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CHAPTER 83
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A vow of hate CHAPTER 84
HAZELMy best friend held me tightly in her arms while I cried all night, and even long after my sobs died down into the occasional sniffle, she didn’t let go. And when I woke up the next morning with swollen eyes and a puffy face, she ran me a bath and made us breakfast. And then repeated the cycle again this morning. Christian had been blowing up my phone, and I turned it off. He had shown up here yesterday, but Olivia managed to convince him that she hadn’t seen me either. Maybe he believed her, or maybe he didn’t… it didn’t matter, because he did what I wanted and left. I drove down to Olivia’s apartment after standing on the bridge and staring down at the water for almost an hour. I was unable to cry then, unable to think, and just overall completely numb. Then it got really chilly and I knew I had to leave. With nowhere else to go to, the only viable option was my best friend's place. And when she opened the door with a concerned look on her face, the floodgates were opened onc
A vow of hate CHAPTER 85
CUSTODY BATTLE: DAY 1.CHRISTIANThe sterile and stale air of the courtroom pressed down on me like a physical weight. My shirt collar felt impossibly tight and the scratchy fabric mirrored the agitation clawing at my insides. I couldn’t believe I was sitting here in this courtroom, with strangers who just wanted to have a juicy bite of some gossip sitting behind me. I couldn’t believe the fate of my child’s future lay in the hands of a scrawny old looking judge and the jury who knew nothing about our lives. But the most annoying part of it all was the amount of media attention this case was getting— more articles and think pieces were released each day, and an army of paparazzi and press waited outside the courthouse, ready to pounce once we were done.Across the aisle, Chloe sat composed. She looked unbothered and poised, and that did nothing to soothe the churning in my gut. If anything, it made me mad. Beside me, Hazel’s hand trembled in my grip. Her knuckles were white against th
A vow of hate CHAPTER 86
CUSTODY BATTLE— DAY 2.HAZELThe next couple weeks that followed after our first court date were hell, to say the least. Text messages and calls from random numbers blew our phones up. It was so bad that we had to change our phone numbers. We barely left the house for fear of being pounced upon by the press, and Christian even worked from home. But thankfully, we had a great support system. Christian’s entire family drove to our home almost every single day, as did Olivia. I called mom and explained what was happening, and why I wouldn’t be visiting her as often as I usually did. She tried to make me feel better, but there wasn’t much she could do from the hospital, and that was one more thing I cried myself to sleep about. Sarah helped fill in the void a little bit though— my mother in law was truly the best and I couldn’t be more grateful. Overall, we just tried to make things as normal as possible at home for Valerie, so she wouldn’t notice a thing. Christian even got her the tiny
A vow of hate CHAPTER 87
Days bled into weeks, the sterile air of the courtroom became a constant companion. If I thought the first day was bad, it was ten times worse now. Christian and I endured witness testimonies, closing arguments, and the agonizing wait for the jury's deliberation. Each day, we returned home, barely able to breathe till the next court hearing. We tried to go back to the normal routine of thing, but it was hard. I sneaked out a few times to the hospital and sat and talked with mom. And most importantly, we showered Valerie with all our attention. Sleep came in fitful bursts, haunted by dreams of her tear-stained face.Finally, the day arrived. A nervous tension filled the courtroom as the jury filed in, their faces unreadable. Judge Moore rapped her gavel, her voice firm as she got straight down to business. "Members of the jury, have you reached a verdict?"The foreman, a middle-aged woman with kind eyes, rose. "We have, Your Honor," she announced. I felt a bead of sweat roll down my
A vow of hate CHAPTER 88
I dashed into the hospital still dressed in the black dress I had worn to court. “Hazel, slow down or you’re going to fall.” Christian warned behind me, increasing his pace to match mine.I ignored him and headed straight for the elevator. I had tunnel vision right now and the only thing I saw was my mother. I could barely even hear Christian or any other sound around me. It all became background noise. Mom wasn’t in her room. I looked around frantically. “Where is she?”“Hazel…” Christian tried to pull me to him but I pushed away from him.“Where is she? Oh my God. What if… what if she’s—”“Hey, let’s calm down okay,” Christian said, trying to pacify me. “I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation.”“I don’t even know what’s going on… why would they keep me in the dark like this?” My heart was beating extra hard, and a thousand scenarios crossed my mind. My blood ran cold, and I started shivering. If my mom wasn’t in her room, it only meant one thing right? I recalled the urgency in
A vow of hate CHAPTER 89
MARKI tapped my finger impatiently on the table as I scoured the small cafe. I checked the Rolex on my wrist.“Damn it,” I cursed under my breath. This was what I hated about women, especially women like her. I hated waiting. I sipped on my drink and waited for ten more minutes before I finally spotted her from the large window highlighting from her car. She drove a Benz and dressed like those rich who did pilates girls did. She had an air of arrogance and entitlement to her. She looked like she was a bitch. And that was exactly what I was going for.Jackpot.“Mark Thompson?” She asked as she finally stood in front of me.I raised an eyebrow in response, gesturing about the empty cafe. She rolled her eyes and gingerly placed her birkin down on the table and took a seat. “You didn’t order me a drink?” She asked with her perfect bitchy tone— just as I had expected.I folded my arms across my chest and matched her energy perfectly. “I didn’t know what kind of drink you like.” I lied, b
A vow of hate CHAPTER 90
2 WEEKS LATERCHRISTIANThis entire day had been weird. I had left home in a positive mood today. I’d had breakfast with my wife and our daughter, and drove the office after peppering a thousand sloppy kisses on Valerie’s face— Grandma kisses as she called it. But once I stepped foot into the building, it was like the veil of happiness had been lifted, and in its place, was a looming darkness. Stupid things kept going wrong, things that shouldn’t be wrong at all; like the photocopying machines not working, my secretary running into the office a late and sweaty mess, or the fact that the clients I was supposed to be meeting today had randomly decided to just not show up. I looked at the spreadsheets in front of me and groaned internally. I just wanted to be home with my family. My phone rang with a loud shrill. I looked at it in annoyance, contemplating whether I should answer it or not. Finally, with a sigh, I reached over and answered."Christian Walker speaking," I said, my voice m
A vow of hate CHAPTER 91
CHRISTIAN My wife remained a huddled figure on the bed. I moved beside her but somehow still felt so far away. Her words cut deep but I understood why she had said them. She was grieving, even if there wasn’t a single teardrop on her face. I thought about Sandra– I thought about her peaceful and nurturing energy and all the time we had spent together. She would no longer be confused or agitated. She would no longer be in pain or be trapped within the confines of this room anymore. Sandra had always said she wanted to be a bird, to spread her wings and fly wherever the wind carried her. She would be able to do that now. But while that thought was a bit comforting, the weight of all the other things she would no longer be able to do was much more daunting. Especially the fact that she would no longer be able to tell me stories of the woman who was now grieving for her. Hazel didn’t want me there, but at the same time, I knew she didn’t want to be alone. And I couldn't bear to leave he
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A vow of hate EPILOGUE
CHRISTIAN & HAZEL I chuckled as the doctor squirted the gel on Hazel’s tummy, making her squirm. Hazel always reacted to the cold. I kissed her and watched as the wand moved back and forth, and the image became clearer. “There’s your baby.” The doctor, Suzanne smiled, clicking and measuring. I held my breath as she turned on the sound, and I heard the heartbeat. The odd noise filled the room, the fast, steady sound like music to my ears. “You’re sure you want to know the sex?” “Yes!” Hazel and I exclaimed. “It’s a girl,” Suzanne announced. I laughed. “I’m surrounded. My own little harem.” Hazel’s eyes were focused on the screen. She tilted her head, looking confused. “It all looks good…” Suzanne’s voice trailed off. I frowned at the subtle change in the noise. It was faster, like an echo of itself, the strumming continuous. “Well, look who’s been hiding,” Suzanne mused and glanced over at us. She grinned and winked at me. “You did good, Christian.” She peered at the screen in
A vow of hate CHAPTER 169
HAZELI crawled into bed with Christian, snuggled into his side, and rested my head on his chest. He groaned as he shifted.“Are you all right?” I asked, worried that I had hurt him.He nodded. “Colin warned me that getting the sensation back in my legs was going to hurt. He’s fucking right.”Between rushing after Valerie, walking for everyone, moving around the house with his walker, and sitting on Valerie’s bed as he read to her for over an hour, I knew he was exhausted. But when I asked if he was ready to sleep, he said he wasn’t. I felt the same way too. Mentally, I was still wide awake. “Do you want some pain killers?”“No. As weird as it sounds, I want to feel it. I never thought I would get to this point, so aches and all, I’m going to go with it.”I laughed softly. “You’re right, Christian. You are weird.”He dragged her up his chest,causing a little gasp of surprise to escape me.“You wanna help me forget about the aches, Hazel?” he murmured in my ear, biting my lobe. “Make m
A vow of hate CHAPTER 168
The room around me buzzed with activity. Voices, people moving, talking to me, trying to get my attention. I held my breath, scared that if I even so much as breathed, I would miss something important.My focus was on one thing. The doctor examining Valerie. I had insisted, and finally Hazel relented, seeing how upset I was about her. My wife glanced up, smiling as she lifted Valerie to her shoulder. She tilted her chin, letting me know everything was okay. A fact that she was certain of, but I needed to be sure. She handed Valerie over to me and escorted the doctor out and I relaxed, pressing a kiss to my daughter’s head. She looked up, wrinkling her nose.“Hi, Daddy.” “Hey, baby girl.” She patted my hand. “Boo-boo better,” she cooed. “Good.” “Yeah, Daddy feels better.” I brushed a curl off her face. “How did you know?” She pushed on my cheek with her tiny finger. “You Daddy again. You smile.” I dropped my head, pressing kisses all over her sweet little fa
A vow of hate CHAPTER 167
I had never tried to comfort a person still caught between being a young man and a grown-ass adult. I had never reached out and been the role model.It was another lesson I was learning.Dennis was emotional. Filled with apologies. Begging for forgiveness. Once I broke through his stuttering words and barely held-back sobs, I set him straight.“What happened was not your fault. You didn’t put me in this wheelchair, Dennis. None of it is your doing. You need to stop blaming yourself.”“I can’t.”“You can. Get some help. I’ll ask Randy to take you on. He is an amazing person to help you sort things out and get your head straight.” I barked out a laugh. “If he can handle my shit, he can help you.”“But he’s here.”“Yes,” I agreed. “Which is where you need to be. You have a life waiting here for you, Dennis. A job you’re good at. Friends. Family.” I huffed out a breath. “Don’t let that day define you. Move past it.”“The guilt,” he said quietly. “It holds me hostage. That I’m walking arou
A vow of hate CHAPTER 166
I grabbed her hips, guiding her. Pushing her up and pulling her back down. She sobbed my name, her back arching as her release washed through her. I watched as she lost herself in the moment. I had forgotten how beautiful she was in her release. The way her entire frame shuddered. How she bit her lip and lowered her chin as if sinking into the feeling. The breathiness of my name falling from her lips. And how it felt when her muscles fluttered, tightened around me, taking all I had—giving me so much more.My body strained, the urge to thrust and grind against her eclipsing everything else. An orgasm hit me, obliterating everything in its path. I saw stars, the ecstasy was so great. I opened my mouth in a soundless scream, and somewhere, deep inside, I felt a flex, the pinching of muscles not used for so long now gripping, then vanishing as fast as they had engaged. A long, agonized sound escaped as my entire being surrendered. The pain, the pleasure, the sweet torture of it all.Hazel
A vow of hate CHAPTER 165
CHRISTIANThe taste and feel of my wife chased away the last lingering remnants of my dream. Hazel wasn’t walking away. She was right here, with me, in my arms.Right where she should be.I kissed her deeply, seeking out her tongue with mine, stroking hard and deep. Reclaiming her mouth. Reclaiming her. I yanked her tight to my chest, pulling off the towel she had draped around her body. I pushed down the blanket that covered me, needing to feel her. I dragged her over my lap, groaning at the feel of her weight pressing down on me. Still kissing her, I slid my hands over her silken thighs, parting them and settling her so she straddled me.She pulled back, gasping. “Is this okay?”“Fucking yes, it’s okay.” I pressed my mouth to her neck, licking up the damp, elegant column of her throat. “It’s fucking perfect.” I murmured. “You’re so perfect for me, Haze. And I’m such an idiot. Everything that has happened, it only made you stronger, but not me… I got weak.”She grabbed my face, holdi
A vow of hate CHAPTER 164
Valerie’s feet kicked in excitement as we turned down the street. I smiled at her in the rearview mirror.“Daddy waiting!” she crowed.I felt both excitement and trepidation as I pulled into the driveway. I wanted to come home so much, yet I was afraid of what was going to happen when we were alone. Would Christian continue moving forward, or would our presence once again cause him to slide backward? Once he got over the initial pleasure of seeing his child, would he again find her, and me, more of a bother? I wasn’t sure I could take it if that happened. I couldn’t watch the man I love disappear into the shell he used to be. But a small voice in my head kept telling me he wouldn’t. The gifts, the notes, the calls, and texts from him were all sent by the man I loved. He had made sure I knew how sorry he was feeling and how hard he was working to come back to us. He even opened up and expressed his worries, finally letting me know the depth of his fears. Finally letting me understand w
A vow of hate CHAPTER 163
HAZELChristian lifted his face from my neck, his eyes red, his cheeks damp. I had never witnessed him break down that way. The rare occasions when he cried, he still held himself in check, his pride unable to allow even me to fully see his pain. I grabbed the tissues Maddox had dropped beside us and wiped Christian’s face, cupping his cheeks. “Hey,” I whispered, looking up at him from where I crouched between his legs. “I guess I lost the last piece of my man card with that display,” he mumbled.“I doubt it. Maddox was openly weeping before you even finished walking, and Mia had to leave the room.” He frowned in confusion. “Why?” “They’re as proud of you as I am, Christian.” “Where are they?” “Maddox made sure you were back in your chair, and they left. I heard the car driving away, so I assumed they left to give us some privacy.” He looked down, surprised. “I have no recollection of being moved.” I softened my voice. “You were pretty emotional.”
A vow of hate CHAPTER 162
Hazel loved the spa. She sent pictures of them all enjoying the treatments, sipping champagne, even funny ones of Valerie getting a baby massage and having her toes done with the girls, holding up a glass of apple juice. They made me smile, even as my heart ached. I sent flowers to the hotel for Hazel. I added a box of her preferred chocolates. When she went back to mom and Grandpa’s, I sent a chef to make her favorite meal. A basket of bath products to indulge her love of soaking in the tub. I sent it with a stuffed bear, fluffy and cute with a card attached, reading: "Snuggle this until you’re home. I’ll take his place when you’re ready. All my love—Your Christian". One night, lying in our bed alone, I turned on some music. I shut my eyes and listened as the soothing voice of Neil Diamond played in the darkness. A song came on, and for some reason, the lyrics hit me as they never had before. “The Story of My Life” spoke of the depth of his love for the woman in his life
