to have a crush, Aditi, is to submit to the truth that man deliberately seeks out sufferance. And, well, sex
_Dr. Amiruddin's dusty lawn and bright orange house (less house and more shack, really) stuck out wildly in the row of neat houses with neat picket fences and neatly planted flowerbeds. A pentagon-shaped garage constructed of pine wood and a tin roof stood at an odd angle on one side of the lawn, inside which was a car nobody had ever seen being driven in. Half a helmet and a pile of misshapen wood lay haphazardly on the other side. Beside the house, two ash trees stood forlornly, shrivelled but tall, a hammock dangling between them.Frowning, I halted at the gate, because the gate wasn't there. Immediately afterwards, I noticed it hovering in the air a few metres away. I jumped in surprise.Skeptical, I walked over to it and gingerly poked the rusty gate hovering a foot above my height, but it didn't so much as wobble. I found a thin, horribly uneven translucent stick of glue supporting it from the bottom, stuck to a single blade of grass that poked out bravely from the dirt in the barren yard.Shaking my head lightly, I walked over to the porch. The porch itself was not ordinary, either. From the roof of the one-storied house, a slide painted in neon green descended onto it and it was cushioned with brown puffs of coconut husk to avoid injuries from skidding off the slide.I rapped my knuckles on the bright blue door twice. When no response was heard, I twisted the knob and peered inside. As usual, the room was stuffed with an array of peculiar objects (a half-destroyed harmonium, large tubs of god-knows-what, a few bales of hay, several piles of books threatening to topple over, a hammock tied to the window grill and a table leg, etc.). The only clean section of this room was what had originally been a kitchen counter but had now been converted to a lab.When I, reluctant to walk over to him lest I knocked something over, piped up with a 'hi, Doc', Dr. Amiruddin looked up from behind the flasks and test tubes filled to various depths with lavender fluids.Putting his safety goggles and gloves aside, Doc made his way over to me with half a smile. He must've returned from the hospital, because his baby pink shirt, having been rolled up to his elbows, was crisp and pressed, and he was wearing formal trousers instead of the usual baggy tee and sweatpants. His carefully combed black hair had silvered above his ears, and even though Doc's skin was beginning to slacken from his sharp features with age, I knew that Bapi was jealous of his tall firm figure."How's life, Aditi?" He kissed the tip of my forehead, and before I could answer, he ushered me out. "Come on outside, let's have a cup of tea."Dr. Amiruddin and I had the kind of relationship where he treated me as an equal in emotional maturity, and I in return filled him in on every bit of Edelweiss gossip I knew. We bonded over Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Ross' 'WE WERE ON A BREAK', and the general irrationality of other teens and adults. And I used to have a bit of a crush on him until very recently. It made my friends call me demented, but it was really hard not to - he was amazingly cool. He knew it, and he wasn't a bitch about it. Sometimes, he said with Shakespearean wisdom, "To have a crush, Aditi, is to submit to the truth that man deliberately seeks out sufferance. And, well, sex."Spotting the gate again as we stepped outside, I asked, "What's with the gate?"Doc, busy with diligently lighting the small kerosene stove outside with a lighter, glanced at the gate once before returning to the burner. "Oh, I, uh, wrenched it open with the wire-cutter thing.""No, I mean," I laughed lightly, making my way over to the hammock. Doc loves hammocks. There used to be more of them all around the lawn, but he'd chopped the trees down once for some weird experiment. "Why's it floating?""Oh, that. Behold my latest invention — Super Strong Nearly Invisible Adhesive, Suh-suh-nya. Don't judge." Doc chuckled, getting up from the stove, where a steel kettle was now perched."What even?"I laughed again, glad that I'd decided to come over. My phone pinged with a text and I pulled it out from the pocket of my denims to find Ever's number on the screen.-Hey, you alright yet?I quickly typed in the reply.-I already told you last night, I'm fine-Chill, mah dudeMy legs dangling from the hammock, I invited Doc to sit next to me. We peacefully sipped on the tea as the evening light reflected off it in the china cups, giving it a beautiful pale yellow hue. "Hey Doc, weren't you supposed to ask out that guy from work?"He smiled sheepishly as he put the cup to his lips. "I was, wasn't I? Because he absolutely radiates rainbow vibes. But apparently he told Dr. Winchester that he hates gay people," Doc shrugged, his smile dissolving into solemnity."Aw, that sucks. But as Jake Peralta said, all homophobes are secretly gay," I comforted, squeezing his free hand. Doc grinned at the reference, displaying his perfectly aligned teeth."You know something, Aditi? There's this weird thing. You know opium poppies?""Flowers that make you high, that's cool as fuck," I said, lifting the corner of my lips in appreciation, and Doc gave me a pointed look. I rolled my eyes in return. "You can't handle curse words but tell little girls, aka me, that you have a schoolgirl crush on their father?""You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?" He stated drily, making me grin more widely in return. I wondered how much longer I'd be able to keep the secret from Bapi."You were saying something about poppies?" I probed, finishing off the tea and placing the cup on the ground."Oh, yes. So, I went on a walk, last night, and I found a few poppy flowers in the poppy fields out at the edge of the town," he said, the usual playfulness in him mitigated."You're drunk, aren't you?"He shook his head, chuckling. "No, you don't understand! I saw opium poppies.""But— isn't that banned?" It was in the TV a few summers back. After news spread that the opium was being smuggled from Edelweiss, the government banned opium poppy farming here. Some families decided to suck it and cultivate California poppies instead, which somehow grew remarkably in Edelweiss' climate."Exactly. But there were very few of them. What if someone's growing them, somewhere close?""Wicked," I whispered absent-mindedly. "Poppy? Nicotine, heroine, morphine?""Yes, Camila Cabello. And what's more, this is not even the season for poppies to bloom," Doc stated with a hint of conspiracy in his voice."Really? But then, what are you suggesting?"Doc's voice dramatically dropped to a whisper, "I'm suggesting...genetically modified opium poppies.""Wouldn't you need a lab for that, though?" I asked thoughtfully, scratching my knee, where a mosquito had just bitten. There were a lot of mosquitoes on Doc's land."The nearest lab with the required technology is in London, and even then, you'd need permission to use those facilities. I don't know, Aditi. Something awfully wrong is going on in here."-you're the Neville_The remnants of summer in Edelweiss were nearly gone now, but some traces still lingered. As I sat cross-legged by myself on the slope leading from the road to the gorgeous poppy fields in full bloom, warm rays from the setting sun cast a mysterious honey glow on the flowers, as if they were sharing an elaborate secret. I smiled.I eyed the pair of birds swooping around playfully in the sky with acute jealousy. Not trapped at all by their own emotions. So free.Hearing rhythmic footsteps approaching, I glanced to the road. Spotting a young man sporting a black tee and black shorts was jogging on with earphones in, I looked back to the fields.When the footsteps stopped right beside me, I cautiously looked up. "Okay, why are you spying on me, West?" I raised my brows and dramatically pursed my lips, making him roll his eyes. He climbed down to sit on the grass beside me."I'm not spying on you. I live here," he breathed, still a smidgen out of breath. A bead of swe
"Call me West," I mimicked him, feigning a squeaky voice. "Bloody jerk!"Fuming vehemently, I rode DiCaprio home. West had come to school yesterday after skipping the first three days of the week and had asked for permission to sit with us at lunch, from EVER, not from me, as if we didn't have a heart-to-heart a few days before. Proceeding to climb in beside me (which earned me equally suggestive looks from Lee, Art, Troy and Ever), he barely acknowledged my existence and instead blabbered on to Ever about basketball strategies. And then, after school today, even after I'd called after him twice, he'd brushed past me. So it's official: Just West is ignoring me. Sticking the dull key into the doorknob, I kicked my shoes off, leaving them to lie wildly in the foyer. I climbed the steps to my room - two at a time. As I plunged face-first into my bed and clutched the kolbalish tightly in my arms, I felt like crying. Sitting upright, I grimaced at the sight of the gorgeous forest green l
I eyed the yellow sticky note lying on the floor of my locker with interest. Glancing down the hall in both directions, I found nobody suspicious amid the green-and-white clad students and thus picked up the paper in my palm to get a better look.With immaculate timing, Ever decided to show up and snatch the paper from my grasp, making me yelp in surprise. He used his height to keep the paper out of my reach, and read it aloud. "Jo ek lad kee ko deikha toh ayza lega? What is this?" His scrunched up brows relaxed when he looked over my head and waved to somebody. As I turned to see who it was, my stomach did a somersault.West's hair was visibly damp as he ran his hands through it, his features fresher than ever. When he'd strolled over to us, Ever eyed him mischievously and made to hand him the paper. "Ever Richards, don't you fucking dare," I tried to catch hold of it, but West managed to snatch it from Ever's grasp as I was inches from it. I facepalmed."Jo ek ladki ko dekha toh aysa
"WHAT?!" Earning several turned heads, I bit my tongue. We stood by the balcony of the high-ceilinged hall with its avant-garde decor, detached from the simmering crowd of relatives and family friends. I lowered my voice to a hush, "What? No, Fariah! Fucking no!"Fariah grimly tapped the floor with her heels. I eyed them with jealousy - Ma never let me wear pencil heels, she said that it makes people conceited, which is pure bullsit. "Well, Zayan seemed to hit it off with you at Fiona Api's wedding. It seemed fishy to me too when he bitched about you like that," she muttered, tapping her lip with her index. "Did something happen between you two?"As I struggled to answer the question, to my relief, a figure appeared beside me to save me. I was low-key getting mad at continuously being the damsel in distress, by the way, but West's look quelled my chagrin and invoked appreciation."Hi, Fariah," West greeted, settling into a comfortable stance beside me. The teal shirt peeking from unde
"So, this is a fancy wedding," West remarked, his eyes on the champagne fountain in a corner. It wasn't something you typically see at a Bangladeshi wedding, only Bengali elitists and drunkards drink in public. Bapi had remarked that it was a method of giving oneself delusions of Western (well, and Christian) grandeur. We were following the gang of cousins back to the centre of the room as the bride and groom sat on a royal blue sofa on the stage, posing for photos. Just a while ago, they'd exchanged their vows and wedding rings."Yeah. It's pretty much the fanciest I've ever been to," I replied, smiling at the kid who'd just toppled over a mound of sweets and was looking around to see if anybody had noticed."Adi!" I halted at Bapi's voice. West paused as well. Bapi briskly walked over to us, staring curiously at West."Er- Bapi, this is West, he's the groom's family friend, and my classmate at EA," I explained, low-key impressed by my own proficiency at lying."Assalamu Alaikum, un
The first time Lee and I had gotten in trouble because of the boys had been when they'd sneaked porn magazines into the school and hid one in each of our bags. And I never thought that I'd say this, but this time's punishment was worse than watching Miss Flaxen and Mr. Gonzales flirt in detention everyday for a month.On Thursday, the six of us uncomfortably shuffled out from the Principal's office. Troy was the first to groan. "I don't believe this.""I literally know nothing about planning something this big," West huffed, violently shoving his hands into his trouser pockets and leaning defeatedly against the wall. I realised that the corridor in front of Principal Sen's office always had a limey scent about it."You're worried about the planning? I can't believe that they're cheating us out of our prom night," Lee cried, on the verge of tears. I slung my arm around her waist (I had a tough time reaching her shoulders)."I've been dreaming about a senior prom for forever. And why th
Okay. This is getting ridiculous.Holding the blue sticky note in my hand, I banged my forehead against the locker door. In the familiar neat cursive, the words 'I'd prefer your kisses to the sun's, even in the bleakest winter' were written on the paper."If you're trying to cause concussion, check out jumping from a cliff. It'd be more efficient," West's deep voice chimed in and I almost smiled at his sarcasm. Almost. I turned to face West, now casually leaning against the locker beside me with a hand shoved in the pocket of his green school trousers, the thumb sticking out."Hi to you too," I grumbled, making a vain attempt to rub the tiredness from my eyes with a finger. As we made eye contact, the warmth of his brown eyes had a chamomile-tea effect on my mood."Ever and Lee broke up," he stated calmly, studying me as if he were trying to figure something out."I know. It sucks," I shut the locker door with a thud, leaning on it like him.He raised an eyebrow at me. "You're really
I trudged down the steps to find Troy, Art and West sitting lazily on the kitchen chairs, eyes glued to their phones. "Is Ever still out back?" I asked, and West nodded, accompanied by a best-of-luck-don't-die-out-there look. Taking a breath to recompose myself, I walked out."Ever, what the hell?!" Clearly, inhaling to calm oneself down is overrated. He turned around - the characteristic tranquility in his eyes had vanished and a hint of frenzy swirled in them. Poor thing."Hey, Adi, will you go to the dance with me?" he pleaded, and I placed a hand on my hip, pursing my lips. "Shut up. You said that you and Lee have been fighting over petty things, but that's not true, is it?" I accused. Ever's gaze flickered from mine to the side from guilt."That's irrelevant. Can't we start it over? You and I? Please, Aditi," he insisted, stepping closer.I groaned, smacking my hand to my forehead. "Noooo, Ever! The hell's wrong with you?!""I think I love you," he softly stated, stepping back a
"Hey.""Hi," I breathed, letting myself melt into my bedsheets at the way his voice made my chest tremble slightly."You know, I'm on a walk.""Oh yeah?" A smile broke out across my face when I heard Rani's protesting 'mrewol' from aside. "I guess cats aren't big walkers." It was a week after a whirlwind of exams and sleepless nights, and the day before the new moon of Ramadan.A tantalising smell of beef managed to seep in through the slit under my door, making me sniff at the air. From the kitchen, Ma and Khammi's loud exchange could be heard as they argued over the right time to put in the garlic cloves in the curry. "Yeah...and there's this lake in here. It's small. Almost cute. And you know what, come over, and bring a change of clothes. I'm gonna teach you swimming," Samar said."I-I kinda have guests over," I hesitated, despite having perked up at the idea at first. "Khammi's here with Fariah.""Seriously? It's nine in the morning," he complained as Rani again meowed loudly fr
what a fucked up little worldMy blood running cold, I gingerly raised my arms as instructed, exchanging a terrified look with West. Romeo's dashboard had started to ping manically with messages from Doc, but viewing them was out of the question now. We stepped out of the car on shaky legs. The two black-clad men pointing the guns at our heads had pale skin and monolidded eyes, and their accent was glaringly Asian when they commanded us to move forward. I noticed West's strides becoming steadier with each step while mine turned more rickety. Inching closer to me, he interlaced his fingers with mine, whispering, "Don't worry, they won't dream of hurting us, they're- they're my mother's men."I gripped West's hand with fierce force, glad that the men holding us hostage didn't mind. Although it was evident by the conviction in his voice that he knew what he was talking about, West's words had little impact on the chemical reactions raging on inside my head - how I didn't vomit then was
we'll never make itWest's grip on my hand was firm enough to break my fall with a sharp tug. "What the hell?" I cried, studying the gobsmacked expression gracing West's features. Pulling myself upright, hand still in West's, I followed his gaze to the gaping blackness where the bookcase had stood moments ago. Gently pushing me aside, he took a tentative step across the threshold.At once, a series of lights flipped on inside as if by magic. I jumped a little with surprise, my hand shooting up to clutch at his arm, a whirlwind of wonder and trepidation rapidly rising in my chest.The staircase that had now emerged plunged deeper into the earth with each glass step. West and I exchanged an anxious look. "This is some next level shit," I finally said, shaking my head with disbelief. "A fucking secret door? Explain yourself, West.""I-I've never seen this before," West stammered, making me raise a brow in concern. "You knocked out this book," he said, letting go of my waist to crouch do
let's forget all the crazy things happening, just for tonighthttps://images.app.goo.gl/1z6JXrmFLHeNrbxv6The rose gold choker necklace glinted in the orange glow of the lamp overhead. I picked it up from the dresser and inspected the glinting set of the choker and jhumkas, perfectly matching my simple yellow saree with pink floral pattern on its sheer organza surface which came with a lovely onion pink blouse. Fariah had gifted me the saree in exchange for helping her come out to Khammi as bi, and a small smile appeared on my face at the remembrance.Quickly slipping them on, I took a few seconds to appreciate my cat eyeliner, rich pink lipstick and painstakingly perfected hair.Let's forget all the crazy things happening, just for tonight.A loud knock at the front door managed to make my heart stop for a split second. "Coming!" I yelled loudly, and slipped my phone inside the hidden pocket on the underside of my blouse. The Taryn Rose heels fit my feet like Cinderella's slippers. A
I turned the blue scissors in my grip from side to side, as if the logic of what I was about to do was etched on its surface. DON'T DO IT! - part of me screamed. YASS BITCH JUST DO IT - the other part yelled louder. Trembling, my hand guided the glinting metal all the way up until it was just above my neck.Snap. A lengthy black lock of curly hair plummeted to the bathroom floor. "Holy shit," I muttered at my gawking reflection. "This is a really shitty coping mechanism. I love it."Snap, snap, snap.-"How's it going with the dance? Isn't it tomorrow?" Bapi asked, plopping down on my bed and taking a bite of the samosa Khammi had brought yesterday. Reeking of Old Spice, he had evidently tried his best to clean up for his first day at work after 9 days. "Don't worry, I haven't messed up any more," I muttered. As I cracked my knuckles, the crunches sounded thunderous in the autumn silence."No, I mean, who're you going with?" He finished off the samosa without a hint of gusto and disc
funnily enough, even though the nights seemed everlasting, the thoughts wouldn't end when the sun came outI woke up to a startlingly loud sob. Groggily, I untangled myself from the sheets, the white dress from last night clinging to my body. The rattle of the newspaper guy's old cycle echoed up through the window as he cycled past us. Trying to rub the sleep from my eyes, I followed the feminine sobs down the stairs.Khammi appeared distraught. Dressed in a simple cotton kameez, she sat on a tool near the base of the stairs, trying to muffle her sobs with her pink dupatta. The moment she spotted me with her bulging watery eyes, making me yelp, she launched up from her seat and pulled me into a crushing hug, her wailing jumping a pitch. Mortified, I scrambled away from her, wondering what the hell was happening. The clock hanging on the wall above the couch said that it was 7 in the morning and it had brightened outside, but nobody had remembered to turn off the glaring light. Consi
see the soul under the skinArt scowled at West's retreating figure like a connoisseur of art would at a hippie who'd graffitied a penis on Mona Lisa's head, and patted my shoulder with her soft hand. "Hey, fuck boys, right? Give it a whirl, girl! Nothing gets you over a guy like dancing."And so we danced. We danced until my feet hurt in the Everlane heels borrowed from Lee, and then I took off the heels and danced some more. Once it no longer mattered that who was watching and judging, I had nothing to fear.When we cut the huge two-tier cake, I grinned despite the word spreading like wildfire that Ruby and West had made out during a particularly passionate round of seven minutes in heaven. Ramming a piece of chocolate cake all over Ever's face while pretending to feed him, I made a wave of laughter reverberate across the room, my own sounding the loudest. Ever reached for me with a fistful of cake, but I ducked and he smeared the cake on Lee's collarbone instead. Art, Troy and I ca
"I literally don't know why the hell he hasn't asked you out yet," Lee complained, stowing the folded clothes delicately inside the closet. I was grateful for her intervention, but it was a reluctant gratitude. I liked my room like I liked myself - messed up. "I know, right? I'm getting tired of his shameless flirting," Art said, lowering her feet from my desk and swiveling on my chair to face me. I squirmed under their gazes."Why're you guys looking at me like it's my fault? It's really not. Or maybe it is, I dunno," I swung my feet, resting limply on the bed, to the soft texture of the green carpet. It caressed the soles of of feet as I drew patterns on it with my toe. The carpet became a darker green when swiped my toe forward and lighter when I moved it backwards, and this phenomenon seemed considerably more engaging than our conversation."Hey," Art leaned closer to me conspiratorially. "What if you ask him out?""I was kinda thinking the same thing," pleased, I muttered, cover
Having had enough, I meandered through the crowd, not apologising when I stepped on people's shoes or pushed them. When I made it to the front, my blood ran cold. I staggered backwards in surprise, and would've fallen if West hadn't caught me by the waist.After the waves of shock had passed, a storm of sadness suddenly built up in my chest and I started sobbing, turning around and burying my face in West's chest without much thought. I forced my eyes shut. Sharmaji's dead body on the floor and his blood drying on the bullet wounds remained charred to my sight. "Aditi!" The woman who'd been shrieking and wailing in a heartbreaking tune called out, making me swivel and rub the tears off my eyes. "Ah! No more new sweets, no more free sweets for you! The halwai is gone, they've taken my halwai, oh lord!" she yelled, and fell unconscious on the gravel road in a miserable heap. Some people rushed forward to help, but I didn't have the strength to.I looked to the sky, feeling several drop