Chapter 5

MARIANELLA

I did not get a good night's sleep, if at any time that night I could actually sleep at all.

I tossed and turned, waiting for sleep to come, but it did not come, and when I got up it was still dark, a little after five in the morning.

I wish I were in the habit of doing some morning exercise to discharge energy, but my sedentary spirit wouldn't allow it, so I brewed coffee and drank it.

I am on my third cup.

No one should drink this much coffee, but I didn't truly feel like a human being without a dose of caffeine that is considered a food crime, it's a mania I pulled from my father.

I thought about my childhood and how different things were here from there, when I moved I had to abandon some old habits, besides the accent that only appeared in a few moments, I adapted as I needed to and this meant leaving a big part of myself behind.

I grew up in a small house, but very comfortable and cozy, so we chose to have an apartment here, it reminds us a lot of our home in Spain, we have a certain attachment to some of these memories.

Esmeralda still demands her strong accent from the four corners of Seattle, I have gotten used to being more discreet about it, I constantly deal with high ranking people who need to understand my words well.

At first it was very difficult, I was a mess with terms, I was always very confused by the speed in which they spoke, but with practice and a little discipline, I have definitely become a Seattle girl.

I put the cup aside and break the eggs by pouring them into the pan next to the bacon, I am not the best cook in the world, but being in the kitchen keeps my anxious head busy, and also someone in this house needs to be able to provide decent food, since my sister can't even turn on the stove without causing a large scale accident.

The arrangement is that she takes care of the housekeeping and I take care of the cooking, it has worked well so far, I mean, our apartment hasn't become a clutter zone and we haven't blown up the kitchen either, I consider this a success.

Mamá should be ashamed of this fact, she is a cook, one of the best in the family, with my father's help they opened a restaurant that may not be five stars, but it was an achievement that kept my family going for a long time.

We grew up around the cooks, learning everything they could teach, but knowledge in theory is very different from practice, Esmeralda is a great example of this.

She has no notion of salt, and using two or three spices is a lot, and I know she hates things like this, housework causes her an aversion, keeping the house clean is already a big deal for her.

I left everything ready and went to the shower, I had time, I took the opportunity to wash and dry my hair, I would not have that time at night.

I return to the kitchen closing the buttons of my shirt and find my sister with her body leaning over the counter, her hair unruly and her eyes squeezed with sleep.

“ Argh! It should be a crime to wake up so early “ she babbles, yawning soon after.

“ Unfortunately we are not born millionaires “ I give her a pat on the back for moral support.

“ Dios mio, just imagine Nella, the two of us as socialites, worried only about what kind of cutlery to put on the table for the charity party we are promoting “ she stands up leaning her head on her hands as if she were dreaming.

“ No, I wouldn't like to lead this housewife life, I would like to be someone successful and important, to have enough money to live traveling and enjoying every place in the world”.

“ That would be perfect too, think, if you want Italian fashion then you just take your private jet and go get it”.

“ Exactly, I didn't want to be a rich slave to work, I wanted to be free, what's the point of having lots of money if most of the time you are stuck at work?”

“ Where would you live if you could move right now? “ he asks defiantly, we have been doing this since we were children.

“ Paris," I say with a passionate sigh.

I really love everything about that place, I have been dreaming about seeing it since we were kids, I would give anything just to step foot there, it is a dream with all my heart.

“ I don't know, maybe somewhere with a beach, I never thought about it, but I would love to live in a place where I could open the windows in the morning and say good morning to the sea”.

“ Sounds just like you," I smile in agreement.

“ That, or maybe I'll go to Las Vegas and go every night to the casinos, ripping money out of those dumb old asses, what do you say? “ her eyebrows waggle with enthusiasm.

“ I'm with you mate, I can distract them while I look at your cards and make room for you”.

“ Yes “ she almost screams, her hand pulling the breakfast plate closer “ That's what I'm talking about! Who cares about honesty? Let's just improve our lives without caring about the methods”.

“ We need someone to protect us, to come to our rescue," I point my finger at her as if this is something very important in our fictitious plan.

“ This would be a security guard completely manipulated to our side “ she blinks and I laugh.

I love this, being with her, my sister is my favorite person in the world and I would do anything to see her smile.

This is how I spend my early morning, with her, a half-eaten breakfast made in an early morning burst and failed plans on how we will get rich using easy but illegal methods.

We don't even look like adults at this point, and this is my favorite part of the day, being able to forget who I really am.

The next thing we knew, she was already super late for her shower and I had to take my ass out and try not to be late, so I blew her a kiss in the air before she ran into the bathroom cursing everything and everyone, going to work next.

When I stepped into the company building, my heart beat fast, the feeling that it would be my last normal day in this place, I greeted the employees with a short smile and got into the elevator facing Dante.

I mumbled good morning and received a nod in response, I don't know if this makes me worried or relieved, he is not the kind of person who keeps his mouth shut and especially not in front of me.

Which makes me think that maybe he knows something, it makes my muscles tense, every floor that the elevator passes I feel as if needles are pinching my skin.

I hate feeling judged, no matter who it is by, it leaves me feeling that no matter what I do, I will never be good enough.

When the elevator stops at the eleventh floor, Dante turns his back on me and leaves without saying a word, this ends up sounding an alarm in my head that there is something strange going on.

When it's my turn to go down, I pass the reception desk and Karen is looking at me like the cat in the boots, I know she's sorry for what happened yesterday, but I'm not going to tell her that, let her suffer a little.

“ Was everything okay yesterday? “ she asks me, so low that I can hardly hear.

“ No thanks to you, traitor," I mutter bitterly, " What kind of friend puts another in that kind of trouble?”

“ I am so sorry! I was in shock, I couldn't say anything”.

I understand her, he seems to have that effect on people, intimidation.

“ Well, it's all right, after all “ I swallow everything else.

“ That is such a relief! “ Karen smiles.

“ I'm still upset about it," I hold my nose up.

“ That's too bad, because I could have one or two handmade chocolates that you like.

You are not only a traitor, you are also a manipulator”.

“ Upset? Who's upset?”

She laughs and reaches into her purse for two bars of handmade chocolate, which to me is better known as a calorie miracle.

Last month I bought several of these to drink with wine, it was my favorite pastime on Saturdays, movies, popcorn, handmade chocolates and a few glasses of wine.

I ended up turning Esmeralda into an addict in the process, every week she throws forty dollars in my hand and says I will only walk through the door if I have a basket of chocolates in my hand.

“ You saved yourself this time, only because of the chocolates," I squeeze my eyes in her direction.

“ I'll make sure there isn't a next time”.

I go to my desk and have already found a bunch of documents that I couldn't organize yesterday, let out a loud sigh and start working.

I don't know if I am so productive because I am a good employee, or if I am avoiding being available to my boss, but I don't stop for a single second.

I find some time to put a natural sandwich in my stomach during the fifteen minute lunch I have given myself, then I am assisting Roman with the afternoon meetings.

Unfortunately this part I couldn't avoid, he also didn't take much notice of my presence, everything seemed normal to him.

I admire this ability to ignore the world around you, I would love to achieve this, but I can't simply ignore things when they are by my side most of the day and talk to me when I need something.

I made it back from the meetings without too many neurons missing, I turned my brain off as soon as they started talking, I am good at organizing and keeping everything in order, nothing gets past my eagle eyes without me noticing that something is out of place.

I am great at keeping a system running, almost like quality control, scheduling, confirming and reviewing, it is what has kept my head safe in this company, what I have offered in disasters I have made up for in efficiency.

I think deep down my boss knows this too, I think it is part of the reason we will be going to dinner.

I spend some more time finalizing and printing some documents for tomorrow's meetings, and as I am stapling together the last stack of projects, the door opens and I freeze.

He appears in my field of vision and checks what I am doing.

“ Are you ready? “ he asks simply.

I think about it and come to the conclusion that I need to go to the bathroom to check my appearance.

“ I need a few minutes," I answer without much emotion, when in fact I am swallowing it down my throat.

“ Great, that's time to make one last phone call," and with that he drops out of sight.

I take advantage of this to grab a necessaire from my purse and fly to the bathroom while I can, luckily when I find the mirror, I don't feel like a complete disaster, my black tube dress is suitable for the occasion and my hair stays neat as much as possible.

I end up just touching up my mascara, my lips that used to be natural now have an open red, which somehow enhances my eyes, making me look more predatory.

I don't know how long I am overcome by cowardice, but I spend more time than necessary curling my hair, as if there could be some miracle there and my life would change completely.

I check the time on my wristwatch and realize that I am fifteen minutes locked inside the bathroom postponing the inevitable, I take a deep breath before gathering my things and the shred of dignity I had left and leaving the bathroom.

I almost fall back when I see Roman leaning on the hallway wall, one of his hands holding my bag and the other typing frantically on his cell phone, he looks very focused and serious, which makes you look very sexy.

I curse my brain for this kind of thought.

“ Do you think it's a good idea to go out together like this? “ I ask, pointing my head toward the corridor where the employees would be.

“ I couldn't care less," he says with that creepy coldness.

He starts to move and gives me a nod for me to follow him out of the building just like that, side by side, until we reach the restaurant, where the conversation I have been dreading all day would take place.