Allison didn’t know how long she’d been sleeping.It was as though she were in the midst of dreaming and waking up, like she was wrapped in a hazy cloud where she didn’t know what was real or what was a dream.The memories from the past came drifting towards her like flowing water, playing out scene by scene as though it were a movie. She didn’t know why she suddenly thought of that time, the time when she first got to know Matthew.Matthew had always been the quiet one, but she knew that he tended to think deeply about things. He liked to keep to himself most of the time which made the girls in their class think that he was irresistible and somewhat playing hard-to-get.Allison thought that that was quite a shallow assumption they made about him, but simply kept quiet.That day, when Matthew brought back her umbrella and thanked her, they met up on the rooftop after school to discuss the schedule and the rates. They eventually agreed to meet up at Matthew’s house every day, including
Allison waited, but thirty minutes had already passed and there was still no sign of Matthew. She had no idea how long she’d been here and how long she’d been out. A few hours, maybe? But she couldn’t be quite sure yet.She wanted to call for a nurse, but she was too weak to even sit up. She just laid there on the bed, her mind dizzy and her lungs fighting to breathe normally. She felt so tired and in pain that she could no longer move the way she wanted to.In the end, sleep came to her, and she embraced her slumber once more. She didn’t dream of Matthew again and nor did she remember their past memories. Instead, she had a dreamless sleep, which was a nice reprieve from her normal bouts of insomnia.As time passed, however, something made her stir. Something warm was pressing against her skin, a large hand that was gently grasping her lower arm, making her feel inexplicably safe and secure. It was as though it was telling her that she was not alone, that she was worth it.Dangerous
The first phase of the treatment was starting. Allison couldn’t describe what she was feeling right now towards Matthew. Was it hate, or was it gratitude? Or perhaps a combination of both? Either way, she was feeling really conflicted at the moment, especially after answering the doctor’s questions one by one. The fact that she ended up in the hospital over and over again against her will made her dead inside, and she wished that she could just get this over with as soon as possible. The doctor explained to her that the treatment was typically divided into two phases, namely induction, and then consolidation or post-remission therapy. However, before the initial treatment, they needed to test whether she was fit enough to have intensive chemotherapy or if treatment at a lower dosage was recommended. He also informed her that the induction process would destroy most of the normal bone marrow cells as well as the leukemia cells, so most patients typically developed dangerously low bl
The chemotherapy treatments were like hell for Allison.Matthew remained her only support throughout the entire process. She thought that if it weren’t for him being there, she wouldn’t have been able to handle it.No wonder they always said that probably the loneliest feeling in the world is being sick and alone, with no one to take care of you, and nobody who even knew you existed.She hated to admit it, but she was starting to get used to him. His presence was filling her days like refreshing water to her empty, broken glass. Though the cracks were minuscule, and the water seeped out from the glass in droplets, at least she could carry his support within her, and she could feel how much he truly cared about her.It was like… he was family.Even though she broke that family relationship herself years ago.Yet he was still here with her, staying by her side no matter what…It was stirring conflicted feelings in her heart that she didn’t know what to do with.***Meanwhile, Matthew wa
The subtle transition arrived when Allison discovered clumps of hair on her pillow the moment she woke up. She gazed at them silently as she gathered them in her hand, her mind blank. When Matthew walked up to her and saw this scene, a deafening silence fell across the room, and only the low sounds of the medical equipment and the humming of the air-conditioning could be heard. They both knew that this would be coming, but the moment it began, Allison felt like her whole world was slowly crashing down on her. From then on, whenever she brushed her hair, whenever she washed, whenever she woke up… the loose hairs kept falling out, and through time, she couldn’t handle it anymore. “Do it,” Allison told Matthew quietly one day. Matthew froze in place as he stared at her with cautious yet sad eyes. “Lise… are you sure about this?” Allison shut her eyes as she tried to contain her emotions. “…I’m sure, Mattie,” she finally said, trying to put more conviction into her tone like she trul
Allison lay awake in bed and couldn’t fall asleep, but she didn’t open her eyes.When she peeked for a bit, she saw Matthew sitting nearby with his back facing her, his head leaning against the phone he was pressing to his ear. He was talking to someone, and she knew who it was.He was speaking in a low voice, but because the room was quiet and he thought she was asleep, bits and pieces of their conversation drifted into her ears.“How have you been? Yes… there were some… last I heard, it was…”“I see…”“Everything okay… when is the… I see… when I checked there was…”“Yeah… fine… she’s doing okay… it’s been really rough… the treatments… exhausting…”Matthew kept on talking in this quiet tone, and his voice was noticeably gentle, as though he were talking to the most precious thing in the world.Allison knew just by that tone that he was speaking to Lily.A bitter sensation swelled up in her throat.“I’m okay,” Matthew was saying, and he seemed to be more comfortable now since he was t
It started one night when Allison was getting ready for bed. How ironic. Perhaps it was because of that particular phone call, but she was slowly growing aware of the danger of Matthew leaving her, and she realized that she wouldn’t be able to bear it if that happened. When she remembered the sadness and longing in his voice as he talked to Lily, she felt a familiar heartache that was reminiscent of her feelings towards him during the time she left. She had missed him terribly and regretted it so much. However, she had no choice but to keep on going. She lived the rest of her life like an empty shell of her former self, only going through the motions and wishing that death would come for her sooner. How ironic that the heavens had granted her wish and given her more pain to endure instead. That was why they always said to be careful with what you wish for. Though Allison frankly couldn’t give a damn, because she had grown used to pain, anyway. The days leading towards her death w
Allison’s change was starting to confuse Matthew.Nowadays, she seemed to cling to him even more than usual. When he thought about it now though, it wasn’t actually that unusual. Weeks ago, whenever she talked to her doctor or even when the nurses approached her, she would grab his arm tightly and never let go until they were gone, which puzzled him greatly because it wasn’t that long ago that she screamed at him, saying she never needed his help.But now, not only did she retain that habit, but she also insisted that he stayed with her at all times, even panicking whenever he merely went outside or talk on the phone. Her sensitivity levels seemed to have heightened, and when he asked her doctor about it, the doctor assured him that feeling emotional and having mood swings were common during cancer treatment.“She’s going through a very difficult time right now,” the doctor had explained to him gently. “The loss of hair, the drastic changes to her physical appearance, the anxiety conce