3

PAIGE

I take advantage of the weekend without Owen to pick up extra shifts and increase my pay at the end of the month. I'm saving up because I know I can't live with Jo forever. Owen and I need to become independent.

On Monday, during my second class, Jo sends me a message letting me know that Ashton has just dropped Owen off at daycare. I have another twenty free minutes, so I use them to try and locate (this time without a map) the cafeteria. I think I remember the way and turn onto the streets of the campus that I recall. There's a coffee machine in the faculty lounge, but sometimes during these downtime moments, a proper coffee would be nice, one that doesn't taste like stale water.

I push the door to the cafeteria, the warmth envelops me, and finally, I can stop walking hunched over in my sweatshirt and jacket. I get in line; I've seen several classmates with coffees in class, and I can down one in the ten minutes I have left. I wait for about two minutes when I feel someone step up behind me, encroaching on my personal space. I turn my head slightly, and party boy gives me a graceful smile.

"Hey!" he says to me. "Paige, right?"

I nod slowly.

"Yeah, and..." I hesitate. What was his name again?

"Samuel," he responds.

"Right, sorry, first week and lots going on."

He smiles and runs a hand through his military-style haircut.

"No problem, but I didn't see you at the party. No worries though, we're having another one this weekend. The fraternity's open for whenever you want to attend."

I nod again. I'm used to people looking me straight in the eyes; I know they're nice, I know they're beautiful, but I've never quite gotten used to it. He continues to gaze at me intently, and gradually, I start to turn away when I hear him laugh and he raises his hands.

"Sorry, it's just... You have incredible eyes."

"Yeah, I've been told," I reply.

I move forward in line, and he follows behind me. He doesn't stop the conversation there, and we keep talking even after we've each ordered a coffee. I'm on my way to my faculty, and I'm not sure if he knows it, but talking to him isn't so bad, and he seems like an intelligent guy besides being very handsome.

"Where are you headed? Because I'm already at my faculty," I interrupt.

He waves his hand and swivels his coffee cup without any hesitation, as if everything is inconsequential to him.

"No rush, I still have ten minutes. Unless you want to skip class."

Damn it. My hormones are telling me to skip class, it's pretty obvious what he wants, and I haven't had sex in months, and I have hormones. But no, I can't do it.

"I can't, I'm still getting used to classes, and I have a teacher who hates us, if I miss, I won't understand anything tomorrow."

Samuel grimaces and assures me that it's no big deal, that we'll see each other around campus soon. I bid him farewell with a wave, and when I tear my eyes away from his muscular body, I spot Ashton's girlfriend beyond him, glaring at me. She looks like she hates me, and I couldn't care less. I pass by, ignore her and everything else because I have enough with my own stuff.

After classes, a light rain has started, and I pull the hood of my sweatshirt up to make my way to the parking lot. I'm lost in my thoughts, hoping the rain doesn't get any heavier because that would delay me, and suddenly I feel a tap on my shoulder. I groan and look up, seeing that irritating blonde next to me. I don't know her, but I already hate her.

"I don't want you getting close to Ashton," she blurts out.

Excuse me? Who does she think she is? Is she always this invasive? They're made for each other.

"Okay, whatever," I mutter indifferently. I try to take a step, and that's when she grabs my arm tightly. I'm wearing a jacket and a sweatshirt, and I still feel her fingers wrap around me, trying to hurt me.

"No, I'm serious. Ash is mine, bitch."

Who the hell does she think she is? I squirm, and she tries to grip me even harder.

"Let go of me," I order.

"I know where you study, don't mess with me because you'll have to deal with me, slut. He's mine."

"Faye!"

That scream startles me too. She removes her hand from me and acts all innocent when Ashton approaches, stomping and looking like he wants to kill someone. Maybe he's not the most muscular guy, or the strongest, but he's intimidating. His expression and the way his tattoos peek out make him look tough...

"We're just talking, Ash," she says with a stupid voice. "Right?"

"Screw you," I shout. I just want to leave; I didn't even know he studied here, I didn't know he had a girlfriend, and I don't know anything about him besides how fertile he is.

"What the hell did I tell you?" he spits angrily. "Don't mess with me."

She rolls her eyes and reaches out to touch him, but he's rough like an animal.

"Come on, it doesn't matter, let's go to your apartment," she purrs.

I watch him run a hand through his hair. I roll my eyes and adjust my backpack to avoid him, continuing to walk to my car. I hear them arguing for a few seconds, and I couldn't care less. And then he has the nerve to tell me I can't talk to Samuel because he's a jerk? His girlfriend is crazy!

I toss my backpack onto the back seat, and the car heater takes a while to start. I have to press the buttons a few times for it to work, and it's not until halfway through the drive that the car warms up. I go through my routine, and when I'm ready to go to work, I spend some free time with Owen at daycare. He's fine, although whenever he comes out of Ashton's hands, he's dressed in very dark colors.

"Your dad wants you to be goth," I tell him, and he just laughs.

Class assignments have started coming in, so I can't play with him as much, but it's nice having him resting in my lap while Liv (Jo's older sister) lets me use her desk in the office to do my tasks.

"What are you doing?" she asks in her childish voice.

"Mom's homework."

Jo smiles at me from her desk beside mine and starts dragging her chair closer to us.

"Do you know that guy...?" she starts.

Uff... Yeah, I know that guy. Jo's been talking about him for two months since she met him on I*******m. To me, he seems like another Ashton; sleeps with you, gets you pregnant, and I'm lucky because he recognized Owen, but there are worse ones out there.

"Yeah..." I urge her to continue, still focused on my tasks.

"He's going to be at a place this Saturday. And I thought that..."

"I have Owen."

"Liv can take care of him."

I've been out very few times since I had Owen, Liv has already taken care of him some nights when Jo and I wanted to do something fun, and it would be nice to have a night out like a person my age.

I drop my pen, and Jo looks at me with a pleading puppy face. She pouts and clasps her hands under her chin.

"But if you decide to go with that jerk, I'm going home. And just on Saturday."

She smiles and tucks her red-dyed hair away from her face. She lets out a little squeal and lunges at me, wrapping her arms around my neck. She smells like little kids, and Owen laughs in my lap.

"Great! It'll be a great night," she assures me and messes up Owen's hair.

"Yeah, it'll be fine," I tell myself.

It's been months since I've been out, and the truth is, I need to feel my age. I love my son, being a mother is something I love now, and it's something that has made me mature, but it consumes me, and sometimes I wish I had more time for myself.

The internal dilemmas I always have when deciding to go out are quickly resolved because I leave at night and come back in the morning, so I can spend the same amount of time with Owen. Last year I worked full-time from morning until late, and I wanted weekends to take care of Owen myself. Now I have a little more time for him, and although this new routine ends up exhausting me, I can't afford it. I'm a mother, a worker, and a student, and I can't afford to be exhausted for any of the three.

Luckily, Liv has no problem taking care of Owen on Saturday night again; she's thirty years old and has a five-year-old son who Owen plays with the few times she comes to see us at the apartment or when I go to her house. I'm very lucky to have her too, although it's not the same as having Jo. Jo is twenty-three years old, and I don't know if it's because our ages are closer or what, but Jo understands me like no one else. She's my non-sexual or romantic soulmate.

Now everything is easier than last year, although more hectic. The daycare closes at seven in the evening, and Jo takes Owen to the apartment, taking care of him for me until I get home from work at eleven. I drop my things in my room. The whole apartment is silent except for the TV in Jo's room, which she always leaves on when she falls asleep. I turn it off and tuck her in with her sheet before going to see Owen. He's calm in his crib with his blanket covering him, and I can stay looking at him for almost half an hour. Everything I do is for him, because if I give up, I'll have to go back to my parents' house, and they'll take him away from me, or Ashton will. I can't let any of that happen.

The next morning, I wake up when Owen is crying an hour before my alarm goes off. I lay on the couch with him to give him his breakfast, and he curls up in my lap again to rest. He's in that phase of crying and complaining about everything, but I'm lucky he doesn't do it very often, and I'm lucky he hasn't insisted on seeing Ashton and me.

—Mommy," he calls me.

—What's up, baby?

He stands up in my lap and falls against my chest, hugging me around the neck. His fingers get tangled in my hair, and he pulls, causing me some pain, but I don't complain and wrap him in my arms. He's so small...

"I love you."

I smile, and if I could, I would hug him much tighter until he melts into me. I love him. Owen is the best thing I have.

"I love you too."

He's a bit clingy with me, and I love it because it makes me feel like I'm a good mother. He doesn't move away from me while I make my breakfast. I hold him with one arm, and he leans against my shoulder, breathing softly. He's quite heavy for me, I have to adjust him about five times until I manage to get my coffee.

I'm sitting on the couch with him nestled against my chest, drinking my coffee when Jo wakes up.

"Good morning," I chirp.

Her red hair is tousled like a bird's nest, and she yawns, rubbing her eyes.

"I dreamed I was living in a cabin in the forest with a tropical atmosphere."

I laugh.

"Dreaming is free."

I hurry as much as possible to let Owen rest, but twenty minutes before my departure time, I have to leave him asleep on the couch with Jo and rush to get ready as fast as I can. I wash my face, run the comb through my boring brown, straight hair, and dress quickly in black jeans and a purple sweater that I find folded on the floor of my closet. I leave my room, sinking under the weight of my books and notes in my backpack, and rush to say goodbye to them. Owen has become lively again; he's running between the kitchen and the living room, and Jo encourages him to chase her.

"I'm leaving," I say goodbye and bend down to give him a kiss. "I love you, I'll see you later, okay?"

"Bye, mommy!" he brings his hand to his mouth and puckers his lips, blowing me a kiss.

That gives me encouragement for the rest of the day. Nothing spoils that feeling, not even Ashton's stupid girlfriend who looks at me from a distance with her group of friends. She points at me, and the four of them laugh. I have better things to worry about than a nest of vipers who know nothing about me, and I suppose nothing about Ashton either.