I leave Ryle's house after we've had breakfast. I tell him I'll just hail a taxi even though he keeps on insisting he'll drive me home. In the end, I've won the argument. I thank him for the treat and then leave him with a short kiss and tight embrace. He gives me a sweet 'I love you' before taking me on my ride, outside their beautiful village.Yes. I haven't told him about the whole truth yet. He's assured me that he's not forcing me to tell him about whatever the reason I acted stupidly the other night. And I guess I'm glad that he thinks like that. He's not putting pressure on me. At the same time, I feel terrible. Why? Because I've kept the truth from him for so long telling him about it has become a burden to me. It sucks. It does, and I can't help but think I'm being selfish and untrustworthy. It's quite a fact though. I've been concentrating on my own well-being — reputation — without regard for Ryle's right to know about things I do. That's an act of egocentricity. At least I
It's been a long day of stress. Yes. A day filled with mental tension. I need a stress ball right now. I just want to squeeze this heavy feeling in me out. I wish this wasn't real, but it unfortunately is. 'Pitiful, Stella, isn't it? You're in an onerous situation,' my subconscious mocks me. Okay, yeah. I won't deny it. My ball game right now is burdensome. The state of my mind right now is somewhat laggard. And there's nobody to blame but me. It's me who's done this to myself. Who's made me feel like this. It's all on me.I don't go to the art studio today. I'm just right here, in the ghostly silent apartment, sitting in the living room darker than pitch-black. I think I'm going to be allergic to sunlight today. To people. To the surroundings. I don't feel like going out. I don't want to see Ryle either. I need to be alone on this day. I need some space and peace. I need my mind to be clearer, which sounds ridiculous because I feel like it will never be clear. Not now.So, yes. I gue
Day passes in a blink of an eye. After a busy morning at the art studio, I get back to the apartment. I'm going to visit Mom in the afternoon before I prepare myself for Reign's birthday party. I wonder what will happen there. I hope it isn't too loud and crowded for my sanity, which sounds impossible because Reign is a very social person. I'm sure there will be a lot of people that will attend. The venue will surely have a flood of heads. Anyway, let's not worry about that yet. It's still early for casual anxiety.I make a bowl of macaroni and cheese, two French toast, and a cup of cold apple juice. I just need some stuff in my stomach, so I just take enough portions. After a quick lunch, I take a warm bath to wash paint and ink drops off my skin. I then slide into a simple, peach pair of clothes after the bath. While tying my shoelaces, I can't help but think about what happened yesterday — about Kent. Everything happened so quickly. Everything he said was right, and I can't bring m
Ryle and I haven't gone to the venue yet. It's still early. I’m being silently anxious here in front of the mirror. Meanwhile, Ryle is in the kitchen. I don't know what he's doing. I guess he's having a little snack or sipping coffee. Anyway, what I’m seeing right now in the mirror is something I’ve never seen for some time. I look like a decent human being, except I’m mentally uneasy. I turn around and I look socially acceptable. My makeup is light, just to hide the paleness of my skin, and my hair is done in a French braid. I was irritated earlier when I was doing my hair because Ryle was being a reporter, asking me about stuff randomly. Favorite color, animal, place, dish, subject, and whatever he seemed to find worth asking. I couldn't focus on styling my hair. Anyway, it kind of made me less nervous.I then put on the silver necklace with a small crescent pendant hung on it and the bracelet Mom bought me two years ago. I haven't used them for ages. They look pretty on me. I wear
This is weird. This is a very weird scene. I wish this wasn't real, but it is. It's happening in real time. We're seated right now around this huge table. I’m in between Ryle and Lia. Colton is with Lia. I guess they're really serious with each other now. Sara? Yes, Sara is here, and Lia and I couldn't be more glad. We haven't seen her for months. And now she's here. She's gained some weight, and I’m glad she's taking care of her health since we know she experienced depression a year ago. Her partner, Lee, isn't here, but the stories she's told make us trust Lee for her. He's a nice, respectful guy. Sara deserves this. My friends look all glamorous today. I didn't think that we’d have a little trio reunion at Reign's birthday party.So, going back to the ‘weirdness’ that's been going on since we came here. Besides us, other close friends of Reign are at the table. Beside her is a cute girl from another high school, and on the other side is my cousin — Marco who's been indifferently ey
Morning rises fast. My alarm clock goes off and I quickly get up. I slap Ryle’s naked back and then shake his body again when he doesn't respond.And then his head turns to me. “What?” he hoarsely asks.“Don’t you have classes today?” I say, looking at his wristwatch placed on my side table“We don't have today. It's a free day. You have?” he says. Oh, yes. I forgot. Reign told me we didn't have either. I wonder what’s the reason behind it. “Can you just get back here beside me? It's literally five-thirty in the morning,” he adds.“No. I guess I’ll have a morning—”I don't have the opportunity to end my sentence when Ryle pulls me back to bed and then wraps an arm around my waist, my back against his bare chest. “Let's stay in bed for another hour. I’ll make breakfast,” he says with a sleepy tone.I insert my fingers between his and simply let time pass. I’ll give Ryle his needed nap. I close my eyes as I relish the warmth Ryle’s skin gives off. While trying to get back to sleep, I re
There it is. It's done. I’ve accomplished it, to tell Ryle the truth about who I spent his money on. I was nervous all my explanation long, but Ryle being him, all I received from him was pure acceptance and tenderness. I didn't feel any negative energy from him and he said he didn't regret anything either. In fact, he told me he idolized me for being courageous and independent at my age, that it was me who helped Mom, not him, and that I couldn't be more proud to have such a humble, loving boyfriend. I love him for that. I love him for everything. Everything he’s got and done for me. He’s a treasure, and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep that treasure safe. I’m not the only one who needs to have comfort and safety in this relationship, he also does, so I’ll do whatever I can just to make feel appreciated and loved as well. He deserves it indeed.Anyway, in the late afternoon, he tells me to go with him to his favorite fast food chain when he was a child. He says he’s been missing bein
The night sky may be serene and full of stars, but my night is gloomy. It has been since we left the fast-food chain. My brain seems not to work. My flesh has fluxed. My spirits have descended. I can't think of anything but the face I saw in the fast-food place, and it's Ryle’s favorite place in his childhood, and that idea makes the situation even worse. Why did I have to see that person’s face? Why did his presence have to just jump out of the void? Why would he appear like he’s never done anything? Why would he look at me with shock knowing that I’ve despised him with all of my guts? It just doesn't make sense. He doesn't make any fucking sense at all. He was gone already, and I was happy about it. Now he’ll come back? Reall, in this city? For fuck’s sake. Fate really is terribly neutral. I thought it was in my favor already. O Heavens, why? Just why? And now? I have so many questions in my head, and I don’t see any answers to them any sooner. I hate this day. I’m sorry for Ryle I s
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A new morning rises. It's Saturday and the day is fully packed for me. First, I’ll be at the art studio to finish up a project I left last Sunday. Second, I’ll go to the address Mister Fabio gave me. There isn't a schedule or what, so I'll just go after lunch. I still don't know what to expect. I guess I’ll just let fate do its thing. And last but not least, I’m going to Ryle’s house in the early evening. It's time to face him, whether he likes it or not. But I’d like the earlier more.After slipping into my slippers, I excitedly get out of the room. I immediately smell the breakfast Mom has prepared. I go to the dining room and find Mom stirring her tea while listening to the faint broadcast on her old radio. “Good morning, Mom,” I greet before giving her a tight embrace. “How are you feeling?”She smiles after turning the radio off. “I’ve been good lately. No side effects from medication. My stitches have already healed. Everything is fine,” she says. She stands up. “I’ll just make
When I open my still-hurting eyes, I find myself lying on Mom's hospital bed. She's seated by me, a magazine in her hands. She casually flips pages until she notices me yawning. "It's breezy all day long," she says.I sit straight and then look at her but still lost in thoughts. "Yeah. Good morning," I say before getting off the bed. I sit down on a stool and then smell a strong aroma — coffee. I turn my head around and eventually see the trail of smoke, leading my eyes to two cups of coffee on the table."Take one, sweetheart," Mom orders.I obey. It's coffee. Everything caffeinated is life nowadays. As warmth goes down my freezing insides, satisfaction is what I feel. Coffee really makes me pleased."Good, isn't it?" Mom queries.I nod in agreement. It's coffee, so it has to be good."Just give me the signal if you're comfortable already to talk about it, the reason that made you sob last night," she says, reaching for her cup."How did I get onto your bed?" I change the topic unint
I’ve almost gotten out of my room when I look back at my charging phone. I sit on my bed and the plugged my charger out. I look at Ryle's number before finally hitting the ‘Call’ button. While my phone is ringing, I’m thinking of what I’m going to tell him. I shouldn't sound that curious even though I've actually been since the other night. He's my boyfriend, and I'm his girlfriend. He deserves space, and I do deserve why he needs one, or so I thoughy. He shouldn't be doing this alone. He can share to me what's going on because I hate myself sitting on the mattres and overthinking things.
It's already lunch. I’m sitting alone at a table, eating whatever it is on my tray. I really didn't pick these. Reign did. I was rechecking our team output for Chemistry in the classroom so I told her ‘Just grab me whatever you think I’d like,’ and she didn't fail. She's currently sitting with her girlfriends. She invites me to join them, but I tell her I need to review for Math while filling in my stomach. I hope she knows I’m not as brainy in Math as she naturally is.Anyway, in the following minutes, all I’ve done is sigh and yawn in front of the Trigonometry section of the textbook. It feels like nothing is coming into my mind but void and void. The topic isn't that difficult to grasp. I’m just the problem. I kind of lack appropriate motive to face a book and write essays since Lester dropped me off. His words have been reverberating in my mind, and I can't find a way how to block them. I'm aware that it totally is unhealthy, but overthinking is enveloping every corner of my brain
When I open my still-hurting eyes, I find myself lying on Mom's hospital bed. She's seated by me, a magazine in her hands. She casually flips pages until she notices me yawning. "It's breezy all day long," she says.I sit straight and then look at her but still lost in thoughts. "Yeah. Good morning," I say before getting off the bed. I sit down on a stool and then smell a strong aroma — coffee. I turn my head around and eventually see the trail of smoke, leading my eyes to two cups of coffee on the table."Take one, sweetheart," Mom orders.I obey. It's coffee. Everything caffeinated is life nowadays. As warmth goes down my freezing insides, satisfaction is what I feel. Coffee really makes me pleased."Good, isn't it?" Mom queries.I nod in agreement. It's coffee, so it has to be good."Just give me the signal if you're comfortable already to talk about it, the reason that made you sob last night," she says, reaching for her cup."How did I get onto your bed?" I change the topic unint
When I open my still-hurting eyes, I find myself lying on Mom's hospital bed. She's seated by me, a magazine in her hands. She casually flips pages until she notices me yawning. "It's breezy all day long," she says.I sit straight and then look at her but still lost in thoughts. "Yeah. Good morning," I say before getting off the bed. I sit down on a stool and then smell a strong aroma — coffee. I turn my head around and eventually see the trail of smoke, leading my eyes to two cups of coffee on the table."Take one, sweetheart," Mom orders.I obey. It's coffee. Everything caffeinated is life nowadays. As warmth goes down my freezing insides, satisfaction is what I feel. Coffee really makes me pleased."Good, isn't it?" Mom queries.I nod in agreement. It's coffee, so it has to be good."Just give me the signal if you're comfortable already to talk about it, the reason that made you sob last night," she says, reaching for her cup."How did I get onto your bed?" I change the topic unint
I’ve almost gotten out of my room when I look back at my charging phone. I sit on my bed and the plugged my charger out. I look at Ryle's number before finally hitting the ‘Call’ button. While my phone is ringing, I’m thinking of what I’m going to tell him. I shouldn't sound that curious even though I've actually been since the other night. He's my boyfriend, and I'm his girlfriend. He deserves space, and I do deserve why he needs one, or so I thoughy. He shouldn't be doing this alone. He can share to me what's going on because I hate myself sitting on the mattres and overthinking things.
“Mom told me about it the day after I acted like a dick to you,” Ryle says sorrily, sincerity evident in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Stella. I truly am.”I cup his cheeks and then sweetly kiss one of them. “I know the truth now, Ryle. I’m not mad anymore.” I then smile.He bitterly beams and stays silent for some seconds before speaking again. “I’ve only wanted us to get through this bullshit. I may not deserve you, but you deserve pure love, Stella. I’ll give it to you in any way whatever.”“Ryle.” I stand up, pulling him up as well. I wrap my arms around his broad trunk and then lean my head against his chest. His heartbeats are music to my ears. They calm me. I look back up at Ryle and just smile, my chin on the very center of his chest. “We deserve each other, Ryle. I want us to through this together. Never alone. My future is right in front of me. I’ll never let it go anymore. Ever,” I calmly say.He puts a peck on the tip of my nose and then replies, “I love you so much, baby. I’ll