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Self-pity
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2024-01-08 22:57:00Related chapters
A Castle of Secrets Forgiveness
Nightmare by Halsey(reprise) boomed all around us. “Take a shot with me?” I shouted over the music to Ezra. He still looked slightly uncomfortable being here. I'm not sure if it was me or the club scene. Probably both. “Sure,” he shrugged. We grabbed two shots, linking arms and tipping them back. Ezra looked unphased but I winced at the burn. “You okay?” “Did he hurt you?” Ezra leaned in, whispering against my ear. It was my turn to shrug, “Nothing I can’t handle.” He frowned, “That’s not what you’re supposed to say.” I grabbed his arm, pulling him over to a booth, “I don’t know what to say. I thought there was something between us. It is clear that I was wrong. That fucking hurts. But I don’t want to think about it. He’s not worth my peace of mind tonight.” Ezra studied my face before taking a deep breath, “I just want to make sure you’re okay. If it’s any consolation, he’s stupid and missing out on someone really special.” When I didn’t respond, Ezra le
Last Updated : 2024-01-10A Castle of Secrets A masterpiece
“It should be a sin for you to wear that dress outside of this room,” Chaos growled, his eyes dark with lust. “I don’t know.... I think I might wear it again next weekend.” Chaos was against me in a flash, wings exploding from his back as he wrapped them around me, and clawed the dress into tiny shreds, “Never. Again,” he nipped my earlobe. Scraps of shiny black fabric fell at my feet, “I think I like this outfit much better,” Chaos tilted my face to his, winking. His eyes followed my tongue as it darted out to moisten my suddenly dry lips. “For next weekend?” I glanced down eyeing my nearly nude form, “I think that it’s a bit scandalous personally....” “You are trouble, kitten,” Chaos shook his head playfully. His lips curled into a sexy grin, and I swear, I could have melted right there, “I’ve missed you so fucking much,” he held up his right hand, “You see this thing? Nothing compared to you.” A soft giggle escaped my lips as I stared at him. Never in my life would
Last Updated : 2024-01-11A Castle of Secrets Exhausting
Waking up wrapped in Chaos’ arms has flashes of last night flooding my mind. Ezra and Tessa taking me out. Chaos showing up. Our sex. Goddess, the sex. Slipping out of bed, I tiptoed to the bathroom to clean up before heading down for breakfast. I knew there was about to be an onslaught of problems waiting for me today. I was meant to be the perfect Queen. Do as you’re told. Wear something that will make the Kingdom proud. Don’t show weakness. Surely my mother would consider last night a moment of weakness. She would never understand the dynamic of Chaos, Elliot, and I. I’m happy, but happiness has never been the goal for me. Not in her eyes anyways. But now that I know she’s not my real mother, I understand why she’s always hated me. I just wish she would have chosen distance over brutality. I can’t imagine treating a child the way that she treated me; no matter the circumstances. My mind travels to the orphanage. To Finnley. I’ve been so wrapped up in the mess of my life that
Last Updated : 2024-01-12A Castle of Secrets Escape
“Moira, you continue to outdo yourself,” my voice came out muffled as muffin crumbs fell from my mouth as I spoke and I winced, glancing around to make sure no one had seen. Some habits are harder to break than others.She'd added a cinnamon crumble to the tops of her blueberry muffins, and I found myself moaning softly from the taste. “Dear, you are too kind,” she busied herself mixing the batter for her next creation. “What are you making now?” I questioned as she pointed up to the cranberries. After handing them to her she smiled, “Cranberry orange scones. My mother used to make them when I was just a pup. Would you like to stay and help an old woman out?” My lips pulled into a smile as I shook my head, “You, Moira, are not an old woman. But of course. It’s been too long since we’ve spent time together in the kitchen. Are you enjoying being in charge around here?” Moira instructed me to flour the countertop before dropping the dough and kneading it, “Of course. You know me
Last Updated : 2024-01-13A Castle of Secrets Everything(Elliot POV)
“Fucking hell.” The sunlight peeking through my haphazardly closed curtains is making my head fucking ache. The empty bottle of bourbon stares back at me in disapproval from my nightstand, “Fuck you too,” I groan at the bottle, swinging my arm out to knock it off of its high horse. Scrubbing my eyes with the butt of my palms, I throw the blankets off of my sweat-soaked body. I had another fucking dream about her. She’s like a fucking parasite that my brain can’t get rid of. No amount of alcohol, exercise, or sleep rids me of her. Grabbing my phone, I see it’s just after one in the afternoon. At least half of the day is gone so I don’t have to deal with myself or Chaos. Hearing him reminds me what a stupid piece of shit I am hourly is starting to get on my nerves. The room spins as I get to my feet, forcing me to flop back down onto the bed. I don’t know what happened or how it happened, but I wish it hadn’t. Lilliana was supposed to be a conquest. I wanted to prove to m
Last Updated : 2024-01-15A Castle of Secrets False realities
Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. My face feels damp as my cheek rests on something cold and hard. My eyes screw tight as I try to open them, getting a tiny glimpse of fluorescent lighting. The bulb is flashing in slow succession, making it hard to focus. The flashes are dizzying. Pushing myself up off the ground proves to be harder than I anticipated. My muscles feel like jello. What happened? How did I get here? Glancing around, I’m in the dungeons. Silver bars line two walls, while decrepit concrete lines the other. The smell down here is nauseating combined with that damn flashing light. “Hello?” I croak. My throat feels as if I’ve swallowed cotton and sand together. The sound of my voice echoed off the walls, bouncing around me and creating the illusion that I was in a cave. I suppose that is one of many torture tactics that we use for the unfortunate souls that find themselves down here. I walk around the cell, looking for any signs of life, but nothing. Not even an ant. T
Last Updated : 2024-01-16A Castle of Secrets Hiding behind your lies
Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. The ache in my head is nearly unbearable. “Lilliana. Please..... Wake up,” the voice assaulted my throbbing head, echoing around the room, "No, it hurts......" I groaned, wanting the darkness to consume me once again. The pain in my skull bounced around like a hot coal.My eyelids fluttered, catching the annoying flashing light above my head. I hated it almost as much as I hated that dreaded drip of water in the corner. Glancing to my left, I see Elliot with his head leaned against the bars, “Elliot...” My voice sounded foreign; throat parched. I’m considering letting that annoying drip quench my thirst. Any water would be better than nothing.“Lilliana, thank the Goddess,” Elliot’s voice sounded almost as bad as mine. Our eyes connected and I swear, I’ve never been so happy to be lost in a sea of blue in my entire life. I crawled over to him, ignoring my body’s protest and reached through the bars. His hand gently pushed my hair out of my face, pulli
Last Updated : 2024-01-17A Castle of Secrets Always
TRIGGER WARNING: NON-CON/SA It’s been three days. Three excruciatingly long days in this godforsaken cell. Between the sound of the dripping and the flashing light; I’m going certifiably insane. I didn’t speak to Elliot for two days. His confession broke me in a way I didn’t know was possible. But then I realized that my feelings were my own fault. Elliot told me what to expect from him over and over, but I callously disregarded that, convincing myself that my feelings would be enough for the both of us. But that’s not realistic..... You can’t force someone to want you. Each time he brings up the conversation; I shut it down. I’m not ready. I’m not sure I ever will be. “Why do you think it’s taking Chaos so long?” Elliot’s head rolled to the side, his blue eyes lazily meeting mine, “I can only assume the asshole put some sort of spell on this place. Chaos doesn’t respect boundaries,” he huffed, smiling and shaking his head. Elliot still looked just as handsome as always, des
Last Updated : 2024-01-18
Latest chapter
A Castle of Secrets Prologue (THE END)
“I think these may have been the greatest idea you’ve ever had,” I moaned, savoring the taste of another blueberry. My basket was nearing full, despite the fact that I’d eaten probably a hundred while picking them. Elliot had suggested we plant a garden full of fruit trees and bushes so that "we could relive meeting every day." Those were his words, not mine. The moment he'd said them, I swore someone had switched out the man I knew with some strange creature. “Aren’t all of my ideas superb?” Elliot quipped, watching me with a smile on his face. Standing on my tip-toes, I pushed a blueberry into his mouth, causing his eyes to widen, “See?!” “I’m just shocked you’d stick those dirty fingers into my mouth,” Elliot shook his head in mock irritation, “But the blueberry is delicious.” “Such a pain in the ass.” Elliot winked, “You knew what you were signing up for.” Sitting the basket on the wood, I pushed myself up onto the deck before flopping onto Elliot’s lap dramatica
A Castle of Secrets Didn't make it to hell
A soft knock on the door startled me, “May I come in?” Stella whispered, holding out a tray of coffees. “Of course.” She held the tray up, “I brought enough for everyone. Chaos knows he’s welcome to hang out. In the open,” Stella raised a brow, pulling a coffee out and handing it to me. “He says he prefers to be closer to me. Apparently next to me isn’t close enough,” a soft laugh escaped my lips, “Inside of me is the way to go.” 'Don't act like you don't love when I'm inside of you,' Chaos quipped. I could imagine him wagging his brows at the double meaning. He's not wrong. In either respect. Though I couldn't fathom the thought of being intimate right now. Maybe ever if I can't figure out how to fix this gaping hole that I call my heart. She rolled her eyes, “So dramatic, that man.” I nodded in agreement as Chaos separated from me, narrowing his eyes at Stella, “You do realize that I can hear everything. Is it a crime to want to be inside of an amazing woman?” he w
A Castle of Secrets Need him
Do you ever feel like your life is a series of moments threaded together, but one piece pulls away, unraveling everything as you know it? My father’s death created somewhat of a domino effect for me. I was like a rosebud. I had the potential to be something amazing, but without the proper nutrients, I would die before I bloomed. My mother had tried to starve me of everything I essentially needed to flourish. But in the end, she gave me the one thing that would change everything. I’ve been staring mindlessly out this window for what feels like a lifetime, but it couldn’t be more than a week. I've lost track of days, hours, minutes, seconds. None of that matters anyways.It’s stormed every day since he’s been gone. When I was a pup, the storms terrified me. I’d cry until Dallas relented, allowing me to stay in his room with him. Then, when he was gone, I’d welcomed them. Needed the sound of the thunder to fall asleep, like a baby needs a pacifier. Now, it simply feels as if it’s
A Castle of Secrets Good enough
“El..... It.... hurts,” I choked out, as pain spread through my body like wildfire. My body tensed up, feeling as if I’d been tased, “Di.... did I....do it wrong?” Elliot offered me a small smile. Even through the pain, I noticed his eyes were red and glassy, “It’ll be over soon, baby. You did perfect. Just, squeeze my hand.” Screwing my eyes shut, I focused on baby blues in the darkness, feeling the warmth of his hand while I waited for the pain to pass. Then, everything was numb. My body felt as if I were floating on a cloud. Warmth enveloped me as I opened my eyes. I felt different. Like parts of me were missing while simultaneously being filled with something new. Something better. “Fuck, kitten. I’m so proud of you,” Chaos praised in my head, “So fucking proud.” A choked sob escaped my throat, my eyes finding Elliot staring at me with his head tilted to the side. The glassiness was still present in his eyes. Relief flooded his features when I nodded at him, silently
A Castle of Secrets A hero(Chaos POV)
I’m so close to destroying everything. This mortal Earth is nothing without her. It would cease to exist without her presence. Her eyes haunt me every time I close mine. I’d wrap myself in every variation of emerald, green just to feel closer to her. I underestimated that walking fucking garbage can. Cassius was a waste of space and a disgrace to our kind. He’s been on some sick power trip for hundreds of years, mingling with the lowest of our kind. After we figured out what he was doing, my father sent me to murder those who aided him in becoming who he is. It is forbidden to go against the laws in hell. Despite being demons, we are to follow the law of Hades and never stray. We abide by a strict code, where Hades has the final rule. It prevents literal chaos from ensuing. Without order and discipline, Hell would be a madhouse. But we each hold ourselves to a certain standard and it typically worked until him. He consumed unwilling souls, learning ways around the law to bene
A Castle of Secrets The moment everything changed(Elliot POV)
TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of suicide Have you ever thought that you’d experienced the worst kind of pain, but really, it was nothing compared to the next thing? Or something that even follows that? In one moment, you think to yourself, ‘It can’t get worse than this,” but then, it always does? That’s what this feels like. Lilliana asked me what I thought would happen if she sold her soul to Chaos.... Would I feel our souls tearing apart? Would I feel the pain of rejection.... or would it be so much worse? Is she choosing him over me? “Elliot, you’ve been silent for what feels like a lifetime,” her soft voice broke me from my thoughts. “I....I’m not sure.” “Stella explained to us that Cassius wants to combine our magic. Light and dark. If I am the light magic, and Chaos is the dark magic; Do you think it’ll have the same effect? Will Chaos then become the stronger of the two of them?” Lilliana paused for a beat, “It has to be the same. Maybe better, because I’d be willing to g
A Castle of Secrets Need to get out of here
I had a dream last night. I wasn’t here, in this cell anymore. I was back at the little, dilapidated house near my oasis. Everything was as it would have been. No broken walls or rotted wooden floorboards. It was a home with light and warmth. The little home felt like it was mine.In the background, the sound of a record player ticked. Like the needle wasn’t quite hitting the groove as the record spun, creating an eerie sound.I walked towards the sound, lifting the needle, and causing pure silence. The type of silence that created a ringing in your ears. It was too much. Was I all alone here? Carefully adjusting the needle, a soft, haunting melody began playing. When the party’s over by Billie Eilish I stood before the warmth of the fire, hearing nothing but the soft piano in the background of the song. Closing my eyes, I swayed to the beat, humming along with the words. The urge to dance with someone was strong, "Elliot, dance with me," I called out into the silence, turning
A Castle of Secrets Geodes
TRIGGER WARNING:SA Sleep never comes easy when you lose track of time. I’m officially unsure of how long we’ve been down here or what time of day it is. That goddamned light flickering invades the darkness every time I close my eyes. Drip. Drip. Drip. “Where are you even coming from?!” I screamed at the water slowly dripping, then disappearing into the concrete. “Are you yelling at water right now?” Elliot groaned, making me gasp. He’s been unconscious for what feels like forever. “Thank the goddess,” I scrambled over to the adjoining wall. My heart beat rapidly as I stared at him with pleading eyes. Elliot looked like he’d been through the wringer. Dried blood surrounded his mouth as well as dripped from his temple. He had bruise marks around his neck in the shape of hands. The rise and fall of his chest seemed labored with every breath. “Never felt better,” Elliot forced a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. His icy blue looked like they’d lost their light, appearing g
A Castle of Secrets Medusa
Elliot looked at the ground before running his fingers through the mess of hair on his head. I stared, waiting for what he was going to say. The more I watched him, the more I realized how nervous he appeared. “The last few days without you kind of sucked,” his voice was low as our eyes met. I couldn’t fight the laughter that bubbled out. Shaking my head, I smiled, “I missed you too.” He relaxed, chuckling softly while shaking his head, “Just call me out like that.” My laughter died down as I shrugged, “If you’re going to tell me a truth. Make it the truth. Deal?” “Okay,” Elliot whispered softly, “Your turn.” “Are we making this a game?” “How about twenty-one questions?” Elliot raised a brow, watching my reaction. Before I could say anything, he read my mind, “I promise to be honest.” Heat flooded my cheeks, nodding slowly, “What’s your favorite food?” “Starting off cutthroat with that question I see,” Elliot winked, “A good burger does it for me. Extra pickles. Pepp
