Tough questions and hurtful answers.

Jackson POV

Last night we both barely slept, and never in a million years did I think that this would be us after she finally came home.

But I know my wife inside and out, and something was different about her… and I feel shitty that I can not move past that.

Her cries kept me up last night, and  I could feel the pain she was going through, but I couldn't do anything to help her, not when she wouldn't be honest with me.

All I could think about is what this must be like for her right now because we had never gone through something like this before… not once in our love life.

 Sighing out my frustration, I sat up, resting my feet on the cold tiles, and shut my eyes when I felt the bed move beneath me.

Even though Jennie was awake, she said nothing, and I woke from the bed, headed into the bathroom, and locked the door behind me.

When I got into the shower, the noise of the doorknob turning a bit aggressively caught my attention, but I turned on the showerhead with a heavy heart. 

The rushing water could not calm the anger building up inside me as it beat my skin, and I took the shampoo.

As I was about to apply it to my hair, I heard a faint cry, and I stopped for a second to listen. 

This was our first fucked up marriage problem, and it broke my heart, to see her like this. 

Maybe I am just being an ass. That is what I want to believe. But I can't because it was Jennie. If it was anyone else, I would second guess my feelings. But not her, not the woman who was my first in everything.

Her gentle sobbing noise stabbed through my heart, and after I was done with my shower, I reached for the doorknob, and suddenly stopped, slowly losing my grip on it.

Listening to her soft cry, I never knew that the voice I loved could cause me this much heartache. 

When her sobbing finally died down, I opened the door, and to my surprise,  Jennie fell back because she was resting against it, and I immediately dropped to both my knees, catching her just in time to block her head from the fall.

"Ouch!" A faint cry slipped from my lips because of the pain that hit my bone when my knee landed on the tile, and I could feel a warm liquid rolling down my skin. But I ignored it, took Jennie off the floor, and carried her to our bed, laying her on the sheet.

"Don't turn your back to me, please," Jennie whispered as I was about to go into our closet.

With all the pressure from my feelings for her, I wanted to look into her eyes and tell her everything will be okay, but I just stood there, holding back my words.

"Your shoulder seems cold from that angle. It seems unreachable in my eyes and far away from my touch." Jennie whispered in a choked tone.

How did she and I get to this point, hurting each other like this?  I could feel the tears in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall because I didn't want to break down in front of her.

"Why does this spark in your eyes seem dull to me? Why are your lips pale whenever I reach out for a kiss? How can those hands be stiff when holding me? You don't love me the way you used to." Jennie whispered.

Her words kind of provoked me, so I got on the bed and claimed her lips gently, and she kissed me back slowly as if she were savoring every moment, and I was just going with it for a while.

But it wasn't long before I withdrew from Jennie because my thoughts would not let me, and I just wasn't feeling anything.

"Are you satisfied now? Is your guilt relieved?" I blurted out, feeling pissed immediately at my shitty behavior.

Shortly, she released her grip on me and drew back with a look of anger in her eyes, lashing out, "Are you going to punish me based on your speculation that I did something wrong while I was absent from your life?"

Seeing how mad she was, I wanted to comfort her. but I couldn't because I was feeling hurt. And it was not my intention to make things worse by saying something dumb and making it seem like I cared more about my feelings than hers… I mean I still care, but I did want it to come out that way.

"You don't get to tell me that you love me and hurt me in this manner! Jackson, it's not right, and you know it!" Jennie yelled. 

She was crying her eyes out in front of me and I didn't know what to do. I had seen tears fall from her eyes countless times before but this time they weren't for herself, they were because of me.

"I am going to work. Do not wait for me. I don't think it is a wise choice for me to come home soon." I said, leaving the bed.

In that instant, my wounded knee slammed into the nightstand and I yelled, "Damn it!"  

Immediately, Jennie rushed by my side, beside the bed, her hands shaking. For a while, she stared at me with wide eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her lips trembled as she tried to speak, "You are bleeding!" 

trying hard to hold it together, her body trembled uncontrollably, and all I could do was look at her moist eyes.

At that second, I couldn't even muster up the strength to speak because everything had happened so fast.

"Does it hurt? Is it painful? Wait, I will get the first aid kit!" Jennie cried, staring at my knee.

Maybe I was just overreacting and I don't know my wife like I thought I did. But then again, my mind wouldn't let me believe those words, even though my heart was in control.

For a moment, I stared at her worried face and smiled, and even though I still believed that something was off about her, I felt my anger subside.

"I will get the first aid kit," Jennie said, turning away from me. 

But I hugged onto her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder, and whispered, "Don't go. Let's stay like this for a few minutes."

"You will be late for work," Jennie said beneath her breath. "Don't you hate that?"

"Ummm, that's okay," I replied, striving to turn off the part of me that still didn't believe her.