The Lost Handkerchief

                                                   Chapter 4

I saw her. I certainly did. I am sure of it. I saw her with my own two eyes, without wearing my specs.

             She is walking towards the door. The automatic door of the company.

            This is surreal. I saw the thick pink folder she’s holding. We are in the same department. We are both in the marketing department. The company population is so vast, I barely noticed anyone other than Lisha. This is so comedic. She works in the same company as me.

            She goes to the comfort room.

           I will follow her; even in the fiery pits of hell.

          Hiraya tailed the girl and entered the nearby washroom, too, silent with her footsteps. She is wearing flats after all.

            Mirror. She will do a retouch, I guess. She should do a retouch, too, for her bad attitude.

            “You saw us, didn’t you?” that bitch is talking. She said it so loud that it looks like she want the world to know what she did with my boyfriend.

            This bitch is not talking to me, right? Is she used to talking to strangers? She’s got guts.

            Hiraya pretended to not hear anything, opening her faded bag to make herself look like she is looking for something, a cliché strategy to avoid this kind of impending confrontation. She can feel that something is going to happen today. Her insides are in turmoil, and she is having cold sweat.

            “I am talking to you. We are the only ones in this place. Can't you see? Are you blind?Are you dumb or mute? Don’t you know how to speak? Or your parents did not teach you consonants and vowels? Or even open your mouth? My goodness, you are such a slow rice. Even if you look awful, you should at least be smart. But I think that’s not the case.” she gets her lip gloss from her bag that costs my three-month salary.

            She is a good catch. He caught a big fish. Rich and pretty, she has it all, so is my boyfriend. He is poor, so maybe that is the reason? She is so rich so he came flirting with her all of a sudden?

            She said it so sarcastically. She is really getting on my nerves. What kind of upbringing did she had since childhood? She needs a beating.

            Hiraya did not dare to look her straight in the eye. Her heart beats frantically. She is becoming dizzy, everything is turning blurry in her sight..

          I think I am going to faint; everything is becoming blurry. My panic disorder, do not appear now, I beg you. No, I should not faint; I should not show my vulnerability and weakness to this bitch. If I do, that goes that I am the loser in this game. No, I would not accept that. I would never, ever, accept that, even in my entire life.

         “Well, I am sure that you are dumb, aside from being a lousy woman.”

          She said while damping the powder cautiously on her face. This woman should at least talk to someone facing the person she is talking to, to show courtesy. She lacks something in other ways, and that includes manners. She is not perfect.

         “I know I am being tailed, and I had the gut feel that it is you. A woman who always wear the same style of clothes everyday, and make her hair into a bun. Your sense of style does not change. I have been observing you since day one. I pity you. Well, I guess this is the right time to have a straightforward talk with you. I will cut to the chase; no sugar coatings; I do not do sugar coatings to people I am not fond of. I am being considerate here, to tell that you are loving and hanging out with an unfaithful man. A faithful man won’t budge even if a beautiful woman is in front of him; he will curb his desires and turned his back away. Your boyfriend is not someone to be treasured. He is like most of men roaming around. I will dump him if I don’t want and adore him anymore. I get fed up easily and does not desire a man like him that highly. And, perhaps, I am not into passionate relationships. Men like that don’t deserve to be in a stable relationship.” she then proceeded to groom her eyelashes.

        She turned to Hiraya, finally, then smirked. A smirk that will turn even the most patient person to a feisty one.

       “I know you are there, and I kissed him to show it to you on purpose. I am a good kisser, aren't I? You should get some tips from me. I am a pro when it comes to those things; pleasing men that they won't get enough of me.”

       No, no, no. this is not happening.

       I am doing yoga every day, after work, to peaceful myself.  Traditional medicine says that yoga balances your inner energy for you to be more efficient and calmer; to direct your attention to things that matter the most. It does and will not not work this time. Maybe I should get another yoga instructor. There are many offers from the social media. I will browse for it later if the internet connection is stable at home. It is at midnight or dawn, I am sure of it.

            Unbelievable. She’s got a terrible attitude. Who would dare to be imprudent?

            Hiraya is on the verge of breaking into tears.

            “We have been dating since last month. He told me so many things about you. I don’t remember it all, it is so many, so I will just summarize it.”

            What did he tell you?

            “He said you are a one-of-a-kind woman; easy to find, easy to keep. The popular saying is changed, I am not informed. Hahaha! It should be, “Easy to find, hard to keep. I found it amusing; maybe that is in connection with what he said that you are a one-of-a-kind woman. A woman that is easy to get and easy to be at your side, no chasing or whatsoever is needed to keep you. You will stay by his side whatever happens. That is what he is thinking all along.” she laughed out loud that it can be heard from the outside.

            Really? I did not know that he likes to talk about other people’s lives. I thought he is an introvert himself. He’s got secrets I do not know all this time. I am so dumb I did not notice some red flags. He is so good at pretending to be nice.

           So his smiles, hugs, and kisses are all fake?

            “Well, he just told me that you are cute, but a boring woman. Late night talks felt interesting for him at first, but it bore him to death after some time, but he cannot afford to tell you that, because you are always a cry baby. A cry baby who whines about every single thing you encounter. It is depressing to talk to you. You are too monotonous and conventional; you lack thrill that keeps men going. You resist having sex with him; just letting him give you smack on your lips, and whenever you have your bouts of depression, you won’t brush your teeth, take a bath, groom yourself. You even go for a week without washing yourself. He is also a man, who loves groomed and fragrant women. You cannot make a man stay by your side if you look and smell awful. Whether a man is rich, poor, short, tall, or whatever characteristic a man has, he will go for some woman who can afford to take care of herself, and that also will mean that you can take care of others, including your man. You are not that kind of person, lest a woman.”

            She looked at me head to toe, like I am someone who she critiques. I feel like I am stared like a piece of a bizarre artifact from a museum.

            “Look at you. You look like a widower, or a laundrywoman. The way you dress is so-so, and you reek of sweat. You won’t even bother to apply a powder to improve your oily face. Your pores are so big, it looks disgusting. I now understand why he left you. I cannot blame him. If I am him, I would never have a relationship with you, ever. ”

            She goes back to re-applying her blush-on and eyeshadow. I tried to practice applying some makeup in the past, but my hands are unsteady, and it always came out as a mess, then I gave up after so many tries. She is an expert at makeup; she could pass as an artist who is in-charge of television stars.

             She cannot take it anymore; she cannot afford to hear any more criticisms.

            Hiraya bumped into her and pushed her hard. When she fell into the floor, she bowed down and slapped her face, hard. Intentionally. With all Hiraya's might. Her applied eyeshadows she did a while ago is totally ruined; she already looks like a woman who just woke up a night before who forgot to remove her makeup before sleeping.

             Hiraya's temper got the best of her. It has been a long time since she waged a fight like this, and a woman, it is a first.

            She screamed piercingly to the ears.

            It is so annoying. I want to stitch her mouth shut.

            “You spiteful whore! Do you know how expensive this set of makeup is and how difficult it is to apply to my eyelids carefully? This is a limited edition one! I did a difficult bid to have this from an international store! This is a fancy brand, you brat! I did you a favour of letting you know how much of an ass your boyfriend is, and this is how you will pay me back? Come back here and I will pull all your body hair out!” she ran towards me while I hurriedly ran towards the door.

            She threw her high-heeled sandals at me. But I dodged it in an instant, I am a legend who dodge something while having a mental breakdown. She blabbered shit I cannot understand. She is speaking too much obscene words I am not familiar with. I only know a few curses, and I cannot respond with another one than the word bitch. Learning those kinds of words are a waste of time for a busy person like me who is earning a living.

            “I, Kate, the most stunning woman employee in this company, will make your life here like a living hell! You are going to regret doing this to me!”

            I will do something that will shock her. She will see how responsive I am to these likes of people.

            Hiraya raised her middle finger at Kate and whispered the magical spiteful word. She was stunned. Her mouth opened in awe.

            She came out of the bathroom, nearly tripping herself. Her sandals are now ripped.

            This is disappointing. I just bought this from an online shopping site that offered buy-one-take-one items. Now, I should buy another one. What a lucky day from the heavens.

           People are outside, like in queue in a famous restaurant. But this time, it is not the food that they love to have, but the story of another person. Some are laughing, others are whispering. 

           I instantly became famous. I want to be famous at one point of my life, but not this way.

            They heard us. People really want to eavesdrop to someone else’s conversation; they want to know every little thing about you. Knowing everything about you makes them feel like they have the upper hand, and have the mentality that they can criticize you whenever and wherever they want to.

            They see dirt in your clothes, point it out, and disapproved you.

            When in reality, they wear dirtier clothes than yours.

            I headed straight to our department to see our boss.

            “Boss, can I go home early today?”

            “Well, that’s a first. You handed in your reports late, and you want to go home early?”

            “Yes, Sir. I am not feeling quite well, and not in the mood to work. I think I need to rest. This month has the arduous tasks for me and it is very draining and overwhelming.

            I felt overwhelmed, yes. I don’t have anyone I can sincerely talk to here. Lisha, my best friend, is in another department. Their department is busy and she is in charge of promotional affairs of the company; I should not disturb her. Once we talk to each other, it feels like there is no stopping us. She loves to talk about everything.

          I need to breathe and refresh myself. I feel like dying right now. But I should not die, Mom will be sad. I do not want her to be sad.

            “Alright, alright, I got it. I will give you a two-day leave because your presentations gave our company a good credit. Our customers are very satisfied and applauded our services because of your presentations. I have to thank you for that. That leave is my gift to you. You said this request too late, and you did not hand any files for your leave. But I will be lenient because this is a first time.” her boss said with a smile.

            Her boss agreed with it, even if she submitted the files too late (which is a first) and indirectly stated that he won’t give her a raise, because she lacks something in her credentials: a masteral and doctoral degree. Other employees possess a masteral and doctoral degree, and were given a raise, even though their performance is poor. She just finished a humble baccalaureate degree, majoring in business and minoring in arts, that’s why her salary won’t be like the others, even if she is good in everything she does.

            What an expensive gift for my hard work. I am expecting a rise in my salary. But, whatever, I do not mind anymore. I don’t want to keep stressing about these things. I just want a good rest without anyone bugging me with company telephone calls.

            But I forgot that I should talk to someone immediately. I should talk to him. Now.

            Hiraya called her boyfriend to clarify things about their relationship.

            I am okay with doing compromise. I want to do some compromise to save our relationship. I love him so much and I should not lose him.

            Hiraya walked out the company door and hesitantly dialed her boyfriend’s number with her hands trembling that she almost dropped her phone.

            “Hello, Hiraya, my love, how are you? How are things going at work?”

            Hiraya did not dare to speak a single word.

            “Hiraya, hello? Are you still there?”

            Hiraya decided to speak.

            “My love, I already ate breakfast. By the way, love, may I ask where were you this morning?”

            The line became silent for a second.

            “Why you ask, Hiraya?”

            “Just because, I saw you in the streets. With another woman.”

            Hiraya’s boyfriend is at a loss for words.

            “Let us part ways, Paul. You can roam free with anyone you want. Take care of yourself and do not skip meals and stay late at night. It is bad for your heart illness.”

            The call got disconnected. Her boyfriend sent her a lengthy message, saying:

            “Hiraya, I am really sorry for what I had done to you, but I am is also a man, who wants attention and thrill. I have many desires and wants. I want my needs to be met. Our relationship is not working anymore, it kinda felt monotonous. You also became more unruly as years pass, and that turned me off. Hiraya, I am not the only reason why this relationship is shattered and ended up like this. We both are the reason why this relationship became a waste; and your loyalty and loving nature is not enough to sustain a relationship. I am a disloyal man, and Hiraya, you are too dull that I cannot take it anymore. You look like you already had many children. I just wanted you to know that I really loved you, but that is the past, so we both have to move on with own lives.”

            Hiraya had a complete mental breakdown; she dropped to the ground. She cried so loud that she is attracting the attention of bystanders.

            He did not even beg to take me back. I am unimportant for him, like a bag of trash.

            She panickly opened her bag to get her handkerchief. Her tears are dropping heavily and her specs are getting wet. She felt something is missing from her bag. She looked the inside of the bag intently, and she is dumbfounded.

           What a beautiful life for me.

            Her handkerchief is lost. Her only handkerchief all her life.