With him, Jim.I didn’t notice a big mirror by the other side of the bed, so I walk and stand in front of it.I didn’t notice when Jim comes to me, even though I was in front of a mirror.I jolt when he wraps his hands around my waist.“Fuck!” I whisper yell.“What you thinking about, getting so lost?” Jim asks me, placing a kiss on my neck.“It’s nothing, baby. I just didn’t expect it” I smile and place my hands around his that’s on my waist.“Are you happy?” He asks, his question taking me by surprise.He turns my chest to face his, and he asks the question again.“Are you happy, princess?” He looks into my eyes, like he is looking for some sort of answer.And I’m afraid that my eyes might give into his stares.The child in my womb, the constant fights, my father, Jim’s mother.All these thoughts come rushing back.Am I really happy, or am I just trying not to think about it? I question.“Yes….. yes, I am” I say.I’m unsure of my words, so I'm shifting my gaze from his face and look
“Let’s get married,” Jim says even though his eyes are closing and he's sleepy.“Babe, what do you even mean by that?” I ask him.“Let’s get married,” he repeats.“Umm…. How about you get some rest, and we’ll talk more about that, okay?”“Okay” Jim says, and I leave him alone in the room.I walk back into the Kitchen and I see that Kendra is trying to chop off some vegetables.“What are you trying to make, Kens?”“Just a vegetable salad and some pasta” she says“Oh been long I ate a vegetable salad”“Well, we were just working with what we had”“That’s true… praying for a soft life for us”“Amen….. So what’s up with Jim… everything okay?” Kendra asks.“Yeah, why?”“Cause he called you and all of that, so I was hoping there was no problem and stuff like that” Kendra concludes“Oh, there’s no problem. He just proposed” I say, the realization of what happened, dawning on me.“That’s crazy girlll… so when’s the wedding”“Well, I don’t think he’s being for real so cause he’s been in his fe
But, I’m scared of him, I’ve always been scared of him.Maybe I should let myself stop falling this hard, maybe I could rise up and then it wouldn’t be this late.I go ahead to lie in bed with him, I maneuver my way into his hands.I’m in between his hands and it’s calming.If he is like a drug, then I would always want to be high.He opens his eyes a little, and I can’t help but regret waking him up.“Princess, is that you?” He asks, still sounding very sleepy.“Yeah it’s me, I didn’t mean to wake you up baby” I say“It’s fine” he says, adjusting me to lay perfectly in between his arms.“Are you comfortable?” I ask.“Yeah I am princess, you?”“Yeah I’m good”His arm lays across my shoulder, and he uses his other arm to support my head. Like my pillow.I know it would get a little uncomfortable for him, but I don’t mind it anyway.It’s not long, and his breathing becomes calmer and his muscle relaxes, which tells me that he was asleep again.It doesn’t take long before I fall asleep t
“Bye guys” I say and walk back to the kitchen to meet Kendra.“So? What to do? I really love how they’re getting together, and I don’t want to interrupt it” Kendra says.If only she knew what got them talking like that.“Yeah, I love it… I think you should get to know Jim too”.“Don’t worry Ana, I have a lot of time to get to know Jim” she says and hands a pack of smarties chocolate over to me.“Let’s go to my room and look for some fun things that we could do together”“Would Joel be okay with me walking into your room?” I ask.“Yeah, of course. I don’t think he’ll mind. Plus, we’re trying to create fun activities”.“Alright then, if you say so”Kendra leads the way and I make sure to grab a piece of donut.“You know if you continue eating like that, you’re going to be obese?”“Well I do, I’ll start working out, I guess”“So you said last month”“Let’s just blame my appetite on the baby,” I say when we’re inside Kendra’s room.“I’m guessing you still haven’t told him”“Kendra, I will
But-It’s nothing.It’s always been this type of family I’ve prayed for, for myself and for Kendra.Men who would see our imperfections and dark scars and still love us the way we are.“Are you okay princess?” Jim asks me, distracting me from my thoughts.“Yeah I am, I am really,” I say, convincing him that I am indeed fine.“So, when are we going to the swimming pool?” Kendra asks, and I can tell that she is eager.“Just when the sun goes down and the day is a bit darker… In the next three hours probably” Jim says.“Three hours” sticks in my brain and I can imagine doing nothing but watching a lame ass Korean movie for three hours.“That’s quite a lot of time, what do you think we can do before then?”“Watch this punishment of a movie” Joel blurts out, and his British accent makes it even funnier.Kendra smacks Joel on his hands, making everything funnier.“Do you know that hurt?” Joel asks, still laughing.“You deserve it to be honest,” Kendra says.“Jim, I am guessing that you migh
“Trust me to lead you,” Jim tells me, taking me off guard.The gravity of his words.But I wished it was used to describe something else, other than a swimming pool.Something like the battle of life. Something else.“I will” I smile.I grab my towel from the towel holder and wrap it around my chest.Jim does the same and wraps it around his waist.There’s a soft knock on our door.Jim and I halt in our steps, like we’re thief’s and we’re robbing a house.Just one more step will get us shot.Jim and I look at ourselves and use our eyes to communicate.“We’re fucked” we both chorus.“Yes” I say out loud, responding to the person at the door.“Ana, we’ve been waiting for you both since. What are y’all doing?”“Umm…. We just decided to take a shower, but I’m coming out now… out of the room”.“Okay, where’s Jim?”“I’m here, Kendra, what’s up?” Jim says, and it’s obvious that he’s trying to play it cool.“Could I have the keys to the door? The one leading to the swimming pool”.“Yeah sure,
Jim’s POV“Anastasia!!” Kendra yells, swimming to meet Anastasia.“Princess!” I yell and dive into the pool.I’m too late, Kendra already has her in her hands, bringing her to the surface while Joe rushes to the other side of the pool to help her out.“Princess” I say calmly when I’m out of the water and beside a lifeless Anastasia.Anastasia’s head is placed on Kendra’s legs and Joel tries to give her mouth-to-mouth respiration.But I’m frozen.It’s me, it’s my fault.Joel continues trying to carry out CPR on Anastasia, and I don’t even move.I see her hand twitch, and I know she’s coming back to life.“Jim get a towel,” Kendra yells at me.I don’t move. I’m aware of every situation that’s happening right now, but I can’t even control myself.I want to take her away from Joel’s hold, I want to be the one carrying out the CPR for my girl, but my body doesn’t let me.“Are you deaf? Go get her some towels Jim” Kendra yells at me again, and I’m still standing.The same spot.One last pre
“Yes” Anastasia blurts out and it saddens me. For her to think that I’m still capable of hurting her.Why should I hurt her when I say I love her?“But that’s not true princess. I swear I would never hurt you on purpose”“Sigh” she says and sighs“Princess were supposed to be having fun and not fighting, that’s the point of a vacation, right?”“Jim…. Why didn’t you help me? I don’t know what happened but when I opened my eyes, I saw Joel’s face, not yours. Then I saw Kendra’s face, I still didn’t see yours. I looked for you and there you were, standing Jim. You couldn’t even be the one to walk me in. You didn’t make a goddamn effort Jim. And then you say you love me. Is that really love Jim?” She asks, this time around, she sits up and anger is visible in her words.But I’m not sure if it’s anger or pain, or if it’s both.“It felt like a past moment played before me, like something like that has happened in the past. Princess it’s scary I know but you gotta believe me”“Jim” she says