KABANATA 1: CHOICE.

“…BUONG MUNDO AY HUMAHARAP SA MALAKNG PROBLEMA DULOT NG PANDEMYA…”

Napabuntong hininga ako. Kakagising ko lang at ito agad ang bungad na balita sa telebisyon. The world is getting worst and the days are becoming perilous. Kalian kaya ito matatapos? Ilang buwan na din ang lockdown na nagawa ng Pilipinas, nag isang taon na nga ngunit nahihirapan pa rin ito sa pagkontrol ng mga nahahawa ng virus.

I pity my own country. This nation and the innocent people don’t deserve these scums enjoying their position doing nothing but complications and massive debt that will burden the Philippines for how many years. If only Filipino citizens are wise enough to pick the right leader for the position.

“…if only I had the courage to protect my own country from those assholes…”  I bitterly smiled as I reminisce the memories that snatch out my courage and destroy me as a human, as a woman.

+++

‘Peas, sige na kasi! Pangit naman pag CWTS piliin nating NSTP, palipat nalang tayo sa ROTC please?’ pagpupumilit ko kay peas habang niyuyugyog ko ang mga balikat nya.

Ayaw talaga papilit ng babaeng to! Ang dami kayang benefits ng pag-Rrotc. Hindi naman natin alam kung anong magiging kinabukasan ng mundong to, at least diba? If ever man na may mangyari, kung magkazombie apocalypse pa may alam kami paano humawak ng baril!

 I grinned at my own thoughts. Sige k-drama pa angelie pfft.

‘diba rom? mas maganda ang rotc kasi mahahasa yung katawan natin at malaking achievement yun pag natapos natin ang ROTC buong sem!’ tumango naman si romana sa ideya ko. Palibhasa buo na talaga desisyon nyan na lumipat ng ROTC. Si peas nalang talaga problema namin.

‘eh ayoko mainitan at umitim tapos pawis pa!’ reklamo pa ni Peas hahahaha. Konti nalang at mapapapayag ko na to. I can see signs. Napapaisip na din sya.

Halos ibash ko na ang CTWS na puro reporting lang naman tas pabayad tapos magwawalis lang ng kalsada! Eh pag ROTC kasi sa field talaga at maganda ang inooffer na application.

Hahahahaha ginawa ko na ang lahat para madiscourage si peas at sumama na saamin na magpalipat.

I know I’m desperate to win her. Gusto ko kasama ko kaibigan ko sa lahat ng kaganapan ko sa buhay. Para saan pa at naging kaibigan nila ang isang Arian na sa mismong araw pa ng kagitingan niluwal ni ina.

Once again I grin at my thought.

Later that day tapos na ang klase at nakatambay na kami doon malapit sa may naglalaro ng softball, ayos naman ang pwesto, hindi kami matatamaan kasi may net ang bawat corner. Kung baga nasa loob ang mga nagpapraktis ng pagpalo ng bola.

“sarap naman nito!” bulalas ni romana habang sinisipsip ang Aice nya.

“yep! Gusto ko ang melon flavor!” pagsang-ayon ko naman habang kinakagat gamit ang labiko  ang akin.

“ang dadaya nyo! Nang-iingit lang kayo e! alam nyo namang bawal sa akin yan!’  reklamo naman ni peas habang nagtatsyaga sa bottled mineral water.

Napangisi ako. Nagk-keto kasi ang isang yan.

‘mag-cheat ka nalang muna?’ I suggested. Mukhang gusto nya namang kumain eh, nagpipigil lang.

Sumama naman ang tingin nya sa akin. Napangisi kaming dalawa ni romana.

Kawawa talaga si peas sa amin.

Gone are the weekdays and heto Sunday na!

‘di pa rin nag-aaffirm si peas kung lilipat kami peronagpapahiwatig sya na sabi ng papa nya na maganda nga daw ang ROTC. Bet she’s having trouble choosing which.

Poor thing. Nakadagdag pa tuloy kami ni Romana sa problema nya.

We arrived at 12 o’clock in the afternoon at school. At MIA na naman si romana! Jusko first day na first day! Mahirap na namang kumbinsihin to si peas kasi wala yung isa.

The announcer at the stage ask students to gather just in front of the elevated platform.  We were asked to squat and bring out our umbrella with us.mainit kasi tanghaling tapat jusko!

Peas then ask if I had one but I just shrugged at her.

“alam ko jel meron. Tamad ka lang maglabas” she then gets her umbrella inside her bag and I began to giggle. Dang she pretty much knows me well.

Nagsimula ng magsalita ang nasa stage at isa-isang pinakilala ang mga head professors’ ng bawat branch ng NSTP. Nauna ang LTS para sa mga teacher na if ever yun ang piliin magtuturo sila ng illiterate children or much older if they wanted to. Sumunod naman ang CTWS na naglalayong ihanda ang mga gustong pumili nito ng mga general skills sa pag-cpr and such basta more on public service. Panghuli ang ROTC, lumukso naman ang dugo ko habang nakatingin sa professor sa harap. Tindig pa lang matikas pa rin kahit may edad na. halatang sundalo to ng kabataan nya.

His voice is deep and pulling me to be his ally. Fuck anj dami mong alam.

Napangisi na naman ako sa naiisip ko. Pftt.

Going back, he has a deep voice that would powerfully encourage you to join. He mentioned a lot of benefits. At ang huling kataga na tumatak sa akin ay “profession-wise”

I admit I crave a challenge, that’s the reason why I am taking up AB Pol Sci ( political science). Hindi pwedeng wala noon. I might end up losing interest in this world. It was like my body constantly ask for an adrenaline rush. And I was a willing addict.

Napalingon ako kay peas. I saw courage and determination in her eyes as well. But when she noticed I was staring she smiled and her eyes replaced with worry.

Pagkatapos ng mga kuda sa stage pinapunta kami sa respective rooms na nakalagay sa registration form namin. Peas and I obliged. Nasa room na kami at hinihintay na ang assigned professor na hahawak sa amin. I planned to ask the professor after class na lilipat kami.

Desisyon ano? Di pa nga pumayag si Peas.

Gulo angelie !

Wala par in si romana. Alangan namang mauna kami at iwan sya.

Peas and I took our seat next to each other. I briefly chit-chat with her about my plans na magpapalipat kami after class.

She made a face and told me na ako nalang daw.

She doesn’t know I am not giving up on her either.

Sabay-sabay nalang kami nila rom bukas.

I was surprised that the professor in NSTP was the head professor of the ROTC department. Dang, didn’t they have a conflict of interest in here?

The next minutes were filled with the words of the prof and he is encouraging his student in the class na lumipat na ng ROTC. Napatawa naman ako. Sabi na eh may conflict of interest. He pinpoints na general knowledge lang yung sa NSTP that everybody can learn if they wanted to not like ROTC that he labeled as special.

At the end of his discussion, he asks for queries if we have one. Kung may gusto bang magpalipat.

I was approached by Marlon my former block mate noong first-year second sem. He asked if I was interested in considering ROTC for once. I said yes and turned my head on Peas. Encouraging her. But she just gave me a nod to go on with Marlon.

Marlon asks the prof. if it was possible and the professor said yes. And I ask if what was needed para officially ma-enroll kami sa ROTC. The prof replied to bring us the photocopy of our registration form and submit it to him so that he can personally manage the process.

We both said thank you and bid our goodbyes to the professor.

I turned back to Peas and she asked how was it and I began to tell her the discussion.

Marlon intervenes to ask na sabay a daw kami magpasa if ever, I agreed with a nod.

“uuwi ka na jel?” peas asked and I know for sure she doesn’t want to go home this early. So I shrugged and suggested we should buy snacks and agreed to have one more hour before we head back home.

---

It’s Monday and here we are having our short break. Sa wakas at pumasok din si romana. She explained that she was unable to attend our last Sunday lesson due to a family situation. I informed her about our plans for ROTC and she agreed.

Yvette our block mate approached us asking if we are planning to change our NSTP subject. Maybe she overheard our conversations and for courtesy, we just nodded.

She informed us that she and her group of friends are too. Yesterday daw inasikaso na nila. We ask important details and all and we said thank you for her information.

So here’s the news guys. Peas affirmed that she wanted to as well! Yey!

We had ourselves ready and as well as the requirements needed.

We passed our regis (the registration form) to the said professor and he is pleased to know that we made up our mind.

---

We had so much free time that we ended up eating our lunch after class.

It was normal, and the three of us were enjoying our time together. Indeed, excited na kaming magsunday!!!

---

And the day comes as we how we expected it.

Heto na ang kaba na gustong-gusto ko.

Nakasuot kami ngayon ng white shirt tucked in our maong pants. May sinturon din kaing kulay green at nakatali ang buhok namin. And the outfit was completed by our rubber shoes ready for physical activities. I thought.

Peas and Romana are bargaining time and leisurely eating their breakfast at the canteen. It’s 6:30 in the morning and magst-start ang klase 7:30 sa field.

I waited for them patiently to finish as I was busy fixing myself in front of the mirror.  I practised my sharp looks, “PERFECT!” my mind yelled as I compliment how I look good today.

We were informed by yv na bawal may make-up during the whole session. And I sheepishly smiled as I look at my co- cadets applying tints on their lips.

As the two of my colleagues finished their meal, kasabay nang napakalakas na sigaw ng lalaki at babae.

Kapwa kaming napatalong tatlo. Shit. This is it! Heto na ang kaba!

“FIRST PLATOON, ALPHA FIRST FORM!!!!” sabay takbuhan ng mga kadete. Rinig na rinig ang tunog ng mga nagmamadaling sapatos.

Napangisi ulit ako.

“SECOND PLATOON, BRAVO SECOND FORM!!!!”

“DELTA COMPANY, FIRST PLATOON FORM!!!”

“CHARLIE COMAPANY, FIRST AND SECOND PLATOON FORM!!!”

At lahat ay nagsitakbuhan. Muntik na akong mabangga sa iba habang hawak ko si peas habang sya hawak si romana. At napagdesisyonan naming sa delta second pumila. We have no choice. Wala naman kami noong unang meeting nila dito.  

Lahat ng sigaw naririnig mo na kasbay ng malakas na tambol sa dibdib mo. Nakakairita pala. Putangina.

Paano maaayos kung panay sigaw!

Nakakapundi ng isip!

Gusto ko manakit!

“SINONG NAGSABI SA INYO NA PWEDE MAG LIP TINT HA?” sigaw ng platoon leader namin habang masid-masid ang mga mukha namin.

“HALA BURAHIN NYO YAN! ISA ! DALAWA ! PAG HANGGANG BILANG KO NG LIMA DI PA YAN NATATANGGAL LAHAT, SQUAT POSITION AABUTIN NYO SA AKIN ! ANG AGA-AGA PINAPAINIT NYO ULO KO !”

ABA PUTANGINA NYA MAS MATANDA PA AKO SAYO NG ISANG TAON SURE AKO DYAN!

AKALA MO KUNG SINO!

NAPAPASIGAW NA DIN AKO SA ISIPAN KO HABANG NAG-IIGTING ANG MGA PANGA KO. I SHARPLY LOOK AT THE ENTITLED PETITE PLATOON LEADER IN FRONT.

THE HELL WITH THIS! NABABANAS AKO!

“TATLO, APAT, LIMA !  ANG TATAGAL NYO KUMILOS ! DI KAYO TATAGAL DITO SA ROTC ! WALA DAPAT MAARTE DITO !’

TANGINAMO !

It’s fine guys. Sa isip-isip ko lang naman ako nagmumura. Nakakatangina kasi yung ang lakas ng sigaw. Para kaya syang tuleg. Pumipiyok na nga sya ampota.

Napahagikhik ako habang pasimpleng sumulyap kay Peas na katabi ko.

She gave me a knowing look. And we three started to burst our laughter.

At ang mga deputa na katabi namin nakisali!

“ANONG NAKAKATAWA HA?” pumiyok ulit.

Tangina. I didn’t know ROTC could be this entertaining!

We burst into laughter again. Sakit na ng tyan ko kakapigil.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

“SQUAT POSITION!!!!”

Kulang nalang magmura yung platoon leader.

We did what she said, habang unti-unting nawawala yung ngise sa labi ko.

Tangina nakakangalay!

“LOWER”

We did.

“MAS BABAAN NYO PA! ANG AARTE NYO!”

Tangina mo! Ikaw kaya pags-squatin ko.

Nginig na nginig na ang tuhod ng nasa harap ko.

Tangena natatawa ako!

Lumingon ako kay Peas at ganoon din sya habang pinagpapawisan na. namumula na din.

“PFFFT”

Sabay hagikhik naming habang tanaw ang isa’t-isa.

Hayup.

“ANO KAYA NYO PA? LOWER!” sigaw ng PL habang sinabayan ng matatalim na tingin bawat isa.

Tangena saludo na ako sa PL na to. Di man lang natinag sa naginginig na tuhod ng mga kadete. HAHHAH parang kinukuryente lang.

Tagaktak na ang pawis ko pero natatawa ako. Ang saya pala ng ROTC. Tulek mga tao dito hahahah.

“ANO KAYA PA? TAWANAN PA KAYO!”

“MA’AM NO, MA’AM” sa wakas may sumigaw na. napapatumba na kasi sya sabay nginig na nginig ng tuhod.

Para na akong matutumba. Feeling ko magkakacramps ako nito sa binti. Lumingon ako kay Peas kita ko ding tagaktak na pawis nya, naka-awang na ang mga labi at naghahabol na ng hininga.

“LOUDER!”

“MA’AM NO, MA’AM” sigaw naming lahat.

“TUNE!” (short for attention)

Huling syllable lang kase binibigkas para mas madali.

Sa wakas.

We are now standing feet slightly parted 40 degrees to be exact. Hands are both on our sides like we are handling a piece of banana. Poker face, chin up, breast out, we are gasping for more air.

Sht.

“ALAM NYO NA PAG DI KAYO MARUNONG SUMUNOD AH? PAG YANG MGA LABING YAN NAKITA KO SA SUSUSNOD NA MEETING MAPULA PA RIN, MAGPUPUSH UP NA KAYO NG ISANG-DAAN!”

“MALINAW?”

“MA’AM YES, MA’AM”

“TIKAS NA”

We put both of our hands-on our back (open palms) and our feet apart.

“RIGHT FOOT FORWARD!”

We did.

“INHALE!”

We filled our lungs with oxygen.

“EXHALE!”

We exhaled thru our mouth.

“HAH!” we chorused.

“…baho…” bulong ng nasa second squad.

Hayup HAHAHAHAHAHA

“INHALE”

“EXHALE”

“INHALE”

“EXHALE”

“TUNE!”

We spent our 5 hours learning how to execute their respective commands.

“HARAP SA KANAN, ‘RAP”

“HARAP SA KALIWA, ‘RAP”

“’RAP SA LIKOD, ‘RAP”

“PASULONG ‘KAD!”

“PUGAY KAMAY NA!”

And that’s the coolest part. I feel like I was really a part of an army as I began to salute in front of the Philippine flag, singing the national anthem.

Tears forming in my eyes.

I am madly in love with my country. My Philippines.

---

 

Going home after the five hours straight training, and I feel really exhausted. My muscles are aching.

Gone are the chilling days. Pagod na pagod ako pero there is this joy within me. I am happy with what I am doing.

I rode a jeepney going stop and shop sta. mesa. Kahit tanghaling tapat antok na antok ako. Sabayan pa ng senting tugtugan ni manong.

Pagkatapos kong i-abot ang bayad ay dumiretso ako sa pinakadulong pwesto ng jeep. Good thing bukas at walang harang dito kaya malayang umiihip ang hangin sa balat ko.

---

Pagka-uwi kong bahay unang bumungad sa akin ang tatay sabay saludo ng kanyang kamay. Natawa ako at napa-iling na lamang.

After I changed clothes, I began to tell dad how my day went. He seemed amused and the looks of his eyes are proud.

“ kapag gusto mo magsundalo ‘day dapat malakas ka” sambit nya habang itinaas ang kanyang braso para hamunin ako ng larong punong braso.

I didn’t waste time and began to stretch my joints and limbs for preparation.

I gave him my sheepish smile.

We placed our both hands, closed fist and then we counted three to begin.

Umiri pa ako sa pagbabakasakaling lumakas pa at mapatumba ang braso ng tatay.

Napapantayan ko lang ang lakas na di nya ako matutumba ngunit sa sandaling tumagal ito, mauubos enerhiya ko. Wala pa naman akong meryenda.

He smirked at me. And I know I’m doomed. Then I began to cling my whole body to add more strength to beat him, to wipe off that smirked on his face. But he just laughs.

“HHAHAHA madaya!” he playfully pulled his arm as I arched my brows.

“edi wow, gutom kasi ako. Blep”

And he dismissed me with a curve on his lips. “kumain ka muna.”

---

Weekdays feels like a blink in the eyes and Sundays are keeping me alive. Just like today may mga bagong mukha aside doon sa mga nakilala naming Platoon leaders. Iba ang disenyo ng uniporme nila.

“Advanced officers daw…” bulong ni Peas sa gilid ko.

Nakaform na kami at nasa third squad kami. Unti-unti na ding sumasakit ang sinag ng araw sa aming balat ngunit do pa rin nito maiwasang mapa-irit ni Peas dahil gwapo nga daw yung core commander. Pfft.

Sumang-ayon naman si rom sa kanya pero mas bet nya daw yung intelligent officer na si Tanjuaco. Hahaha iba din to sila.

Umirit pa si Peas ng marinig nya ang pangalan ng core commander namin.

“ Asterio raw pangalan ihhhh gwapooooo..” Napangisi naman ako. True to her words the core commander has the looks and aura that can melt knees of ladies.

Pero mas bet ko yung isa, yung may dimples na Moreno. Lumibao ata, nakita ko sa name cloth nya.

This time we were tasked to go and form at the TED lobby. And we had our green tiny notes with us. Maglelecture ata ngayon.

--

The Advanced officers weren’t really formally introduced; we just know because we are eager to see a glimpse of their name cloth.

And the core commander Sir Asterio was with sir Joriz and the other platoon leader are demonstrating how to handgrip and properly handle a gun during the battle.

May nakadapa, may nakaluhod ang isang tuhod at may gumagapang na posisyon. At syempre ang standing position as their eyes keeping alert towards their surroundings.

They’re cool.

My blood is in the hype and I keep imagining if I would look good in those positions too.

The next hours seem pretty boring because lecture nalang lahat tapos nasa bandang huli kami naka-upo ni Peas. Di ko na rin Makita ang mga letra na nasa powerpoint, so I decided to doze off a bit while peas was doodling something on her notes.

Pagkain, particularly desserts. HAHAHA poor Peas, even me I’m famished.

Ilang sandali lamang ang pagpikit ko sinuway na agad kami ng kasama namin sa pila.

“ Gising! Nakatingin si ma’am nemo sa inyo ‘ sambit nya sabay turo sa direksyon noon.

Ah ang isa sa mga officer. She had her poker faced at ang mga tinging nanunuya. Awit. Nemo pala ah. Di na kailangang hanapin kasi ikaw na mismo ang gustong lumayo sa kanya.

Pfft.

Napa-iling naman ako sa iniisip ko.

Did I tell you the lecture’s boring right? Pang ilang beses ko na nasabi yun ? hahahha kidding aside, I decided to busy myself with the new faces on the front staying alert as possible na kung iisipin mo baka may kalaban nalang na binglang susulpot hahah.

Next to ma’am Nemo was another girl, she has pale skin compared to that fish. She’s short and had an angelic face. Ang bait para sa isang sundalo.

I poked Peas and ask what’s the name of the angelic officer. “ma’am villo ata jel” she quickly replied and I noticed halos mapuno na nya pagddoodle ang isang page ng notebook nya. Cute.

Next to ma’am Villote was the officer with a dimple. Yes, the one I had my eyes on. Sir Joriz. He’s tall and lean but I bet he had muscles on his right places as well. Hindi sya yung isang pitik lang tumba na pero taliwas doon. He has a friendly aura with him and he has an ideal skin tone for boys.

Next is the intelligence officer, Sir Delfin. He has an attractive face, singkit ang mga mata at medjo may pagkachubby pero the stance, he’s intimidating. The way he speaks would definitely turn you on. Oh well if that is you’re a sapiosexual.

The other female officer is ma’am Zera, a petite and short-haired type. She’s confident in her own way.

Then sir Abe, the angelic man. He’s oozing with angelic feathers! And an angel’s face as well.

Then lastly the core commander, Sir Asterio. The intimidating sharp eyes, his full lips that make half of the population of cadets na umirit sa kilig, lalo na ‘tong katabi ko. He possessed a Filipino handsomeness, Moreno, makisig, may pagkasuplado at halatang maraming nadadaleng babae.

So far, their presence add up spice to our journey in this field. Mas nakakagana HAHAHAHAHAHA

After the class, I hurriedly pick my phone and punched my pin to open it. I open the data connection and excitedly typed ‘Lumibao’ on the search bar on F******k. I scrolled down to see more and viola I found him!

His name on f* is Dranreb Joriz. But I guess he had a second name? right there I saw Julius Dranreb Joriz. Ah I guess I’m right. A little disappointed by his first name because yan ang pangalan ng kuya kong demonyo. Juskoooo, Dranreb nalang gamitin mo good choice pa yun.

I viewed his timeline and I saw he’s a cyclist as well. He keeps on flexing his mountain bike and the tracks he’s been into. Dang I like sporty!

‘boy tell me can you take my breath away

Cruising down the heart-shaped high way

Got you swerving lane to lane don’t hit the brakes

cause I’m feeling so safe”

Pumailanlang ang kanta ni katy pery na Harleys in Hawaii.

“I’ll be your baby on a Sunday

Oh why don’t we get out of town

I’ll be your baby catch the same waves

Oh no. no, there’s no slowing down”

Napasabay na din ako sa pagkanta. Dang bagay samin tooooo HAHAHHAHAHA

Bb Dranreb on a Sunday kesee sa rotc ko lang naman sya nasusulyapan.

HAHAHAHA awit naman!!!! KINIKILIG AKO!!!

Pilit ko mang itago pero nahahalata na nila malalapad kong ngise.

“jel anong mukha yan?”si rom habang si Peas napasulyap sa akin.

“wala nans-stalk lang sa f*.”

“weh? May boyfriend ka na ata” si rom na di naniniwala.

“wala baliw hahaha nakita ko na si sir lumibao sa f* hahaha ‘ sambit ko at tila umilaw ang mga ulo ng dalawa at kanya-kanyang tingin sa phone at sinearch mga bet nila HAHAHHAHA

--

Days went too fast for us to get bored. Weekdays are hellish andami ng ginagawa sa iba’t-ibang subjects lalo na sa major naming. Jusko! Kailangan ko talagang magbawas bago pumasok kasi palaging nakakajebs ang mga recitations. Kaya hanggang sakit ng tyan at panlalamig nalang nararamdaman ko habang nags-shuffle ng index card ang mga prof. hellish.

Regular days at school wearing a uniform every MTF pag Wednesday and Saturday washday kaya pwede magcivilian clothes inside the campus premises. And right now we’re wearing a sky blue skirt, white blouse and a pair of black shoes.  

“jel may dala kang laptop?” ask Peas while she’s busy fumbling on her notes.

“yeps” as I put my bag on the bench.

May assignment kasi kami sa software statistics. Yung mga f distribution table, chi-square and chi-test using excel.

We were on the same spot yet different bench. Nasa bandang headquarters kami nakapwesto. Mas maganda kasi may lamesang mapaglalagyan. Hinihintay naming dumating si rom kaso baka natraffic pa yun, sa taytay rizal pa kasi nakatira tapos nasa boni mandaluyong tong school namin. Awit pa naman traffic papunta dito.

I helped Peas explain the topics that she gets confused of and tinype nya na din sa laptop yung gawa nya and later ipapaprint nalang.

We began chit-chatting.

Mamayang 7:30 pm labasan ng last subject namin and we plan on staying at school until 9. To let our mind freed, and breathe. Listen to music and let our eyes freely wander at other students that are into sports at yung nagpapraktis ng sayaw.

“jel” si Peas sabay nguso. And my mind was blank at the moment that's why I copy what she was doing. Ngumuso din ako sa kanya.

Ngumisi ako. And she began to make her eyes big while pouting her lips as if she wants me to look at where her lips are heading. And so I did.

I saw sir Joriz wearing a green shirt and camouflage pants. He looks rugged and handsome.

Ah my day couldn’t be more perfect like this!

Pasimple kong sinundan ang mga galaw nya gamit ang mga mata kong nakakubli sa mumunting buhok na tumatabing sa aking mukha. I feel lightheaded, like I was on cloud nine.

Para akong highschooler.

I mouthed thank you to peas and she grinned and mouthed “sana all” napatawa nalang ako.

A quarter before our class begins dumating na si romana and she doesn’t waste her time doing her assignment as well. At sabay-sabay kaming tumayo at nagpaprint tapos deretso na sa TED bldg. 8th floor.

May konting pila sa elevator pataas but we managed to kill time with their undying stories.

--

Supposedly lima kaming magkakaibigan, ako, si rom, si Peas, si majoy, at si mishel. Those were just nnames by the way. Pero yang si majoy di na tumuloy ng second year kasi she needs to find a job agad. We, her friends convinced her to go back kasi sayang naman. While michelle or we call her shel, nahiwalay ng block sa amin. Palagi kasing nagkaka-ubusan ng slot ng schedule pag enrollment kaya kaming tatlo muna ni rom magkakasama.

We constantly crossed path with shell at school kaya nakakapag-usap naman kami minsan. She has her own circle of colleagues too. Mas nauna pa nga nyang maging kaibigan yun compare sa amin. So I hope she’s getting along with them, minsan nakakatampo pero she promised na next semester pare-parehas na dapat kami ng schedule apat.

Night came and patapos na ang klase namin. We invite rom to come with us after class pero she got plans daw. Kaya kami na lamang ni Peas ang tatambay sa quad maya-maya.

Ah this schedule is tiring and we both deserve a moments of silence, drowned with our floods of thoughts. A breather. A time for realizations. And a time to slack.

Habang naglalakad kaming tatlo pababa we keep on teasing rom. Makikipagdate lang to eh hahahaha.

“SANA ALL ROMANA” sabay naming bigkas ni Peas. At yung isa pangise-ngise na lang halatang nagmamadali sa pupuntahan.

--

We settled ourselves on the quad, malapit sa statwa ni rizal. Gabi na at ilaw nalang ang nagpapaliwanag sa buong field. We sit side by side and the silence drifted us to our own world.

All these years, I’ve been numb. Numbing myself and preventing myself from further damage. Sa bahay pa lamang. Alam kong mabait ang tatay ngunit taliwas naman ang tungo sa akin ni ina. She had her favourites among my siblings, and poor me I was on her bad side. I can’t stay silent and put up with her shits so I fight back at her taunting words on me.

Palagi akong nasasampal na hindi ako suportado ng nanay ko. Bilang lang ang mga pagkakataong nayakap ko sya, dalawang beses. Una noong naaksidente ang sinasakyan naming tricycle ng kuya. Pangalawa noong pinipilit ko na yakapin sya habang panay hampas sa aking mga braso. I was unwelcomed and this keeps me in silent weeps everynight,

I had to double my effort for her to recognize me as her own. But that never happened throughout the years I’ve been in here. Breathing.

“jel” pukaw sa akin ni Peas.

“mm..” I hummed.

“you sure you had never love?” she eagerly inquired. I counted five seconds in my head sighing. I guess I had to tell her what’s inside the huge wall I built for everyone.

“I did.” She looked at me sideways asking for juicier contents. I laughed at her and began to tell her my story.

“I once loved a man named Jackson. I don’t know though if that was his real name, but thinking of how we ended our story, I guess I had loved him.”

(this is real and I made a poem dedicated to him. I published it on bayabanangelie0409oo.blogspot.com titled Naïve)

“ why? How?” she insisted getting the clearer image of how vague I was at that moment.

“he’s intelligent, he’s my ideal, he’s cute, but I had never seen his whole face. I met him on Neargroup…

He made up lies when he has a chance and all I do was to accept him, but when I tested him like how he did to me, he cursed me instead saying I deserved the shitness that life was throwing at me…

I was hurt and I block him… the end” I awkwardly smiled at her. The looks of her eyes were sporting pity towards me. She shouldn’t be.

“grabe sayang…

I never saw you looking so alive complimenting him despite the pain he inflicted on you…”  she soulfully commented. I just smiled at her and assuring her I’m okay. It was all in the past.

We set aside the painful topic and she brought up how she was attracted to our core commander. All I did was grin at her silly remarks and giggles,

Panay tawa at hagikhik kami habang pinag-uusapan ang mga advanced officers. Not minding the people around us right at the moment.

Bigla akong napatalon sa biglaang paghampas-hampas ni peas sa akin. Problema nito ? awit nananakit. I looked at her confused. She then whispered at me.

“andyan sa harap natin si sir Asterio ‘

Awit imposible naman, At paglingon ko bigla akong kinabahan. Para akong matatae gaya ng mga oras sa recitation. Goddamn.

Tangina speaking of the devil talaga. Lakas pa naman ng boses ni Peas. Jusko !

I began to steal glances at him. Who wouldn’t fall for this man? He has the qualities. His stares, his movements, and the way his lips moves as he speaks. Di na ako magtataka kung bakit parang binudburan ng asin tong isa.

Hinayaan kong manginig si Peas sa kilig habang naglilintaya sya sa gilid. Tumingin nalang ako sa paligid. I was still blessed witnessing this kind of beauty. Ito ang rason ko kung bakit mas gusto kong manatili sa school kaysa sa umuwi agad.

Peace,

I let myself succumb to the cold breeze the night was giving. Pumikit ako para mas damhin ang lamig. Naririnig ko lang si Peas sa tabi, she wanted to make a move I guess?

I smiled inwardly.

I let my eyes open expecting Peas’ eyes would welcome me. But it was him. Deep eyes that’ll always want to drown you.

He changed his spot.

I felt the intense chills.

Bumibigat ang paghinga.

The pursuers are on my trail. AHHHH HEART

++

 

I had never entertained the strange feeling because I respect Peas’ feelings towards the man, although it may be seeming just a crush, she is fragile that needs to be taken care of. Every Sunday I just let myself focus on the training. Bonus nalang ang mga dimples ni Dranreb.

It was tough indeed to restrain the building feelings so I let it freed using poem titled “stare” and “In glue” on the same website I mentioned in the previous chapter.

The poem is my escape. I made poems for goodbye. I made poems for memories that are good to be forgotten. And that was my plan about this feeling, it needs to be discarded.

Time flies fast when you are enjoying every silly moment and here we are, doing our final requirement in ROTC. Firing sa Cavite.

We are wearing our official uniform type A. fatigue uniform if I was not mistaken. Combat shoes, sombrero. We were asked to gather at the meeting place 4 am.

Maybe due to excitement, I slept a bit late and I set the alarm 2 am in the morning. I walked up earlier than the alarm seriously but I decided to take more minutes then turned into hours.

Floods of messages coming from rom and Peas, and all I can reply was the sad emoticons and asking for help. I didn’t have my bath. Wisik-wisik nalang muna potek late na akooooo.

Dinagdagan pa ng traffic sa kalentong. Akala ko wala, syempre madaling araw palang, kaso jusmee sarado ang tulay!

Para na akong majejebs sa jeep tas nanlalamig mga kamay ko. Siguradong may parusa na naman neto.

Mag-aalasingko na ng nakarating ako sa campus at yun nga pinagmadali kaming kumilos, panay sigaw, squat position lahat ng mga nalate. It was a hella ride and I’m still thankful na hindi ako nag-iisang naparusahan. The officers ask us to fall in line at isa-isang pumunta sa designated na platoon namin.

I immediately went in front of our PL.

“ma’am good morning, ma’am. I, cadet Angelie Bayaban, permission to join the platoon ma’am”

“join”.

“ay wait, bakit ka nalate? Anong oras na?” thought I was saved but no, there’s still a grilling session.

“natraffic po ma’am”

“ay wow natraffic gantong oras? Baka natraffic sa kama” she scoffed. Awit, half-half lang naman ma’am, natraffic din ako sa kalsada.

My co-cadets’ giggled.

Edi kayo na maaga.

Sumali na ako sa linya. Kaso nga lang aawit tong mga kasamahan ko ayaw papila, so palipat-lipat ako hanggang napunta ako sa pinaka-dulo. And it took me minutes to realize that it was sess’ back.

I poked her and she was relieved. She’s still on her phone. Maybe supervising if I was already here or not. I feel loved. Ahhh.

Lumipat sya sa likod ko.

We began to chit-chat and argued that I indeed woke up before my alarm but she wasn’t convinced.

“cadet at the back! Ang ingay, squat position!” pota lakas ng pandinig ng PL na to!

I feel sorry for Peas, but I ended up laughing at her. Hahahah

Minutes later, we have grouped again into pair, “buddy buddy system”. Unfortunately, Peas and I aren’t paired. We are instructed to know and to stick around our pairs to prevent further accidents or emergencies throughout the ride and activity.

After several hours, we were ready to board. Armies' trucks are all parked outside the university. The sense of anticipation was palpable. The journey to Cavite was smooth. 

God forbid me not to unintentionally shoot them today while firing m16.

+++