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CHAPTER 39
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A vow of hate CHAPTER 40
It had been a few days since my mom’s troubling diagnosis, and over the course of those few days, the hospital had become my second home. She seemed better, she wasn’t hysterical or anything, and she even asked about Christian and Valerie every now and then, but I still couldn’t get myself to calm down and relax. I hovered over her at every second, and I was pretty sure she was tired of me breathing down her neck– a feeling that she made clear and communicated effectively when she quite literally kicked me out her room this afternoon. I walked back to my car with a gloomy cloud hanging over my head. She seemed fine, she seemed to remember that I was married now, but it was hard to shake off the fear that I was feeling.I walked into my favorite part of the house– the conservatory– where Tina had told me that I could find Valerie and Christian, and froze in surprise at the sight that met my eyes. Warm sunshine shone on Christian from the glass as he sat quietly while Valerie bustled ar
A vow of hate CHAPTER 41
The shrill sound of my phone ringing filled my ears as I reached the top of the stairs. I sighed, silently cursing as I fished for it in my purse, which only resulted in everything falling out of my hands and clattering to the floor. I watched with tears in my eyes as the contents of my phone rolled all the way to the bottom of the stairs.“Could this day get any fucking worse?” I silently swore, still very conscious of the fact that Valerie was in the house and she could hear me if I said that out loud. I angrily swiped at my eyes as I went back down the stairs, picking up lip glosses and cards and a ten dollar bill as I went. My phone was still going bat shit crazy, and I wondered who it was that was calling with so much urgency. It was my best friend, Olivia.“Olivia?”“Where have you been? I’ve been calling.” she said, her voice a mixture of concern and annoyance.“I was walking up the stairs… my phone fell, and I…are you okay?” I asked, deciding to leave out the insignificant det
A vow of hate CHAPTER 42
Christian was gone when I woke up. I cautiously opened my eyes to a sunlit bedroom. There was no sign of Christian and if I didn't have a vivid memory of the previous night, I could have argued that he hadn’t even been in my room at all. Everything was back in order– like last night hadn’t happened at all. There was a crack in the curtain that allowed the sunlight to stream in, and a quick glance at my phone screen confirmed that I had slept way past noon. It was already midday. I sat up shakily, feeling refreshed, yet strangely hollow. I felt like somebody who had just had a long and desperately needed sleep after the death of a loved one, only to wake up to the discovery that even though life would go on, it would be forever marred by the tragedy of loss. I could not remember the last time I had slept so soundly, probably years ago, before my mother got diagnosed with cancer; I certainly have not had any peace of mind since then. I groaned as I started recalling the events of the p
A vow of hate CHAPTER 43
“Where are we going?” I asked for what must have been the thousandth time that evening, much to Christian’s annoyance.His eyes flared with rage as he turned to look at me from his seat in the car. “You’ve asked a thousand times since we left the house, and for the thousandth time, Hazel, you’ll know when we get there.”I frowned at him, almost tempted to stick out my tongue at him in the same way that Valerie did when she wasn’t getting what she wanted. I looked down at my attire, black sweatpants with a pale pink hoodie, and white sneakers. I had walked down the stairs earlier with a full face of makeup and a dinner dress on, only to meet Christian’s unamused glare at the bottom of the stairs. He had taken one look at me, and cocked an eyebrow. “What is this?”“What is what?” I had asked in confusion.“Take it off,” he simply ordered.“Why?” I had asked, still confused.He had ignored my question, choosing instead to take my arm and pull me back up the stairs and into my closet, whe
A vow of hate CHAPTER 44
Emotions are a weird concept. You never truly know which one is next or hard it’s going to hit you. Because here I was, watching my husband and my ex boyfriend exchange pleasantries, and my chest felt like it had been split open with an ax. Mark caught my eye as we reached our bowling pit and he gave a sick wink that made me want to throw up my insides. I swallowed down the acrid taste of bile in my throat, while still trying to keep a blank face. I couldn’t let Christian suspect a thing. “Your wife is very beautiful. You’re a lucky man.” Mark said, slapping Christian playfully on the back like they had been friends for years.Christian gave me a look that I didn’t bother to try and decipher, before he looked back at Mark and gave a polite nod. “I am, aren’t I?”We put our names in the system and the game started. Mark was going first. I watched him stick his fingers in a green ball, taking his sweet time and doing everything in such a calculated manner. I knew he was taunting me. An
A vow of hate CHAPTER 45
I sat stiffly next to Christian as we drove to a nearby cafe, with Mark driving behind us in his own car. I had pressed my nails into my palm since we left the bowling alley, and a sweet pain now spread through my arm. My nails had created moon crescents in my palm and I was very sure that I would draw blood soon if I didn’t stop applying so much pressure soon.“What is wrong with you? You’ve been acting shifty since we were at the bowling alley,” Christian asked, his voice tinged with irritation.I turned slowly to look at him, trying to keep my voice steady. “I just don’t feel good… can we just head home instead?” I asked with a little hope in me.“And what? Cancel on him just like that?” Christian motioned towards the car behind us. I sighed and shut my eyes. “Christian, please…” I had resorted to begging, because I had a feeling that this wasn’t going to end well for me. We needed to ditch Mark, in any way possible.Christian mumbled something incoherent, and shot me a look. “Den
A vow of hate CHAPTER 46
I was meeting Christian and Valerie at the park today. I had just spent the entire morning with my mother. She was getting better, her memory was still kind of choppy but I was getting better at managing the whole thing. The plan was to spend the whole day with her but I had gotten a text from Christian saying that Valerie was throwing a fit about going to the park and she insisted I must be there too. I found it kind of cute that she wanted to spend time with me, and I still felt a little guilty since I had been spending a bulk of my time at the hospital. But the downside to this development was that I would be forced to be in the same space as Christian, which is something I had been actively avoiding for the past few days since that night with Mark. I was so sure that I had been caught that night, but before Chritian could come into view, Mark released his grip on my neck and smoothly slipped into the bathroom. Apparently, he had told Christian that he had an emergency and needed t
A vow of hate CHAAPTER 47
All my senses were at alert. My heart was thudding in my chest, and beads of perspiration had formed around my forehead.“Hazel,” Christian called, reaching out to grab my arm. But I was already out of reach. I ran across the length of the park, down to the area where Valerie had been playing with her friend, but she wasn’t there.“Valerie!” I called out. I could see Christian walking towards me. His lips were moving like he was saying something, but I was unable to hear anything over the blood rushing to my head. “Oh God,” I panted, still running around like a crazy person. My head was filled with all kinds of thoughts, all coming to a single conclusion. Mark had gotten to her, he had taken her. We had only looked away for a second but Mark had snatched her up, and it was all my fault. I didn’t even want to think of what he might do to her. He wouldn’t hurt a child, right? If anything happened to her, I would never be able to forgive myself.“Valerie!” I yelled again, feeling bile ri
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A vow of hate EPILOGUE
CHRISTIAN & HAZEL I chuckled as the doctor squirted the gel on Hazel’s tummy, making her squirm. Hazel always reacted to the cold. I kissed her and watched as the wand moved back and forth, and the image became clearer. “There’s your baby.” The doctor, Suzanne smiled, clicking and measuring. I held my breath as she turned on the sound, and I heard the heartbeat. The odd noise filled the room, the fast, steady sound like music to my ears. “You’re sure you want to know the sex?” “Yes!” Hazel and I exclaimed. “It’s a girl,” Suzanne announced. I laughed. “I’m surrounded. My own little harem.” Hazel’s eyes were focused on the screen. She tilted her head, looking confused. “It all looks good…” Suzanne’s voice trailed off. I frowned at the subtle change in the noise. It was faster, like an echo of itself, the strumming continuous. “Well, look who’s been hiding,” Suzanne mused and glanced over at us. She grinned and winked at me. “You did good, Christian.” She peered at the screen in
A vow of hate CHAPTER 169
HAZELI crawled into bed with Christian, snuggled into his side, and rested my head on his chest. He groaned as he shifted.“Are you all right?” I asked, worried that I had hurt him.He nodded. “Colin warned me that getting the sensation back in my legs was going to hurt. He’s fucking right.”Between rushing after Valerie, walking for everyone, moving around the house with his walker, and sitting on Valerie’s bed as he read to her for over an hour, I knew he was exhausted. But when I asked if he was ready to sleep, he said he wasn’t. I felt the same way too. Mentally, I was still wide awake. “Do you want some pain killers?”“No. As weird as it sounds, I want to feel it. I never thought I would get to this point, so aches and all, I’m going to go with it.”I laughed softly. “You’re right, Christian. You are weird.”He dragged her up his chest,causing a little gasp of surprise to escape me.“You wanna help me forget about the aches, Hazel?” he murmured in my ear, biting my lobe. “Make m
A vow of hate CHAPTER 168
The room around me buzzed with activity. Voices, people moving, talking to me, trying to get my attention. I held my breath, scared that if I even so much as breathed, I would miss something important.My focus was on one thing. The doctor examining Valerie. I had insisted, and finally Hazel relented, seeing how upset I was about her. My wife glanced up, smiling as she lifted Valerie to her shoulder. She tilted her chin, letting me know everything was okay. A fact that she was certain of, but I needed to be sure. She handed Valerie over to me and escorted the doctor out and I relaxed, pressing a kiss to my daughter’s head. She looked up, wrinkling her nose.“Hi, Daddy.” “Hey, baby girl.” She patted my hand. “Boo-boo better,” she cooed. “Good.” “Yeah, Daddy feels better.” I brushed a curl off her face. “How did you know?” She pushed on my cheek with her tiny finger. “You Daddy again. You smile.” I dropped my head, pressing kisses all over her sweet little fa
A vow of hate CHAPTER 167
I had never tried to comfort a person still caught between being a young man and a grown-ass adult. I had never reached out and been the role model.It was another lesson I was learning.Dennis was emotional. Filled with apologies. Begging for forgiveness. Once I broke through his stuttering words and barely held-back sobs, I set him straight.“What happened was not your fault. You didn’t put me in this wheelchair, Dennis. None of it is your doing. You need to stop blaming yourself.”“I can’t.”“You can. Get some help. I’ll ask Randy to take you on. He is an amazing person to help you sort things out and get your head straight.” I barked out a laugh. “If he can handle my shit, he can help you.”“But he’s here.”“Yes,” I agreed. “Which is where you need to be. You have a life waiting here for you, Dennis. A job you’re good at. Friends. Family.” I huffed out a breath. “Don’t let that day define you. Move past it.”“The guilt,” he said quietly. “It holds me hostage. That I’m walking arou
A vow of hate CHAPTER 166
I grabbed her hips, guiding her. Pushing her up and pulling her back down. She sobbed my name, her back arching as her release washed through her. I watched as she lost herself in the moment. I had forgotten how beautiful she was in her release. The way her entire frame shuddered. How she bit her lip and lowered her chin as if sinking into the feeling. The breathiness of my name falling from her lips. And how it felt when her muscles fluttered, tightened around me, taking all I had—giving me so much more.My body strained, the urge to thrust and grind against her eclipsing everything else. An orgasm hit me, obliterating everything in its path. I saw stars, the ecstasy was so great. I opened my mouth in a soundless scream, and somewhere, deep inside, I felt a flex, the pinching of muscles not used for so long now gripping, then vanishing as fast as they had engaged. A long, agonized sound escaped as my entire being surrendered. The pain, the pleasure, the sweet torture of it all.Hazel
A vow of hate CHAPTER 165
CHRISTIANThe taste and feel of my wife chased away the last lingering remnants of my dream. Hazel wasn’t walking away. She was right here, with me, in my arms.Right where she should be.I kissed her deeply, seeking out her tongue with mine, stroking hard and deep. Reclaiming her mouth. Reclaiming her. I yanked her tight to my chest, pulling off the towel she had draped around her body. I pushed down the blanket that covered me, needing to feel her. I dragged her over my lap, groaning at the feel of her weight pressing down on me. Still kissing her, I slid my hands over her silken thighs, parting them and settling her so she straddled me.She pulled back, gasping. “Is this okay?”“Fucking yes, it’s okay.” I pressed my mouth to her neck, licking up the damp, elegant column of her throat. “It’s fucking perfect.” I murmured. “You’re so perfect for me, Haze. And I’m such an idiot. Everything that has happened, it only made you stronger, but not me… I got weak.”She grabbed my face, holdi
A vow of hate CHAPTER 164
Valerie’s feet kicked in excitement as we turned down the street. I smiled at her in the rearview mirror.“Daddy waiting!” she crowed.I felt both excitement and trepidation as I pulled into the driveway. I wanted to come home so much, yet I was afraid of what was going to happen when we were alone. Would Christian continue moving forward, or would our presence once again cause him to slide backward? Once he got over the initial pleasure of seeing his child, would he again find her, and me, more of a bother? I wasn’t sure I could take it if that happened. I couldn’t watch the man I love disappear into the shell he used to be. But a small voice in my head kept telling me he wouldn’t. The gifts, the notes, the calls, and texts from him were all sent by the man I loved. He had made sure I knew how sorry he was feeling and how hard he was working to come back to us. He even opened up and expressed his worries, finally letting me know the depth of his fears. Finally letting me understand w
A vow of hate CHAPTER 163
HAZELChristian lifted his face from my neck, his eyes red, his cheeks damp. I had never witnessed him break down that way. The rare occasions when he cried, he still held himself in check, his pride unable to allow even me to fully see his pain. I grabbed the tissues Maddox had dropped beside us and wiped Christian’s face, cupping his cheeks. “Hey,” I whispered, looking up at him from where I crouched between his legs. “I guess I lost the last piece of my man card with that display,” he mumbled.“I doubt it. Maddox was openly weeping before you even finished walking, and Mia had to leave the room.” He frowned in confusion. “Why?” “They’re as proud of you as I am, Christian.” “Where are they?” “Maddox made sure you were back in your chair, and they left. I heard the car driving away, so I assumed they left to give us some privacy.” He looked down, surprised. “I have no recollection of being moved.” I softened my voice. “You were pretty emotional.”
A vow of hate CHAPTER 162
Hazel loved the spa. She sent pictures of them all enjoying the treatments, sipping champagne, even funny ones of Valerie getting a baby massage and having her toes done with the girls, holding up a glass of apple juice. They made me smile, even as my heart ached. I sent flowers to the hotel for Hazel. I added a box of her preferred chocolates. When she went back to mom and Grandpa’s, I sent a chef to make her favorite meal. A basket of bath products to indulge her love of soaking in the tub. I sent it with a stuffed bear, fluffy and cute with a card attached, reading: "Snuggle this until you’re home. I’ll take his place when you’re ready. All my love—Your Christian". One night, lying in our bed alone, I turned on some music. I shut my eyes and listened as the soothing voice of Neil Diamond played in the darkness. A song came on, and for some reason, the lyrics hit me as they never had before. “The Story of My Life” spoke of the depth of his love for the woman in his life
