In this chapter you will find two different names. Daisy is Katie who is her secret name to keep her identity a secret and C.J. is Naomi. Yes you will find that they speak to each other in these names and there actual names but out in the open and where people can hear they will be their secret names.
Daisy (Also known as Katie)3 days post-surgery."Welcome back Miss White," the hospital's nurse says as she checks my dressings and fluids.I can't remember being transferred to the hospital bed. I can't remember anything from the moment I heard Nino tell me to stay awake. Every part of my body hurts so bad."My...baby" I whisper but my mouth feels like sandpaper."Your baby is perfectly fine honey. I heard you don't want to hear the sex of the baby from your friend who is waiting for you to wake up"I nod my head but the pounding in my head keeps going with the bright lights flickering in the room."Lights. Too-""I got it, honey." She says as she turns down the lights for me and adjusts some of my fluids to make me feel a little energised.A cup of water and a straw appears in front of me with C.J. holding it with tears in her eyes."I stuck to the plan. I managed to pay off the surgeon at the hospital over there to do what we needed to do but I can't stay long okay? I need to get
Antonio"Hello there handsome"I don't even look at the sultry, yet screechy voice that sat right next to me.In the last year and a bit, I haven't so much as touched another woman let alone stare after one.My living room in our wing has photos of my wife. It's become a small shrine for her.Some photos of her and her best friend, (I'm sure that they are more for my brother's sake on that one) it consists of some items of hers that I could never get rid of.I'm brought back to the moment when the woman snakes her fingers over my biceps which catches my attention."What?" I snap. I don't intend to but obviously, she doesn't see my wedding band on my finger or she's just a pure bitch with "Marry me money" on her forehead."Wondering if you're up for a good time tonight? I'm in town and it could be a lot of fun" she says touching my arm and running her long, blood-red nails down to where my belt is."I'm married," I say out of habit. Even when good-looking women try to seduce me, I'm ne
Daisy (Also known as Katie)"So I'm trying to plan for a party and I need some ideas" C.J. Says as she is most likely pacing in our home. I've just got off the bus to go and pick Clara up with 2 hours to spare so I nip into a shop and pick up the things that we need and then I do my usual routine of sitting on the beach with a decaf cup of tea.I started work a few weeks ago so I wasn't using my best friend's money all the time even though she does mind but I quite enjoy the pace of keeping my mind sort of active.When I had my little girl I went into a spiral of depression, I would only get out of bed to tend to Clara but it only got worse.I gained weight and I became a different person and no matter what tablets I went on I always felt like they weren't working.When she was 5 weeks old I was admitted and sectioned into a hospital with her and placed on evaluation after evaluation to see what was wrong with me.My outbursts, slow mood, stress, changes to my eating and sleeping and
AntonioI couldn't believe it.I couldn't stay seated throughout the whole flight. I waited on bated breath for my brother to phone back and say it was a mistake. A mistaken identity or some shit but when I showed up at the beach and saw C.J. With barely any colour on her face I knew."You lied! You fucking lied to me!" I shout to her. My brother gets on my way but I don't allow him to get too far in the way."I'm sorry! I'm sorry okay I had to.""No! No, you fucking didn't! I mourned my fucking wife with you and the whole family and you lied to me! You knew she was alive and you kept it from me! From everyone" I shout drawing attention to us."Calm the fuck down, man. Don't speak to her like that!" He says getting into my face and I respect him for protecting her. I managed to shower and shave, get sobered up and have an actual meal on the flight here but the nerves are settling in big time."Where is she?" I ask pinching the bridge of my nose.She points to the woman sitting on the
DaisyDaisy: Can you pick Clara up from nursery? I need to start talking now.A moment passes before her text comes through.C.J.: Of course. Go home. Get showered and I'll come home later with her. Be careful okay and take your meds when you get home.I hid my phone when I read her last message, but I knew he'd seen it. It doesn't take a genius to know he's seen it, as the phone seemed to be resting on my lap in full view of the chat."The house is a bit of a mess. I mean-" I try to explain as he pulls out of the beach carpark. I rang Clara's nursery to let them know it would be C.J. picking her up instead of me and they seemed fine with it."Princess it's fine. I want to see where you live for now" he says and I don't mention the fact that I can't go back to New York where I'll be eaten alive by everyone.I let his idea slide as I stand and keep a safe amount of distance between us. It's been nearly 15 months since I have seen him, that's 456 days without him and yes, I know it is m
Antonio"Daze?" I say trying to get a look at what's going on but I can't see anything. I don't even know if I can forgive her right now but the broken look in her eyes makes me want to hold her tightly to me. "I'm okay. I just remembered actually that I need...I need some things from the shop down the road...I, I won't be too long" She says and I can tell it's all bullshit but I won't call her out on it. If she 7#doesn't want to be around me then I will have to try harder soon to get her to see that we are a family and a family will always stick together. "Daisy" C.J. says but Max stops her when the front door closes. "So this is my niece?" Max says as he approaches Clara, taking her little hand in his."It is. This is my princess" I say snuggling myself into her neck and tickling her with my beard which makes her laugh. She's got such a beautiful, carefree laugh that I just can't stop the tears from falling."What's wrong with Daisy?" Max asks and then I remember she left. "I-""
DaisyI run like there's no tomorrow. I didn't want to stay in there and watch as my world came crashing down.I remember what my therapist told me the moment I slowed down."Write down your thoughts and feelings. Give yourself a meaning to believe that everything will work out the way you want it to""Good fucking words doc" I cry. The waves crash against the rocks next to the pier. That feeling you get when you feel like your whole world is falling apart just as you get everything together again.I don't blame Antonio for wanting nothing to do with me. I guess his life is changing now and no matter what he wants, he's got to have me a part of it.I guess I could just move into my own place, he can have Clara when he wants but I refuse to give him full custody of her.I may not be stable sometimes and I may need that little bit of help but I am a good mom!I repeat that mantra in my head while I listen and watch as the waves continuously crash against the rocks."I was told I'd find
Antonio I watch as Clara eats her food. My mind and body are just observing the way she doesn't bother with who is around her but she is quick to watch Daisy's movements. I understand why she did it, why she changed her name and moved and I want to phone my mother and father. Inform them of everything that's happened but my gut is telling me to wait a while so that Daisy can get used to having me around again. Standing at the kitchen Island, I watch her with our daughter...just waiting for her to finish so I can help with bedtime and watch over her so my wife can sleep. Max and C.J. have gone out for the night and he told me he would be booking them into a hotel with some of our men standing guard for protection. "You ready for your bath baby?" Daisy asks Clara as she clears her food away. I don't move, I don't think the shock of everything happening has worn off yet."Dada" she squeals "Dada bath." She says as she sticks her arms out to me. "Hi Princess," I say extending my arms o
Daisy"So what's all of this, then?" C.J. asks me as she puts some books to the side. It's all I ever wanted to do. Since I was a little girl, I have wanted to plan my own wedding and be a working wife. I want to live a normal everyday life and give back to people who deserve it.I'm still planning my wedding. It's been 6 weeks since I came back to the manor. Antonio's parents left weeks ago but I still FaceTime his mom who has become another mother figure to me. I don't call them by their names, they started as Mr and Mrs Rosa but now it's just mom and dad. As weird as that sounds, they spoke with Nino about it beforehand and because I had been through quite a lot and coming out of it slowly with their support as well as everyone else here, they assumed I would benefit from having parental relationships with them and I was such an emotional mess when they bought it up."Well, I've been doing my assignments and spending so much time at the park on the grounds with Clara these days whi
Antonio "You look good these days," my mom says as she stands beside me at the kitchen counter. Over the last week, I've managed to get Daisy all packed up in her apartment and settled in here. She's been spending a lot of time doing online classes for mental health, learning new things, and exploring different ways to manage her own issues while trying to get a degree for herself."Yeah. I've actually got something to tell you," I explain. My mother and father are going back to Italy this coming weekend. Now that the new year has passed, I need to explain what will be happening in the next couple of months."Go on?""Me and Daisy are getting Married" I explain as I sift through the cupboards to get Clara her snack. It's currently snowing outside and she has been making snow angels and snow princesses as Daisy called it all morning."I'm- well I hate to break it to you honey but- you're already married" she laughs. When we got back here my mother took it upon herself to take Daisy a
DaisyI submit to him.I let him take me the way I wanted him to take me.I let myself submit to what I know I want, and deep down, everything is perfect at this very moment.I want to believe it will stay like this, but my mind doesn't go to that place. Right now, though, it's gone to a blissful place called 'Orgasm land,' and I can't for the life of me bring myself to care about much else."One more for me princess" "I can't- I""Give me one more Daze! One. Fucking. More" he grunts out as he leans over me and rubs my clit like a man possessed and I can't help it. My body even though it feels spent and achy, gives him another orgasm."Good girl." He whispers in my ear while biting the curve of it. The sensation making me milk his orgasm right out of him."Shot, Nino we didn't use a condom" I gasped out. I don't want to sound like a shitty person but the last time we didn't use a condom I ended up with Clara- and not that I will ever regret my little girl but it took its toll out on
Antonio With the bath running and Daisy holding herself back, I'm tired of wanting her to see what I see, so I take her hand and pull her further in.The bath isn't big enough for both of us, but I want her to enjoy a soak while I find something to make her so we can watch some TV in bed before I go home and watch over my daughter.Our daughter.Once she's in the bath I take myself out of the bathroom so she doesn't feel nervous about undressing in front of me. Not that she should be nervous. She's still my fucking wife. She's still the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on and she will see that by the end of tonight."You good?" I ask through the door.Her contented sigh and a simple "Yes" is what settles my mind. I know she has problems and I know she's had to face such shit since she left New York the last time but this feels like it can be fixed.Not everything is unfixable and not everything is as easy as tossing money to the situation I know but I want her to feel like
Daisy "You gotta help me here Daze," Antonio says as he takes my hand and leads me back to the sofa. The truth is...I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost and I've spent every waking moment trying to find myself again, trying to find the person I once was and that's my issue. I'm not that person anymore and I don't think I ever will be. I want to believe that everything happens for a reason and only kind, it does but at the end of the day, I never asked to get shot at. Twice might I add. Thank you. "I want to. I do but it's hard to. I've spent so many months alone even when I have had people around me. I hate it Antonio I hate it" I say, the tears streaming down my cheeks but every time I wipe them more fall and the more that fall the more I realise how I'm on the edge and the only way to get off this edge is to come clean about what's going on with me. I want to so badly to leave it all in the past, leave it where it's supposed to be but this past is following me to my fut
Antonio Christmas Day and there are smiles all around. Everything in me is trying my hardest to smile, I have my daughter here who is happily playing with her toys. She had no idea how hard it was when I assumed she wasn't here. She will never know the extent of how bad my pain was over the last year and I plan to make sure she has a brilliant life.Will want for nothing and will be a happy child having the childhood she deserves."You okay lad?" My dad asks me and I want to say no. I want to say that there is something...or rather someone missing and I know exactly who that someone is but at the end of the day, how do I bring it up with 18 of my family members present at the moment?She wants a divorce. She won't even look me in the eye. She has never been more fragile and lost before and I can't seem to bring myself to admit it. She needs me but I need her more. I need her like my life depends on it. I need to have her with me at all times just so I know she's okay but how do I ad
Daisy"What are we doing for Christmas D?" My best friend asks me from my smallish kitchen. It's been weeks since I stepped on Antonio's home grounds, I told him I didn't want our daughter around those women to which he told me his mother told him about the horrible shit they said to me and about Clara."What do you mean?" I ask. I don't actually want to tell her that I'm not going anywhere because then she would feel obligated to stay here with me when she could be having fun.When we moved back Max insisted on her living with him, again, I was super happy for her.And while I've been sitting here looking at papers that really do need my signature to send to Antonio I can't bear the thought of having someone else's happiness ruined because of me so I reply with everything that it takes to plaster a happy smile on my broken face."I actually have a night planned of watching movies and sorting through Clara's old clothes that don't exactly fit anymore" I laugh avoiding her eyes. I don'
DaisyIt is pretty quiet for a very lost soul right now. Nothing I looked at looked the least bit appetising for me right now. I didn't want to go and get Clara straight away. I didn't want to change myself being seen and stopped by Max or Antonio.I've never been here before and I'm glad I found it. My thoughts come to the surface and I let everything I have been thinking and feeling explode into the tears that I let fall.Getting off the bus here I assumed I'd feel lighter but the heaviness of the situation makes me feel worse. Weighted by all my problems.Sinking in water I didn't even realise was rising or am I drowning? I feel like I have a backpack on.A backpack full of bricks that's making me sink, like I'm struggling to catch the breath I keep gasping for. The water rose above my stomach, then my chest and not but not least my face.All these thoughts and nowhere to scream them out. I'm so in on my thoughts that I don't feel the calloused hand touch my skin. Looking up I fee
Antonio I watched as she walked out of that door. My world walked out scared shitless of me because I didn't even realise I had a hold of her arms. I don't think it was that tight but she refused to let me go with her. Refused to let me be around her in fear and that is something I don't ever want her to feel. "Man...what the fuck!" my brother shouts at me. I haven't had a moment where I can gather my bearings because the moment Daisy left her apartment he forgot who he was speaking to but I guess his mind isn't talking to the don, he's talking to his twin brother who fucked up."What do you want me to say? I fucked up? I don't even remember losing my temper with her. I don't even remember grabbing her. All I remember is coming to the now and having you both shouting at me so back the fuck off" I shout back at him. It isn't until he brings his phone up with a video of her shaking under my hold, tears streaming down her face and trying to pull away from my grip that I realise I must