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CHAPTER 11
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A vow of hate CHAPTER 12
I broke down in tears when I finally saw my mom again. It had been almost three weeks, and that was by far the longest I had ever gone without seeing her. She was in her own private room; just like Christian said, and she looked a bit better. Sunlight speared through the sterile white blinds , dancing on the floor with specks of dust. Her bald head was covered with a beanie, she had her eyebrows drawn in with a pencil, but her cheeks were fuller, and she wasn’t as pale as the last time I saw her.“How’re you feeling, mom?” I asked, wiping the snot from my nose with a paper towel. “A lot better,” she answered, looking at me worriedly.“You do look good,” I mused, “Christian’s team…they seem to be working harder than your other doctors.” I added in a low voice, more to myself than to her.A faint smile graced my mother’s lips causing the familiar crinkling at the corners of her eyes to appear. I tried not to be sad at the sight of them, it felt good to see her and all the lines and eve
A vow of hate CHAPTER 13
I was hanging out with Sarah and Mia today, and my nerves were at an all time high. I knew I was married to Christian but spending a whole afternoon with his mother and sister without him there seemed like such a big leap. I couldn’t stop worrying about all the possibilities. Like what if I said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing? What if I strayed from whatever perfectly crafted script Christian had already given them? What if they didn’t like me? I wondered if they hated me the way Christian did, and what if this was just one of the many ways he planned to torture me? I spent the drive to the restaurant biting my nails and sighing at interval, and willing the red light to take longer to switch to green, much to the concern of the driver who kept throwing me worried glances from the front mirror. The driver was one more thing I was worried about; what if Sarah and Mia thought I was pretentious? I had insisted I would drive myself or catch a cab but the driver insisted that Christ
A vow of hate CHAPTER 14
“I’m sorry,” Mia apologized as she sniffed again.“It’s okay, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you about it.” I apologized instead. “No, I’m good. It’s fine.” She insisted, “just give me a second.”I nodded sympathetically and waited for her to collect herself, and when she was done, she took a small sip of her pineapple juice and continued. “It took some time for Christian to open up to us, but he eventually did. He said he had fallen in love with her, and that much was obvious to us. He said he was sure she loved him back, she had told him that herself, and he had believed her. He gave her everything, worshipped her even. I’d never heard my brother talk about a woman the way he did about her. I could see the love he felt for whoever this mystery woman was even though he was speaking with so much pain.”“You never met her?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer to that question.Mia shook her head. “We never did. He didn’t think we would accept her, and he might’ve been r
A vow of hate CHAPTER 15
Mark kept driving crazily, ignoring my pleas for him to slow down. We were driving into some shady streets I’d never seen before, and the fear pulsing through me was threatening to break my veins open. I tried to discreetly unlock my phone and dial 911 or something, but I wasn’t discreet enough, because Mark swore under his breath and reached out his hand to the back and snatched my phone before I could even react.“You fucking bitch.” He swore, throwing me a deadly look.“Mark please, we can talk this out. Please slow down, you’re scaring me. Please.” I begged, and as expected, it all fell on deaf ears.“Shut up!” He spat, causing me to shrivel back into my seat.The car came to an abrupt halt in a dirty alley. My heart was pounding loudly in my chest. Mark got out of the car and slammed the door shut, and then he came to my side and opened the door. “Get out,” he ordered.I scrambled out of the car, almost falling flat on my face but Mark grabbed my arm before I could hit the ground
A vow of hate CHAPTER 16
I spent the rest of the ride home silently crying in the back seat. Dennis kept flashing his eyes back to me every other second, till I quietly told him to focus on the road ahead of us. I was visibly shaking by the time we were twenty minutes away from home, and I had to spend the rest of the ride trying to get myself together. I couldn’t let anyone else see me in such a state. I knew Dennis’ resolve was breaking, and I just prayed he wouldn’t cave and say anything to Christian. “Dennis?” I called out to him when we pulled into the winding driveway.He slowly turned to face me. “You’ll keep your promise, won’t you?” I asked, holding on to the tiniest glimmer of hope.He gave me a single nod.“Thank you,” I whispered and got out of the car, and toward the house. I took a deep breath and hoped Christian, Valerie and Tina would all be out of the way so that I could quietly sneak into my room and spend the rest of the night there. But I was never one to be lucky, because the second I op
A vow of hate CHAPTER 17
We were going to a fundraiser tonight.That was all that was written on the small note that I found in my room this morning, and before I could go downstairs to find Christian and ask why he was just telling me about it at the last minute, Tina informed me that he was already gone. I ate breakfast alone with Valerie, silently cursing out Christian in my head. And by the time the afternoon rolled by, a thousand people that I didn’t know were in the house. One group was rolling suitcases in, another was bringing in racks and racks of clothes, and shoes. There was such an insane flurry of activity, and before I could blink, my butt was firmly planted in front of the vanity in my uncomfortably large dressing room. We still had five hours before the fundraiser, and when I made this fact known to the stylists and hairdressers hovering all around me, they graciously let me know that these things usually took that long. And boy, were they right!My hair was washed and blow dried, even though
A vow of hate CHAPTER 18
As we entered the grand ballroom adorned with crystal chandeliers and lavish decorations, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the sheer opulence surrounding me. Even the lighting didn’t seem ordinary, it was brightly lit, but at the same time, dim. I couldn’t figure out how they even made that happen. Conversation floated all around the room just as easily as the waiters did with their trays of expensive looking champagne flutes. Men stood in groups, whispering to each other in hushed tones, each one wearing custom made suits. Women were dressed in the most expensive dresses I had ever seen, and each one had the glistening rocks laying pretty on their necks and fingers. I mentally thanked the stylist for not letting me have my way when I wanted to take off the diamond necklace. I stayed close to Christian, suddenly feeling out of place. I shouldn’t be here, I didn’t belong with all these people. And even though I was wearing a dress that was just as expensive as the others, I wor
A vow of hate CHAPTER 19
It took me about ten minutes to locate the bathroom. Once inside, I turned on the faucet and cupped some of the water and lifted it towards my face, but one look in the mirror reminded me that I had a full face of makeup that I couldn’t destroy if I didn’t want to spend the rest of the night looking like a raccoon. I sighed wearily and stared at my reflection in the mirror. “You’ve got this, Hazel, you’ve got this. Don’t let those rich snobs get to you.”It was easier said than done though. They were quick to evaluate me like a lab rat even though no one said anything to me other than a brief hello. It was amazing to me how many women asked what drink I was having and if my bloated tummy was from the spaghetti or pregnancy. And although I was never one to be self conscious about my appearance, I could feel my skin getting hot under my dress as they were examining me.They don’t matter. I whisper to myself and roll my shoulders back. Then I touch up my lipstick and exit the bathroom.I
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A vow of hate EPILOGUE
CHRISTIAN & HAZEL I chuckled as the doctor squirted the gel on Hazel’s tummy, making her squirm. Hazel always reacted to the cold. I kissed her and watched as the wand moved back and forth, and the image became clearer. “There’s your baby.” The doctor, Suzanne smiled, clicking and measuring. I held my breath as she turned on the sound, and I heard the heartbeat. The odd noise filled the room, the fast, steady sound like music to my ears. “You’re sure you want to know the sex?” “Yes!” Hazel and I exclaimed. “It’s a girl,” Suzanne announced. I laughed. “I’m surrounded. My own little harem.” Hazel’s eyes were focused on the screen. She tilted her head, looking confused. “It all looks good…” Suzanne’s voice trailed off. I frowned at the subtle change in the noise. It was faster, like an echo of itself, the strumming continuous. “Well, look who’s been hiding,” Suzanne mused and glanced over at us. She grinned and winked at me. “You did good, Christian.” She peered at the screen in
A vow of hate CHAPTER 169
HAZELI crawled into bed with Christian, snuggled into his side, and rested my head on his chest. He groaned as he shifted.“Are you all right?” I asked, worried that I had hurt him.He nodded. “Colin warned me that getting the sensation back in my legs was going to hurt. He’s fucking right.”Between rushing after Valerie, walking for everyone, moving around the house with his walker, and sitting on Valerie’s bed as he read to her for over an hour, I knew he was exhausted. But when I asked if he was ready to sleep, he said he wasn’t. I felt the same way too. Mentally, I was still wide awake. “Do you want some pain killers?”“No. As weird as it sounds, I want to feel it. I never thought I would get to this point, so aches and all, I’m going to go with it.”I laughed softly. “You’re right, Christian. You are weird.”He dragged her up his chest,causing a little gasp of surprise to escape me.“You wanna help me forget about the aches, Hazel?” he murmured in my ear, biting my lobe. “Make m
A vow of hate CHAPTER 168
The room around me buzzed with activity. Voices, people moving, talking to me, trying to get my attention. I held my breath, scared that if I even so much as breathed, I would miss something important.My focus was on one thing. The doctor examining Valerie. I had insisted, and finally Hazel relented, seeing how upset I was about her. My wife glanced up, smiling as she lifted Valerie to her shoulder. She tilted her chin, letting me know everything was okay. A fact that she was certain of, but I needed to be sure. She handed Valerie over to me and escorted the doctor out and I relaxed, pressing a kiss to my daughter’s head. She looked up, wrinkling her nose.“Hi, Daddy.” “Hey, baby girl.” She patted my hand. “Boo-boo better,” she cooed. “Good.” “Yeah, Daddy feels better.” I brushed a curl off her face. “How did you know?” She pushed on my cheek with her tiny finger. “You Daddy again. You smile.” I dropped my head, pressing kisses all over her sweet little fa
A vow of hate CHAPTER 167
I had never tried to comfort a person still caught between being a young man and a grown-ass adult. I had never reached out and been the role model.It was another lesson I was learning.Dennis was emotional. Filled with apologies. Begging for forgiveness. Once I broke through his stuttering words and barely held-back sobs, I set him straight.“What happened was not your fault. You didn’t put me in this wheelchair, Dennis. None of it is your doing. You need to stop blaming yourself.”“I can’t.”“You can. Get some help. I’ll ask Randy to take you on. He is an amazing person to help you sort things out and get your head straight.” I barked out a laugh. “If he can handle my shit, he can help you.”“But he’s here.”“Yes,” I agreed. “Which is where you need to be. You have a life waiting here for you, Dennis. A job you’re good at. Friends. Family.” I huffed out a breath. “Don’t let that day define you. Move past it.”“The guilt,” he said quietly. “It holds me hostage. That I’m walking arou
A vow of hate CHAPTER 166
I grabbed her hips, guiding her. Pushing her up and pulling her back down. She sobbed my name, her back arching as her release washed through her. I watched as she lost herself in the moment. I had forgotten how beautiful she was in her release. The way her entire frame shuddered. How she bit her lip and lowered her chin as if sinking into the feeling. The breathiness of my name falling from her lips. And how it felt when her muscles fluttered, tightened around me, taking all I had—giving me so much more.My body strained, the urge to thrust and grind against her eclipsing everything else. An orgasm hit me, obliterating everything in its path. I saw stars, the ecstasy was so great. I opened my mouth in a soundless scream, and somewhere, deep inside, I felt a flex, the pinching of muscles not used for so long now gripping, then vanishing as fast as they had engaged. A long, agonized sound escaped as my entire being surrendered. The pain, the pleasure, the sweet torture of it all.Hazel
A vow of hate CHAPTER 165
CHRISTIANThe taste and feel of my wife chased away the last lingering remnants of my dream. Hazel wasn’t walking away. She was right here, with me, in my arms.Right where she should be.I kissed her deeply, seeking out her tongue with mine, stroking hard and deep. Reclaiming her mouth. Reclaiming her. I yanked her tight to my chest, pulling off the towel she had draped around her body. I pushed down the blanket that covered me, needing to feel her. I dragged her over my lap, groaning at the feel of her weight pressing down on me. Still kissing her, I slid my hands over her silken thighs, parting them and settling her so she straddled me.She pulled back, gasping. “Is this okay?”“Fucking yes, it’s okay.” I pressed my mouth to her neck, licking up the damp, elegant column of her throat. “It’s fucking perfect.” I murmured. “You’re so perfect for me, Haze. And I’m such an idiot. Everything that has happened, it only made you stronger, but not me… I got weak.”She grabbed my face, holdi
A vow of hate CHAPTER 164
Valerie’s feet kicked in excitement as we turned down the street. I smiled at her in the rearview mirror.“Daddy waiting!” she crowed.I felt both excitement and trepidation as I pulled into the driveway. I wanted to come home so much, yet I was afraid of what was going to happen when we were alone. Would Christian continue moving forward, or would our presence once again cause him to slide backward? Once he got over the initial pleasure of seeing his child, would he again find her, and me, more of a bother? I wasn’t sure I could take it if that happened. I couldn’t watch the man I love disappear into the shell he used to be. But a small voice in my head kept telling me he wouldn’t. The gifts, the notes, the calls, and texts from him were all sent by the man I loved. He had made sure I knew how sorry he was feeling and how hard he was working to come back to us. He even opened up and expressed his worries, finally letting me know the depth of his fears. Finally letting me understand w
A vow of hate CHAPTER 163
HAZELChristian lifted his face from my neck, his eyes red, his cheeks damp. I had never witnessed him break down that way. The rare occasions when he cried, he still held himself in check, his pride unable to allow even me to fully see his pain. I grabbed the tissues Maddox had dropped beside us and wiped Christian’s face, cupping his cheeks. “Hey,” I whispered, looking up at him from where I crouched between his legs. “I guess I lost the last piece of my man card with that display,” he mumbled.“I doubt it. Maddox was openly weeping before you even finished walking, and Mia had to leave the room.” He frowned in confusion. “Why?” “They’re as proud of you as I am, Christian.” “Where are they?” “Maddox made sure you were back in your chair, and they left. I heard the car driving away, so I assumed they left to give us some privacy.” He looked down, surprised. “I have no recollection of being moved.” I softened my voice. “You were pretty emotional.”
A vow of hate CHAPTER 162
Hazel loved the spa. She sent pictures of them all enjoying the treatments, sipping champagne, even funny ones of Valerie getting a baby massage and having her toes done with the girls, holding up a glass of apple juice. They made me smile, even as my heart ached. I sent flowers to the hotel for Hazel. I added a box of her preferred chocolates. When she went back to mom and Grandpa’s, I sent a chef to make her favorite meal. A basket of bath products to indulge her love of soaking in the tub. I sent it with a stuffed bear, fluffy and cute with a card attached, reading: "Snuggle this until you’re home. I’ll take his place when you’re ready. All my love—Your Christian". One night, lying in our bed alone, I turned on some music. I shut my eyes and listened as the soothing voice of Neil Diamond played in the darkness. A song came on, and for some reason, the lyrics hit me as they never had before. “The Story of My Life” spoke of the depth of his love for the woman in his life
