took a deep breath and sat up. Reality had officially kicked in. He is not my man; he doesn't even know me. He probably wasn't interested in me in the first place, look at me. I'm not the flashy type. I am not someone’s trophy wife. I mean I'm not ugly by a long shot, but Tammy, she's the party animal. Glitzy, glamourous, weave all down her back. He found her attractive that's what he wants. He is more than welcome to her. I don't need that kind of guy anyway; powerful, dominating, probably uses people and throws them away like his money whenever he’s finished. Oh, no thank you.

Happily convincing myself that was the answer, I wiped away the little bit of tears left on my cheeks. I stretched my arms out and got up to clean the mess I left in the living room. Forget Mr. Black and Tammy I was better off without the both of them. Walking back into the living room, I shook my head at the mess on my floor. Reflecting on the little tantrum I just had, I now felt stupid as I picked up my life off the floor. I hit the button on my stereo remote, pour a glass of wine, and regain myself.

As the music played, I drowned out everything and sang along with Toni "You really don't have to lie...be a feeakin' man! Toni, you tell 'em!” I yelled in-between lines. I had been taken through the motions in that little bit of time, with no real reason. He didn’t belong to me, hell he didn’t even know me. But being in his arms that short time, I had staked claim on him…how stupid!

I woke up on the couch, scrambling around because I had totally lost track of time. It was 7am but the sun wasn’t up yet, so I didn’t know of it was AM or PM. My alarm was going off, settling me because I now knew it was morning, thank you Lord. I stretched, took a deep breath, and swung my legs off the couch to get up. I felt better, and was ready to face the day, whatever it brought.

I had nothing to say to Tammy. I wasn’t mad anymore, just not interested in continuing a friendship with her. I needed my job, so I would just distance myself, so she didn’t get the business owed to her. I also had no interest inseeing him either. I hadn’t seen him before yesterday and I would love for it to go back to that. I wasn’t having lunch in the café, or anywhere close to the building today. I needed to get through today and they would be out of my hair for the weekend. Come Monday, they would be out of my system. They needed to know today wasn’t that day. 

I jumped in the shower, did my hair, and headed out. I decided to take my bike today because the cool morning air would do me good. Riding down the busy city streets, the noise and movement of the people made me smile. There were far too many blessings to be stressed about anything. Smiling to myself, I made my way to Pop's for my morning fix. 

After my cheering session, and my breakfast, I was feeling back to myself. I was ready to see Tammy, although awkward, it wouldn’t be so bad now. I would even be okay with seeing the infamous Mr. Black if that happened. They were no longer a concern or issue for me.

Mr. Johnson did his job as usual. I am certain he didn’t know it, but he gave me the confidence to walk with my head held high. I walked in and stood at the elevator as usual. Last night played in my head and I felt more stupid about the way I acted. It was in private, but I still let myself down, because I was better than that. The sound of the elevator opening gave me butterflies for a second because I thought he was going to get off of it for some reason. Thank God he didn’t, but that just told me I was faking myself out. I wasn’t ready, but it was too late. I was in it now.

I felt anxious because I could feel him, although he wasn’t there…until I turned to see him getting off the elevator across from me. We made eye contact and he stood there staring at me until the doors shut. My heart fluttered and I don’t think I was breathing until the doors  opened on my floor.

I walked, in a daze, to my desk. I was unsure why he was standing there. I was unsure why he stayed staring at me. I was unsure of whether I was a reflection of what I saw staring back at me. I was also wondering if he watched what floor the elevator went to, since I was on it alone this morning. I shook my head as I sat down, I may have taken it too far with that one. But he was looking at me like he needed to say something. I was confused about this whole thing and right back to square one. I put my head in my hands, not liking this feeling at all. I was now scared every time the elevator doors chimed. I couldn’t be stuck looking into his face in this small space. I wasn’t ready, Lord why didn’t I stay home! I said to myself trying to gather whatever was left of my senses.

I looked up to see Tammy standing at my desk. It was too much. I got up and walked right past her, heading for the restrooms. I needed to clear my head. Running water on my face, I thought of what I wanted to say to her. I wanted to let her have it, but this wasn’t the time or place. I needed her to go back to her cubical and leave me alone. Of course, she wouldn’t, she wasn’t the type. She needed to be heard, and she wouldn’t stop until she got it out. So, I took a deep breath and prepared for the mess. I wasn’t ever scared of confrontation or telling someone exactly how I felt. I know she better had come correct or it would be a problem. Jesus wasn’t no punk, and neither was I.

As expected, she was leaning against my desk when I returned. “Yes Tammy, what can I do for you?” I tried to keep it professional. “You can let me explain.” “There is nothing to explain. What you do is none of my business. You don’t owe me nothing. Now if you will excuse me, I have work to do.” “But…” she started, and I shut her down. “I don’t care, please leave.” She stood there with her mouth opened. She was  offended. Good, I didn’t care. She turned on her heels and stormed off. I felt a bit better. I didn’t get it off the way I wanted to, but I got it off. At least she knew where I stood. I wouldn’t have to deal with her for the rest of the day.

I had lunch in the park, by myself. I didn’t want to be anywhere near either of them. No more on purpose or accidental run ins needed today. I just wanted to sit in peace and not have to worry about anything. I was quickly planning a way to get out early. I needed this weekend to begin. My friends would be the perfect distraction from all of this mess, especially Stu. He had a way of making everything alright. I finished up and headed back in to let Mrs. Schaeffer know I would be leaving early. She didn’t have a problem with it, so I wrapped up and headed out. 

I got home and felt a weight lifted off of me. I felt free to just be me. I turned on my music and danced out of my work clothes. I didn’t want anything about that building near me right now. Shedding those clothes felt like shedding them. I jumped in the shower and put on some sleep pants and a t- shirt. I had plenty of time before my date with Stu, so I lounged.

Janet came over for a bit and I told her what happened. This was the first time I talked to anyone about it. “She knew. We all know. There is a code, period. You don’t do that to your friend. I don’t care what happened, she knew. I don’t believe in violence, but there are exceptions to every rule.” She said with so much conviction I had to laugh. Janet was the sweetest soul I had ever met, so for her to be talking like this tickled me. It also made me regret not letting Tammy have it. Then her words cut like a knife when I realized, there was indeed exceptions to every rule. This may have been one of those times.

What if her putting it out into the universe before  I did make him hers? I sipped my wine, feeling defeated and sorry. Who was I to be mad because God gave her what I had been afraid to ask for? “What?” Janet asked at the concerned look on my face. “Nothing, just thinking. She said something to me in the café after the whole run-in thing. I think she was right.” “Right about what?” “That she put him as hers out to the atmosphere, and she got him." Janet got up to get a new bottle of wine, because we had finished the first one. It was only a little in it anyway. “Look, I believe in the powers that be.” She spoke from the kitchen. “I also believe in putting it out and it coming back how you speak it. I am also that friend who has to give it to you straight. So, what if it is? Stu is a good catch. We all like him and he fits. How would Mr. Black fit into our world? He would probably not like us, because we are not all bougie. We eat with our fingers, pizza more than any normal person probably should. We don’t have butlers and chauffeurs. It would be awkward. Would you really want to be with someone who didn’t fit into your world? Would you want to compromise yourself to be in his world?” I looked up at her as she went on. She was touching on things I hadn’t even thought about. “I mean think about it.” She said as she sat back down. “You would have to be dressed up all the time. No hanging out in your pjs, you would have to be perfect looking all the time. Ugh, I am tired just thinking about it. Makeup all the time, weaves, heels, lawd. She may have done you a favor.”

We toasted as the idea of it all was making me tired too. “You are absolutely right. Thank you, girl.” We hugged and I was grateful for Janet more in that moment than ever. “I am going to get a quick nap in before my date. I will talk to you later.” “No thanks needed; you know I got you. I could use one too. Enjoy your date.” I walked her to the door and took it down for a much-needed nap.