Can't Live Without Her

Harry

“You get Winnie off to school okay?” Yara asked me.

I nodded. “Just about. It was kind of a rush.”

Yara had been so helpful with me since I had taken in my niece. We’d become fast friends in the time that we had worked together, and she would never know how grateful I was that she had stepped up to help me parent when I had least expected to become one.

“You picking her up after school today?” she asked, tucking a strand of her cropped brown hair behind her ear. She was wearing the same pair of sensible silver studs in her ears that she always wore, and they caught the light.

“Yeah, no meetings on a Monday, remember?” I said. I had put the rule in place when I realized that I was leaving other people to take care of Winnie for me most afternoons. I wanted there to be at least one day a week that I actually got to spend time with her properly, even if I knew she was going to twist my arm to get something everyone else wasn’t enough of a soft touch to hand over to her.

“Of course, of course, right.” She checked her schedule. “For you maybe, but we aren’t all so lucky.”

“Well, all you have to do is get born into a family that owns the company, and then you can make your own rules,” I said, teasing her lightly. She raised her eyebrows at me.

“Hey, you’re getting dangerously close to letting me hate on you right now,” she warned me. “I’ll catch you for coffee at eleven or so, okay?”

“Please make sure I’m out of here by two-thirty at the latest,” I said.

She nodded, offering me a little salute. “Anything you say, boss.”

And with that, she was off, leaving me to answer all the emails that had accumulated over the weekend. I had started taking that time away from work so I wasn’t hanging on my phone constantly and was actually doing something constructive with Winnie, but it meant that I had at least fifty to get back to by the time I arrived back at my desk.

It was good to keep my mind busy, though, because it was far too easy to get caught up in what was going on in there when I was at rest. It was even harder when I was around Winnie all the time. She was only nine years old, and yet, I felt like she had been through so very much that it sometimes hurt to think about all the pain that she had suffered.

I wondered how she coped sometimes. I struggled enough without my sister, Theresa, Winnie’s mother. About a year ago, she’d died in a car accident—quick, fatal, no room for argument. Everything in my life had flipped into flux in that instant. Nothing could stay the same, not when the person who had done so much to keep it that way was just gone. She had always been the person I’d looked to for support and advice when I felt like I couldn’t keep my shit together, and now I had to step up and take care of her daughter. It was what she had wanted. I had known that for a long time, sure, but the truth was I hadn’t actually imagined that I would ever have to come through and actually do it. I didn’t think I could be a father, not really. But it turned out that when you had no choice, it was amazing what you could achieve. The things that you could do. The places that you could take yourself.

I met Yara for our usual coffee, and we talked about what had happened over the weekend—Yara still went out and partied every now and then, and I listened to her stories of hitting the town with some nostalgia. I had used to be able to do that whenever I wanted. Parenting was fulfilling in a whole different way, of course, but that didn’t mean I didn’t find myself missing it once in a while.

When two-thirty came around, I shut off my computer and drove across town to pick Winnie up from school. She was just approaching the gate when I got there, and I pushed open the door and let her roll across the seat toward me.

“Seatbelt,” I reminded her, and she clipped herself in. She clasped her little bag to her chest and looked at me, eyebrows raised.

“Did you think about the ice cream?” she asked.

I laughed at her. She could be so stubborn when she wanted to be. And I just didn’t have it in me to say no.

“All right, just one scoop,” I replied, though I knew that she would basically be having two—one of hers and then a bunch of mine because I never had much appetite at this time in the afternoon. Besides, now that I had less time to hit the gym, I had to be more careful about what I ate so that I didn’t get that notorious dad body.

“Yay!” She clapped her hands together, and I reached over to give her a hug. I just couldn’t say no to her. I didn’t want to, not after everything that she had been through already. She deserved the best life that she could have, and I was always going to go out of my way to provide it to her.

We pulled away from the school, and rain started to patter on the window. I didn’t mind. I could handle a little gloominess because all the sunshine I needed was right there in the seat beside me.