Chapter 83I remember my first kill.I thought he'd never die.There I was, holding tightly onto his neck and squeezing for dear life, my own life flashing before my face if I so much as removed a finger from his neck.It was gruesome.Many people think there's no difference between killing someone with an object and doing it with your bare hands. There's a grave difference, I tell you. With an object, it's impersonal and it feels like you're on the other side looking in on someone else doing it but using your hands - now - that's fucking personal.That's what happened when I had to kill someone to stay alive. I can't joke and say it was an order when in fact it wasn't. I was fighting for my life. It was either kill or be killed. What made it worse was that I had to snuff the life out of someone and I did it, without any qualms, or so I thought, until it was all over, until I saw blood everywhere, until I th
Chapter 84As I steer awake, I feel a heavy weight, like a log, pressing my stomach. My head feels like it's going to blow because there's a hammering inside it that's refusing to abate.What happened to me?Why do I feel this way?I force my eyes to open and they do so unwillingly. Everywhere looks dim and I can't recognize my surroundings until I blink, clearing the fog from my eyes. My eyes land on an indiscernible shape on the bed beside me and I trace my eyes across the shirtless body and onto a hand that's curved around my bulging stomach.I'm pregnant?I blink, and then blink several more times before everything comes crashing back into my mind.Leonard.I killed him. . .Tacky-blonde cop.I killed her too.My heart slams inside my rib cage as the realization crashes into me.I killed two people.I gasp and try to sit up, but the hand - Ash's hand - is heavy on me, stopping me from moving. I shake my head
Chapter 85Someone once said that in life, you can make your own rules.That's exactly what I did.Instead of just making the event a baby shower only, Clarissa and I decided to change the rules and include a baby gender reveal as well. That meant Ash would be in attendance with a few of his friends, assuming he had any.As I walk in the garden, admiring the blue and pink garlands and balloon decorations, I can't wait to see him. He traveled for a week to New York to oversee the reinstatement of a new manager at his club, seeing as Leonard was no more, and also take the opportunity to attend to other businesses.I paste a smile on my face as I take in the array of pastries on the wide table. My hand itches to take one or two, but I hold myself back and keep on walking past them. Everywhere I turn, decorations abound and this makes me smile. Even Lily seems excited about it all as she's been kicking nonstop."S
Chapter 86I grab fistfuls of the twelve thousand dollars Louis Vuitton dress Ash bought for this day and drag. The sound of it tearing makes me shiver with satisfaction as it rips from top to bottom. It's a slip of a thing, not even worth the amount it was paid for. I look down in disdain as it pools at my feet.Unfortunately, my satisfaction is short-lived.My chest is still on fire with shock, that damn tightness sat constricting my lungs to the point I almost can't breathe and have to drag short gulps of air in through my mouth.How will you feel if your fiancée didn't show up on the day of your engagement party?Yup! That's exactly what happened to me.Twelve hours earlierThe day dawns bright and clear. It's so bright, shards of sunlight peek into the room through the floor-to-ceiling length curtains, piercing my eyes in its brightness. I roll to the other side, noting the warmth and dent on it. Ash must
Chapter 87It's said that as time goes by, the pain of a broken heart reduces.Well. . . that's a bloody lie if I ever heard any. This pain sitting pretty like a gigantic log of wood on my chest never goes, never really leaves. Oh, it fades alright, it fades when I'm working and keeping busy, but then when I'm alone, it slams back into me with a bang. Worse still when I look into her face, it's like staring at another treacherous face."She's sooo cute. Look at those chubby cheeks and those dimples, oh my. She's going to break many hearts when she grows up, I guarantee it."I stare at Clarissa's mum and sigh, because what can I say? It's the truth. Lily is a beautiful child that brings me so much joy with her delightful chuckles and joyful personality, but staring at her every day gives me a pleasure-pain kind of feeling.I look at her dark hair which is in the exact shade as mine, quite alright, but when I st
Chapter 88After calling Dan and telling him I would be available for dinner at 7 pm, I slump into my chair, emotionally exhausted even though the day has barely begun. I try to dive into work, I really do try but it looks like the white roses, which seem to mock me from their perch on my table, are a constant clear reminder of my recent past.When I realize I can't take it anymore, I fling the vase at the door and watch as the flowers scatter onto the floor and the vase makes an ear-shattering noise as it splinters into many pieces. Luckily, it's lunch break and no one is around so I'm in the clear for the meantime to vent. It seems my chest has been torn open and there's this great chasm that needs to be filled.I shake my head and grip my hair in my two hands, despair filling me with anguish. My soul which had been full to the brim a year ago, screams with emptiness. I feel like a walking dead because I'm so
Chapter 89I met Dan on one of those nights when I wandered the streets of Clarissa's parent's neighborhood. I had just been discharged from the hospital with my daughter and could not stand to be near her at that time because she reminded me so much of her father.If I'm to be honest, she still does but I have come to terms with my fate and realize that anytime I look at her, she isn't just a part of him but of me as well, and can not be blamed for her father's behavior. I would wander the streets aimlessly until I walked into a park. I remember sitting on a seat and staring aimlessly at the children who played on the swings.I always got glared at by their mothers but I was too out of it to even realize at that time. A man walked up to me and politely asked if he could sit beside me. I'd said nothing at that time because I just wanted to be left alone. That man was Dan. He sat down anyway and introduced himse
Chapter 90The feeling of being in Dan's arms is bringing back dêjãvū and that puts a bad taste in my mouth. After eating - rather, forcing him to eat, he swept me into his arms and onto the dance floor and I had to painfully go through the memories of another time with Ash.I can't do it anymore."I'm tired, Dan." I grimace as his hand tightens around my waist but I release a sigh of relief when it loosens and he steps back with a jerky nod."You're right, I'm sorry. I'll take you home now.""No!" My voice comes out loud, so I paste a smile on my face hoping it looks comfortable, and shake my head. "No, please." I shrug. "The night is still young, and. . .""What are you saying?" I watch with a sinking heart as hope flares to life in his eyes. I'm not tired of being with Dan, but he shouldn't look like I'm the next best thing after God.What have I gotten myself into? Unfortunately for me, I can't stop now. "I