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CHAPTER 50
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A vow of hate CHAPTER 51
CHRISTIANI saw her waving a lot of cars down but they all refused to stop and drove away. I slowed down behind her and watched her walk, barefooted with shoes in hand and the other hand desperately trying to gather her black dress from the floor. She looked like a runaway bride. She looked a mess, it was no wonder all the cabs weren’t stopping for her. I didn’t mean for this to happen but I had let the anger take over me. I shouldn’t have said those things to her. A part of me argued that she deserved to hear the exact words I had said to her, but a better part of me couldn’t agree with it, and I hated the fact that most situations concerning her stirred up so many conflicting emotions in me. In truth I was initially angry because I did not smell the perfume I got for her on her. She smelled the same as she always did. I heard the emotion in her voice yesterday when she talked about the perfume. I knew I hadn't imagined it, so I expected her to be happy today when she put it on but t
A vow of hate CHAPTER 52
HAZELI woke up very early the next morning, cheery as ever. I headed to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the house. Preparing breakfast was never my thing and I was not a morning person so even I was surprised at the task I gave myself. As I stood preparing the coffee, I touched my lips and memories of last night assailed me. The kiss and the hold he had on me, I exhaled heavily. I had spent the entire night tossing and turning, and still hadn’t figured out how I was supposed to feel about it. Shaking my head to get rid of those thoughts, I started to prepare the waffles for Valerie. I heard her laughing as I passed her room that morning, I knew Tina was getting her ready for school. Not long later they came downstairs and we had a nice chat where she was telling me how Anna brought her pet fish to school the other day. I boxed up her lunch and Dennis came in prepared to take her to school. One thing about her was that she wasn’t fussy about going to preschool, she loved it actua
A vow of hate CHAPTER 53
The next day, Christain walked into the kitchen where I sat preparing a salad with his mom."Honey, you didn't call back the gardener. The flowers are overgrown already," he said as he went to the bar to pick a bottle."I'll do that tomorrow," I said dismissively, purposely ignoring him as I counted the olives I was adding to the bowl."You said that all through last week and also yesterday," he countered."I say I'll do it tomorrow.” I said half heartedly and turned to his mom. “Sarah, come with me please?. Bask under the sun with me while we eat this healthy bowl of salad. '' I said walking away from him and towards his mom who sat by the poolside."You're really serious about getting that summer body," she said as she followed me outside."Wait till you see me put on my bikini," I told her, knowing that Christian could still hear me. Sarah and I laughed as we got to the pool side to see Valerie swimming around with Tina watching her.Soon after, Christian came outside with a glas
A vow of hate CHAPTER 54
Christian didn't come down for dinner and it was almost past ten. I had already put Hazel to bed hours ago, I was surprised he hadn't even gone to kiss her goodnight yet, he always did it every night without fail. But for the past few days he had been occupied, I barely even saw him enough to engage in any banter with him. The few times he had come out from his home office after work was to pick a new bottle of wine or gobble up some snacks. All the other times I came in contact with him he was either working out while on a call or walking around on a call. He was truly overworking himself and I knew it was taking a toll on him because he hardly even saw Valerie. I sighed before I made a plate for him and headed for his office. Heading to his office with a glass of juice and some food, I silently prayed he was not in one of his shitty moods tonight. I softly knocked on the door before I pushed it open."Hi,” he paused typing and looked up at me. "You… you didn’t come down for dinner,
A vow of hate CHAPTER 55
“Is she asleep?” Christian asked when I joined him in the living room after putting Valerie down for the night. I nodded in response to the question and tried not to let the intimate domesticity of the scene unnerve me too much. He was sprawled on one of the huge comfortable new sofas that Mia had talked me into buying when we saw it in one of her many catalogs.“Yes, she was still going on about ‘Nebo’ when she dropped off.” He smiled faintly at that.“I don’t think she’s going to get tired of seeing that movie anytime soon,” he murmured, referring to “finding Nemo”. We had watched the movie five times already this week on Valerie’s insistence, and it was only Wednesday. Christian fingered the rim of the glass of scotch he had poured for himself, indicating a glass of red wine on the little table beside the sofa. “Wine?” Not wanting to refuse and end the comfortable atmosphere between us just yet, I nodded and curled up on the opposite end of the large sofa, tucking my feet beneath
A vow of hate CHAPTER 56
Being married to Christian Walker had turned out to have its own advantages—apart from the broody eye candy and the almost daily private show I got whenever we ended up in the home gym together, I mean. As much as I didn’t care for the idea of having a driver take me everywhere I needed fo go, I didn’t put up any fight when Christian forced me to go with Dennis in the mornings instead of driving on my own and getting myself into situations—his word, not mine—but it was a word I could have coined myself. Mark hadn’t reached out or showed up in a while, but I knew he was still out there somewhere. Lurking behind the surface. My mother’s cancer had flared up recently, and the doctors were working tirelessly round the clock. I tried not to think of the negative, so each morning, I put on a big smile and went in there to spend the day with her. If I was being honest, I didn’t know what to expect anymore. Christian had concluded on his own that I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to drive
A vow of hate CHAPTER 57
A god awful cramp in my stomach yanked me out of sleep. I moaned and pulled my knees up to my chest. Every muscle in my stomach seemed to contract and twist. Then a strong wave of nausea slammed into me.Oh God, I was gonna be sick.I felt the vomit begin to rise; knew I’d never be able to hold it back. I scrambled off the bed and rushed to the bathroom like my ass was on fire, knocking down my bedside lamp in the process. I winced as the glass shattered. But I made it to the toilet just in time. I retched violently as vicious contractions racked my stomach. It was so bad I could barely catch my breath between the flows of vomit that surged up my throat and sprayed the toilet pan.“Hazel?” A hand settled on my back just as Christian bent over me. “Shit.”Mortified, I tried waving him away, but he wouldn’t be budged. He held my hair out of the way and rubbed my back as I hurled like a champ. The stench of stomach acid and vomit stung my nostrils. Finally, the contractions stopped, but
A vow of hate CHAPTER 58
A month laterThe hall that Mia had chosen for her event was probably the most beautiful one I had ever seen. It was decorated in pastel colors, which followed the theme of her new skin care brand that she was launching. Everyone was dressed in different shades of pastels to match the products too. Soft strains of music flowed effortlessly through the room and we walked in with Christian’s hand on the small of my back.It was a Saturday, and it was the launch party for Mia’s new business. The sheer elegance of the gowns and tuxedos in the room never ceased to amaze me no matter how many of these types of events I attended. Whatever the theme was, these people always seemed to find a way to beat my expectations. I knew the dresses these women were often clad in cost a few thousand dollars and they all looked so beautiful in them, which was to be expected if they were putting that much on a piece of clothing. I stood next to Christian as his eyes scanned the room, the smile on my face
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A vow of hate EPILOGUE
CHRISTIAN & HAZEL I chuckled as the doctor squirted the gel on Hazel’s tummy, making her squirm. Hazel always reacted to the cold. I kissed her and watched as the wand moved back and forth, and the image became clearer. “There’s your baby.” The doctor, Suzanne smiled, clicking and measuring. I held my breath as she turned on the sound, and I heard the heartbeat. The odd noise filled the room, the fast, steady sound like music to my ears. “You’re sure you want to know the sex?” “Yes!” Hazel and I exclaimed. “It’s a girl,” Suzanne announced. I laughed. “I’m surrounded. My own little harem.” Hazel’s eyes were focused on the screen. She tilted her head, looking confused. “It all looks good…” Suzanne’s voice trailed off. I frowned at the subtle change in the noise. It was faster, like an echo of itself, the strumming continuous. “Well, look who’s been hiding,” Suzanne mused and glanced over at us. She grinned and winked at me. “You did good, Christian.” She peered at the screen in
A vow of hate CHAPTER 169
HAZELI crawled into bed with Christian, snuggled into his side, and rested my head on his chest. He groaned as he shifted.“Are you all right?” I asked, worried that I had hurt him.He nodded. “Colin warned me that getting the sensation back in my legs was going to hurt. He’s fucking right.”Between rushing after Valerie, walking for everyone, moving around the house with his walker, and sitting on Valerie’s bed as he read to her for over an hour, I knew he was exhausted. But when I asked if he was ready to sleep, he said he wasn’t. I felt the same way too. Mentally, I was still wide awake. “Do you want some pain killers?”“No. As weird as it sounds, I want to feel it. I never thought I would get to this point, so aches and all, I’m going to go with it.”I laughed softly. “You’re right, Christian. You are weird.”He dragged her up his chest,causing a little gasp of surprise to escape me.“You wanna help me forget about the aches, Hazel?” he murmured in my ear, biting my lobe. “Make m
A vow of hate CHAPTER 168
The room around me buzzed with activity. Voices, people moving, talking to me, trying to get my attention. I held my breath, scared that if I even so much as breathed, I would miss something important.My focus was on one thing. The doctor examining Valerie. I had insisted, and finally Hazel relented, seeing how upset I was about her. My wife glanced up, smiling as she lifted Valerie to her shoulder. She tilted her chin, letting me know everything was okay. A fact that she was certain of, but I needed to be sure. She handed Valerie over to me and escorted the doctor out and I relaxed, pressing a kiss to my daughter’s head. She looked up, wrinkling her nose.“Hi, Daddy.” “Hey, baby girl.” She patted my hand. “Boo-boo better,” she cooed. “Good.” “Yeah, Daddy feels better.” I brushed a curl off her face. “How did you know?” She pushed on my cheek with her tiny finger. “You Daddy again. You smile.” I dropped my head, pressing kisses all over her sweet little fa
A vow of hate CHAPTER 167
I had never tried to comfort a person still caught between being a young man and a grown-ass adult. I had never reached out and been the role model.It was another lesson I was learning.Dennis was emotional. Filled with apologies. Begging for forgiveness. Once I broke through his stuttering words and barely held-back sobs, I set him straight.“What happened was not your fault. You didn’t put me in this wheelchair, Dennis. None of it is your doing. You need to stop blaming yourself.”“I can’t.”“You can. Get some help. I’ll ask Randy to take you on. He is an amazing person to help you sort things out and get your head straight.” I barked out a laugh. “If he can handle my shit, he can help you.”“But he’s here.”“Yes,” I agreed. “Which is where you need to be. You have a life waiting here for you, Dennis. A job you’re good at. Friends. Family.” I huffed out a breath. “Don’t let that day define you. Move past it.”“The guilt,” he said quietly. “It holds me hostage. That I’m walking arou
A vow of hate CHAPTER 166
I grabbed her hips, guiding her. Pushing her up and pulling her back down. She sobbed my name, her back arching as her release washed through her. I watched as she lost herself in the moment. I had forgotten how beautiful she was in her release. The way her entire frame shuddered. How she bit her lip and lowered her chin as if sinking into the feeling. The breathiness of my name falling from her lips. And how it felt when her muscles fluttered, tightened around me, taking all I had—giving me so much more.My body strained, the urge to thrust and grind against her eclipsing everything else. An orgasm hit me, obliterating everything in its path. I saw stars, the ecstasy was so great. I opened my mouth in a soundless scream, and somewhere, deep inside, I felt a flex, the pinching of muscles not used for so long now gripping, then vanishing as fast as they had engaged. A long, agonized sound escaped as my entire being surrendered. The pain, the pleasure, the sweet torture of it all.Hazel
A vow of hate CHAPTER 165
CHRISTIANThe taste and feel of my wife chased away the last lingering remnants of my dream. Hazel wasn’t walking away. She was right here, with me, in my arms.Right where she should be.I kissed her deeply, seeking out her tongue with mine, stroking hard and deep. Reclaiming her mouth. Reclaiming her. I yanked her tight to my chest, pulling off the towel she had draped around her body. I pushed down the blanket that covered me, needing to feel her. I dragged her over my lap, groaning at the feel of her weight pressing down on me. Still kissing her, I slid my hands over her silken thighs, parting them and settling her so she straddled me.She pulled back, gasping. “Is this okay?”“Fucking yes, it’s okay.” I pressed my mouth to her neck, licking up the damp, elegant column of her throat. “It’s fucking perfect.” I murmured. “You’re so perfect for me, Haze. And I’m such an idiot. Everything that has happened, it only made you stronger, but not me… I got weak.”She grabbed my face, holdi
A vow of hate CHAPTER 164
Valerie’s feet kicked in excitement as we turned down the street. I smiled at her in the rearview mirror.“Daddy waiting!” she crowed.I felt both excitement and trepidation as I pulled into the driveway. I wanted to come home so much, yet I was afraid of what was going to happen when we were alone. Would Christian continue moving forward, or would our presence once again cause him to slide backward? Once he got over the initial pleasure of seeing his child, would he again find her, and me, more of a bother? I wasn’t sure I could take it if that happened. I couldn’t watch the man I love disappear into the shell he used to be. But a small voice in my head kept telling me he wouldn’t. The gifts, the notes, the calls, and texts from him were all sent by the man I loved. He had made sure I knew how sorry he was feeling and how hard he was working to come back to us. He even opened up and expressed his worries, finally letting me know the depth of his fears. Finally letting me understand w
A vow of hate CHAPTER 163
HAZELChristian lifted his face from my neck, his eyes red, his cheeks damp. I had never witnessed him break down that way. The rare occasions when he cried, he still held himself in check, his pride unable to allow even me to fully see his pain. I grabbed the tissues Maddox had dropped beside us and wiped Christian’s face, cupping his cheeks. “Hey,” I whispered, looking up at him from where I crouched between his legs. “I guess I lost the last piece of my man card with that display,” he mumbled.“I doubt it. Maddox was openly weeping before you even finished walking, and Mia had to leave the room.” He frowned in confusion. “Why?” “They’re as proud of you as I am, Christian.” “Where are they?” “Maddox made sure you were back in your chair, and they left. I heard the car driving away, so I assumed they left to give us some privacy.” He looked down, surprised. “I have no recollection of being moved.” I softened my voice. “You were pretty emotional.”
A vow of hate CHAPTER 162
Hazel loved the spa. She sent pictures of them all enjoying the treatments, sipping champagne, even funny ones of Valerie getting a baby massage and having her toes done with the girls, holding up a glass of apple juice. They made me smile, even as my heart ached. I sent flowers to the hotel for Hazel. I added a box of her preferred chocolates. When she went back to mom and Grandpa’s, I sent a chef to make her favorite meal. A basket of bath products to indulge her love of soaking in the tub. I sent it with a stuffed bear, fluffy and cute with a card attached, reading: "Snuggle this until you’re home. I’ll take his place when you’re ready. All my love—Your Christian". One night, lying in our bed alone, I turned on some music. I shut my eyes and listened as the soothing voice of Neil Diamond played in the darkness. A song came on, and for some reason, the lyrics hit me as they never had before. “The Story of My Life” spoke of the depth of his love for the woman in his life
