Chapter 2. MOI

Jax is an ass. He's an ass. He won't answer his phone despite my incessant calls and the only thing burning inside me is the urge to hit him over his head. I'm worried, now that I know about the demons he's dealing with, I'm not sure if leaving him to his own accord is the best thing to do. If he would only do away with his stubbornness and let Rider in. His best friend was dying to find him and make amends. To ensure that his Alpha knew that he still had others caring for him. People who wanted him safe and home. But no. Jax thinks his burden too heavy to share with anyone. It's a Alpha's burden to bear, to protect everyone from the monster that is creeping beneath his claws slowly and surely. If only the idiot understood he couldn't tame that demon alone.

I sigh once more resting my forehead against the cold column of my room. I was getting more and more invested in a world that doesn't intend on having me included. It's hard even for Halie who has a wolf as her mate. I'm just the wannabe human that will never be anything besides their enemy. I doubt they have even cleared me from being a Hunter.

It's one of the reasons Jax and my relationship have been strictly private. I can't yearn for anything else. But now with him being thrust from his pack, it should be easier but it isn't. I can see the hurt and betrayal in his eyes. The self blaming and resentment that lies in his heart. Silver Moon meant everything to him, the people were his life. How many Alpha's would be willing to kneel before their enemy? None. None. Not even his father.

The horror story of it all recalled by Rider and Halie has left a permanent scar in the back of my mind.

We managed to win a fight but opened another can of worms.

I released a shaky breath, reclining my body against the wall of my room. The mental stress of it all was taking a toll on me. If only there was something I could do. My head is ripped from the surface hearing my door open, Halie walking in with Rider in tow.

"Moi," He acknowledges stiffly.

I shook my head internally. Even with being with us for a few months he had yet to learn to chill or even be a little more, less formal. Yeah, Enzo will definitely not get on with him.

"Ashton," I answer watching as his face morphs into confusion before he scuttles away to find a place more comfortable.

"You like teasing him doesn't you? " Halie tossed in.

"He really needs to learn how to chill."

"What if he called you Ammoy?"

"He wouldn't dare!" I threatened paling at the thought of someone mentioning my full name. That was for emergencies only.

My best friend searches away in our fridge before taking out two bottles of water, tossing the extra to her mate.

"Shouldn't you guys have left already?"

"What's the rush in getting rid of me?"

"None," I shrug, already knowing I'm going to miss her. "It's a long drive."

"Yeah, I know but I still got to wait on my rotation papers. No point driving all the way and have to drive back." Halie reminds me. "Don't you have internship?"

"Yeah, I'm not ecstatic about it either."

"Let me guess, they're sending you to the psyche ward?"

"I wish. It's the health center." I correct. "These crazies are loose on the street."

"Their not crazy people, Moi."

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled. "Different planes of view."

"I shouldn't even have to remind you about this. Technically, I should be the one spuing that idiocracy."

"Well when you've seen what I've seen," I steal a look at Rider that's typing away on his phone. "Nothing is that exciting anymore."

My best friend bumps me on my shoulder going over to cosy up with her mate. I can't deny the sudden or overall glow Halie has being around Rider, or even the subtle way he adjusts himself to accommodate her. It's like they flow together like a stream. She's the bold, reckless and dramatic one while he's laid back, rigid and overprotective. The perfect combination, and the wall that keeps anyone else away. I don't doubt that Rider will put his neck on the line for Halie without thinking twice. He already risked his frail psyche when Ragna abducted her. He was willing to become a monster if it meant returning her and keeping her safe.

But what about me, what could I do to help Jax? Surely there had to be a cure, or a round about way to solve his necrotic parasite.

"Rider."

The leering Beta, glances up at me, his eyes warm as they move from his lover.

"Yes."

"How did you change from being a Berseker?"

There's a shift in energy in the room, Rider's jaw going taunt as his eyes divert from mine immediately. This wasn't a topic he was willing to utter out loud but I was desperate.

"That's not something I can give you one answer to."

"So then there is no cure?" I was clinging to the a final thread of hope that was thinning by the seconds. I needed Rider to throw me a life line. Something that will anchor me to reality and not sink my weeping soul.

"None that is known. No."

My heart falls flat and crushed. Jax's demons were just going to eat at him continuously until there wasn't any part of the man I loved- or anyone loved by extension was left. He had already admitted that he can barely control himself now. And that aura, when he changed before me, it was dark, ominous. I could almost sense his crave for blood and flesh. It wasn't Jax. It wasn't. It was a completely different person that felt like it would suck my soul. As if somehow I was transported to Tartarusus itself and I was now before Hades.

"But you're here. There has to be something."

Rider slides Halie onto the adjacent seat and from his lap, now angling himself to me.

"Is this about Jax? Has he gone Berserker again?"

"What no?" I answer quickly hoping to keep their suspicions at bay. If they found out the truth, that what he was, was much worse I wouldn't be able to outlive their scrutiny.

"Is that bad?" Halie enquires glancing between the both of us, the tension in the room becoming palable.

"Yes. That's how some of our pack members fell." Rider grits out. "So if you know something, if Jax is heading down that road again, I need to know and I need to know now."

I flinch at the judgment in his tone and the lingering threat behind his words. If anything happens to Jax,- if he does something that he wouldn't have otherwise done, I'll be the one to blame. But I can't. I can't betray Jaxon's trust even with the secret ripping me to shreds inside. He needs help. Help I can't afford him. Help that only Rider seems capable of giving to him, yet I find myself stifling my conscience and lying.

"It's not," I say hesitantly.

"Moi," He growls.

"It's not, it's not." I assure him quickly though I'm sure my apparent trembling gives me away. Rider sizes me up beneath his grisly stare that's trained to sniff out a lie. "I just... I just wanted to make sense of everything."

"There's nothing to make sense of," He huffs. "There's no cure full stop."

"Then how did you revert?" Halie enquires, taking his hand in hers, pulling him back to sit.

Rider simmers, blowing out a deep breath.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I couldn't even prevent the shift when I saw Ragna. I just knew I had to be stronger." He turns to Halie, regret pulling his expression into a deep frown. "I almost lost you. I had been so far gone, I hadn't even realized it had been you dangling off a cliff until it was almost too late."

"You had fallen into the water." I whispered. "Halie, you told me, Ragna had dropped you over the cliff."

"Yeah, he did."

"That's not what I think Rider is trying to say." I explained to Halie. "He's the reason why you fell. He almost killed you."

"It doesn't matter. Ragna was going to kill me either way." She huffs. "Rider saved me. He came looking. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been here."

"So then there's a way to reverse this madness." I conclude.

"I'm not sure what you want me to tell you, Moi" Rider says. "All I can say is, I wanted to find Halie. I had to keep her alive. That's all I could think about."

"I'm going to take a shower." Halie says, marching away. "If we've finished the interrogation."

I pretend to be busy, going back to Jax's puzzle in my mind. There's a cure, or at the very least a string of hope. I just don't know what it is yet. All I know is that it's tied to emotions.

"Moi," I jump, startled to find Rider close and attempt to make myself seem sane.

"Yes."

"Listen, I get you're trying to protect Jax-"

I place my hand up, moving to dissuade him.

"Really, it's not." I respond adding a small smile.

"Moi, this is serious." Rider folds his hands across his chest, black as tar eyes gazing back at me. "A berserker is dangerous, there's no telling what will happen next with them or what they won't do. IfJax is in that state, it's dangerous, even more so for you. He's an Alpha, Moi. Even though he doesn't have a pack protecting right now."

I blink, the truth of Rider's words ringing deep.

"You're not helping if he's in this state by not telling me where he is. Despite what the asshole thinks, I'm on his side."

"I know."

"Then help me, help him. Tell me where he is. Tell me please."

I shook my head. I wish I could tell him. But I can't.

"I can't"

"Moi.."

"I can't because I don't know where he is. I don't."

"Is he in trouble?" Rider enquires softly. "Has he gone berseker?"

"The last I saw him, he was fine. We talked, he laughed and made jokes. The same Jax."

Rider nods, soaking in all the information I've just dished as if it was a slice of steak.

"Finding an Alpha will be hard, but not impossible. You can trust me too Moi, not just Jax. He's my friend. The best. More like a brother I never had. I only want to help him. Everyone wants him back."

"He doesn't think he deserves his pack."

Rider turns his back, walking away before pausing to glance through the window.

"When you become Alpha, you swear to protect everything. Even if it means giving your life. A pup died under his watch, he murdered our pack mates." Rider shifts his head to gaze at me over his shoulder. "Those aren't crimes you can just throw beneath the rug."

"But none of that was his fault." I cried.

"I know. We all know." Rider continues his voice still uncannily quiet. "As far as I'm concerned it happened, but we still have a pack. He saved as many as he can, even strangers. That counts more in my book. Our world will not change if we don't embrace that it's changing. The only way Jax can save our pack is by coming home. By doing the very thing he's running from. Silver Moon belongs to him. It's his pride, nothing is going to get better if he hides away and pretend as if everything is alright."

"He's scared of being judged," I argued.

"That his secret is out? None of us have spotless fur. My father still has the scars of when I had turned too."

"But that's your dad, Rider. I doubt he will hold a grudge."

"If worrying about protecting a pack is what's keeping him away, then what will he do when there's no more pack to protect? Silver Moon is mostly outsiders now. All the people Halie had brought from Red Devil." Rider expounds. "Jax knows as well as I do, that that's only the smoke before the fire."

"I don't understand," I glance at Halie who has emerged from the bathroom, looking somewhat pensive.

"What did I miss?" She asks glancing between both of us. "Don't tell me you two were fighting? Rider?"

"What do you mean by that was just the smoke before the fire?" I repeat.

"We didn't kill all the Hunters. As a matter of fact, we don't even know the full number of Hunters in Cascade falls alone. Silver Moon is weak hence everyone else is vulnerable to attack and with the fact that we acted 'alone' the Federation will have repercussions. "

"You mean they are placing us as bait?" Halie exclaims.

"Worse, they think you both have something to do with the attack. Hence when they attack once more, and they will do it, we're all sitting ducks." Rider meets my eyes to drive his point home. "And without our Alpha, the pack is due to be annihilated."

In other words, Jax father isn't the best option that Silver moon has. But how can I tell them neither is Jax? Rider is right, Silver moon is facing the worse period of their lives.

How can we choose a better choice when the options are the devil and the deep blue sea?