[4] LOVE?

It had been three hours.

Three long excruciating hours since Dayo was hauled away in a body bag, sincerely, I had hoped this was a dream, that I would wake up and it wasn't real, but the more time passed by, I realized;

This madness was real.

Dayo was dead and I killed him.

I was sat beside Bola in the hospital. She had mustered the courage to call the cops and that was how they found me. Typical Bola — Putting herself in constant danger to save me.

      Bola Hampton was a character, she was loving, kind, sassy, and had this first impression that screamed "don't mess with me"

        I recall carefully, the day I met her, I was in my first year at university, and she was in her second. She had defended me from some boys who were harassing me, Bola was no ordinary girl, she was a bundle of power, intelligence and creativity tied with a ribbon of genuine love. 

That was five years ago.

This is now, because of me, that bundle of joy was laying on a bed — fighting for her life. The bullet hit her lower abdomen and not her leg as I assumed.

"W-why are you crying?" A tiny hoarse voice spoke up. It took me a few minutes to register whose voice it was, before my eyes landed on her. "Bola..." I said as I stood up and held her hand, "I was so worried, I thought, I thought you had-"

She chuckled sadly before speaking;

"Exaggerate much yeah? Besides, I'm not the one who had a gun aimed at her head, so I'll be fine"

"What about Dayo? I hope he rots-"

"He's dead." I responded sharply.  She looked at me in shock.

"...and I killed him" Silence hovered for a while.

“Aramide you—"

"Why..why do you constantly put your life in danger for me?" I dared to ask, completely shutting off her consolation speech before she began.

"Because three years ago, a certain girl let herself get rapped in my place, she took my spot and endured my pain" she whispered as her hands reached out to my face "That night, Aramide. That night, you not only saved me, you protected me, you put your life in danger, and I will never be able to return that favor, the least-" she coughed and I passed her a glass of water.

Bola took a sip before putting it down.

"The least I can do is love you as much as I can, as could never do my little sister," tears poured down my eyes.

Aria was Bola's younger sister, she died at the age of 17, she committed suicide After she had been assaulted.

Silence hovered around us for a while

"I saw her...." She whispered "My Aria, she, she is sad, she wanted to come back"

"Suicide is a one-way ticket, just like murder. And in life, there's no fast forward, rewind or replay, you either do, or you don't" I said as I kissed her hair and began walking away "Where are you going?" She asked staring at me.

"I don't know, I just... I need some time alone, to think" I said as I began to walk away. While trying to escape one dilemma, that day, I would walk right into another. One way worse than I could ever imagine.

*************

     A lot had happened, A tear slid down my eyes as I continued walking down the highway. For some reason no cars were speeding by, just peace — Exactly what I needed.

      The moon selflessly illuminated the sky. I let out a small smile as I ran my hands through my hair. Something I only did when I was nervous, confused, or frustrated.

      I left Lagos to run away from my past, and it just followed me here, where's the logic in that?

FLASHBACK 

"My princess?" Mrs adegoke squealed as her daughter arrived from school, her smile turned upside down when she saw the frown on her daughter's face.

"Mom, what's more important, having your life go as planned, or just going with the flow?" Mrs. Adegoke smiled at her daughter.

"Sometimes, it's better to sit back and relax, because too much detail, can ruin an art"

END OF FLASHBACK

         I was too engrossed in my thoughts, and a car came speeding directly at me, I closed my eyes and waited for an impact. But all I felt were strong arms envelop me and a loud thud. I opened my eyes to see familiar blue orbs staring back at me.

Oh, My life was a mess.

“Sir?” I whispered as I locked eyes with the person in front of me. I quickly got up and arranged my clothes.

What was he doing here?

"Are you okay?” He whispered as he got up too. “wait. I know you— Ar, Are—”

“Aramide. I'm an applicant in your company, Damsel diva's.” I said as I began to walk away.

“We didn't finish our conversation before you left” He started. This was not the drama I needed.

“Look," I began. “I know you said you wanted us to talk longer and that you wanted to help me, but I just wanna be alone okay?” I said deciding to shut him off before he began. I was not open to meeting new people. Not now, not ever. With that in mind, I proceeded to walk away.

“Bola, Bola called me” He suddenly said. “I'm sorry about what happened.”

”You know Bola?” I asked shocked.

“Yeah, she's my childhood friend. Small world," He confessed.  “When she said her friend was in trouble, I had no clue it was you, she asked me to help you out, and Aramide, I just want to help.”

"I am not a child, I want to be alone, thanks anyway" I politely declined.

"Wait. I can't just leave you alone! it's almost midnight and it's not safe" I chuckled at that.

     Those foreign words to me, life stole my safety from me when my mother's hand slipped from mine, life stole my peace, when my uncle, flesh and blood, raped me. 

"I'll be fine" I whispered as I continued walking. He joined me in my mini walk.

it seemed like it would rain soon, the sky was as heavy as my heart. I had so many emotions threatening to spill and so much built in pain and anger that I desperately wanted to let out, Dayo was dead. I had no clue how to feel.

Do I feel relief that he is gone? Or grief that I will have to live with the weight of being his murderer for the rest of my life?

I stopped at the bridge, I admired the water below, no I envied it, it was still and strong, everything my life wasn't.

How pathetic.

My hands traced my neck, my necklace. My mother's necklace.

Had I lost it?

Before I could finish panicking, Mr. Cole Silva, who was my boss, and now my guard, handed me a familiar necklace.

"How did you-"

"it loosened when you fell" he replied, silence loomed for a while, both of us just staring at the water, me trying to find peace, him, I really couldn't tell.

"Aramide," He spoke, looking into my eyes.

"do you believe in love at first sight"

"I don't believe in anything" I answered absentmindedly.

"I never did," He said. He was wearing a brown tuxedo. His hair was styled into a fringe and he stared intently at me. "...till I met you" Silence slapped me and I looked away. Before erupting into a ball of laughter, 

"You can't love me. You shouldn't love me,"

"Why do you-"

"How can you love someone you know nothing about, all you know is what is on my documents on my CV, you have no clue," I said looking away.

“You can't just fall in love with someone in leas than twenty four hours, that is not how life works!”

“life has never had a layout of how it works, we just live. We live in moments — moments like these, there is nothing like certainty or practicality because anything — absolutely anything can change in a moment.” He said as he looked into my eyes. “If the world could end in one moment, then why can't I fall in love in less than twenty four hours"

“You are insane" I breathed.

“You're the only reason for my insanity, I can't think straight anymore Are- ar"

I stared at him for a while before I chuckled, then I stopped and stared at him and chuckled again, “What did you just call me?" I asked as I stared at him in amusement.

"Well, that isn't important. It's not relevant." He dismissed and I watched his cheeks flush.

"You claim to love me, yet you can't really pronounce my name that well"

“I can pronounce your name," He defended. “I have been pronouncing and saying it for a while now, I- I wonder what went wrong” He said flustered.

“Mr Dante,"  His last name rolled out of my month. “My mother used to tell me that people can forget how to do the most simplest things when they are trying to either express themselves or impress someone else" I said.

“A-and what does that mean" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Nothing important." stared at him. “I shouldn't be laughing—"

“Why not?"

"I don't want to talk about this, besides, didn't Bola fill you in?" A tear slipped down my eyes. Silence was becoming the order of the day

Mr Dante frowned and reduced the proximity between us. “You accidentally murdered your Ex?" He said.

Murder. The word wasn't foreign. It had been with me all my life. My mother was murdered. My uncle was murdered. Dayo got murdered. Everyone around me is getting murdered and it is one way or the other connected to me.

“Bad luck" I mumbled.

“Excuse me?"

"It's my bad luck, that's why I keep losing people" I said as my eyes filled with tears. 

"I don't know why I'm telling you this, and I know I will regret it, but right now..."

"Right now, I..."

I looked away as more tears slipped.

"My last name isn't Adegoke" I began. Cole looked at me, his full attention on me and only me, our eyed locked before I tore my gaze and stared back at the water, it was easier this way

"July 5, 2013, My mother died. She never really spoke about my father, only that he stayed away for the best and that he did love me, boy, was that hard to believe..."

I could never understand how people could comfortably talk about their lives to strangers rather than family. Now that I was in this position, I understood it. I used to think it was stupid and irrational. But sometimes, circumstances can force you to talk to a wall and with strangers you — you really have nothing to lose.

And there is nothing more relieving or scarier than having nothing to lose.

"July 7, 2013, I moved in with my uncle. It was all jolly and love — He showered me with affection and a sense of security. Back then, I never thought the kind of love I reciprocated was not the one he emitted," I spoke softly.

"July 23, 2013, My uncle pulled out his belt for the first time and hit me. I remember clearly. He told me that I could not tell him No, because he owned me." a tear slipped from my eye, as I recalled the memory, I had just told him, I didn't like the way he touched me, he went berserk and before I knew it, I was being battered.

“Why is it? Why do men think they are entitled to women? Why do they have this sense of entitlement and domination over women? Why must we be submissive. I am not a feminist, but society has ridiculously manipulated these stereotypes to justify crimes that were nothing but absolute crap" I expressed. I shut my eyes and breathed. “I'm sorry, it's just, it's not easy you know..."

"August 10, 2013, My uncle... He..." I stopped as I dared to look into his eyes, I expected pity, but what I saw was love. the same way my mother stared at my father's picture for years, the same way Bola's eyes lit up when she spoke about Collins, I frowned then looked away.

"He raped me." 

"A-"

"Tore my clothes, threw me across the room, and raped me." 

“Are—"

"It continued for months"

"January 2014, I met Dayo Adeyemi, it was love at first sight. He was strong. He gave me the security I craved for, it was all sweet and smooth, but all sweet things turn sour, life made sure to remind me of that every single time."

"June 12, 2019. It began with yelling, then shoving and soon I found myself at the mercy of his leather belt, again and again. Each time, I said it was the last, he would beg and beg, and say he was sorry, days went by, and nothing changed!"

"Bola convinced me to come to London and pursue my career, that's all I wanted..." I confessed 

"Cole," I said as I looked at him "this is me, raw and naked, I am like a battered animal. I left my former life to find peace— to pursue my career and all I get is a dead body and I'm the killer, Drama, madness, death. It follows me everywhere, this is not the life you need, I am not-"

"We need each other. Aramide, You— you don't have to go through this alone" Mr Dante said as he came closer our proximity increasing.

“I am tired of depending on a man." I admitted.

"Then we won't depend on each other. You have been deprived of your peace, you say you are a battered animal, that's fine, I love you like that..." I looked at him, our eyes locked.

"I love you, broken or not, battered or not, drama or not, I want to be with you, Aramide. Let me shower you with love and bask you with affection, let me be your security, I will protect you and love you as you deserve, you deserve the best..." He said as he leaned closer. I could feel his breath on my face

Whether it was my vulnerability or lust — I had no clue

All I know is when his lips intertwined with mine, I never wanted to let go.