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Hate Myself
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2023-11-18 16:24:45Related chapters
A Bride For The Mafia King One Friend
PortiaFuck you for doing this to me.Right.Because I made him threaten to break my cousin's neck. I made him into this crazy man who has a personality disorder.Who's scary as fuck.I suck in a shaky breath. He wants me to look pretty tonight? That's not happening. My eyes are puffy and red, skin blotchy from crying all day long and over what?Him? God. Something is seriously wrong with me. Maybe it's me with the mental disorder.“I need a friend, Portia. Just one friend."I pick at my cuticle and try to forget how he looked when he said that. How he sounded.How much more screwed up can things get?Someone knocks on the door and I expect Lenore with another tray of food. She's tried twice now but it's not that I don't want to eat. It's that I can't.It's close to five so I guess it's a soldier making sure I'm getting ready. I'll be ready. I won't look pretty but I'll put on a dress and show up and say those two words.Period."Come in."But when the door opens, Nathan's standing th
Last Updated : 2023-11-18A Bride For The Mafia King Get Me Married
CallahanI consult my watch, adjust my cuff link.She has four minutes.It's cooler today than it's been, a storm slowly rolling in. I watch the clouds as I think about the afternoon. My uncle is pissed I wouldn't tell him where the wedding would take place.I don't want him there for a stupid reason. I don't want him to see my mother's ring on Portia's finger.Lenore must have mentioned that Father Michael would be performing the ceremony. He thought that was dramatic and unnecessary.I told him I needed it to be done right. In a church with a priest. No city hall. I told him I didn't want the cartel thinking it's not a real marriage. Not that I really think they would. We'd be legally married in a ceremony at civil hall too.The men have secured the chapel, sir," Dante says to me.I nod and the roof door opens. "Still not sure why a justice of the peace wouldn't have done it," Antonio notes.I don't comment. He doesn't like Portia simply because she is an Esmeralda. I understand.N
Last Updated : 2023-11-18A Bride For The Mafia King Dressed In Black
PortiaCallahan marches me down the aisle much the same way as he marched me upstairs last night.The priest clears his throat, his smile vanishing when he sees the dress, sees Callahan's hand around my arm.The chapel is simple, the pews unadorned, the floors stone, some broken. If there are graves beneath them, they're so old their names and dates have been worn away by time. The altar though, is something to see. Arched ceilings painted turquoise, like the ocean. I bet during the day when sunlight shines through the stained-glass window, it's spectacular. The altar itself is as simply made as the pews but the gold chalice and the other paraphernalia are as beautiful as in any church. I wonder if they lock the gold away at night. I would.But then again, I don't trust anyone."Begin," Callahan commands, shifting his grip from my arm to my hand, weaving his fingers with mine. Not quite how lovers would hold hands but, holding on to me to let me know he has me. That I'm already his.
Last Updated : 2023-11-18A Bride For The Mafia King Make Me
CallahanI need to make one stop before goingto my wife.Heathcliff Esmeralda has just been discharged from the hospital. When I arrive at his home, he seems surprised. I don't think he realized knew where he lived but he's quick to check his expression and invite me into the plain, uncared for house.“You rent it furnished?" I ask although I already know.“Easier," he says. "Whiskey?" he seems chastened. At least a little. His arm is in a sling, but it's not broken. He's got a soft bandage around it."How is it?" I gesture to it.“Hurts when I move anything. But I have good meds."He's not taking them though. I can tell from how tightly his face is set.I take the whiskey he offers and drink a sip only because he drinks from his first and it was poured from the same bottle."So. Fernando was in Mexico all along?" he asks.I nod."Didn't your uncle or someone in your organization have intelligence on him?"“I'm not here to discuss my uncle or our organization, or even Fernando for th
Last Updated : 2023-11-18A Bride For The Mafia King No Virgin
CallahanI lean over her, pushing her torso down. Keeping her wrists at her lower back, I straighten and use my knee to widen her stance.She goes still as I take her in, her beautiful ass open to me. My dick is a fucking steel rod.When I touch her hip, she jumps like she wasn't expecting it. She's up on tiptoe, lean calf and hamstring muscles tensing.“Stay," I tell her. I let go of her wrists. She remarkably does as she's told.Hands on her cheeks, I splay her open, look at her. At her tiny asshole, the open lips of her pussy.She tries to clench her cheeks, but I keep her open.“You're so fucking beautiful like this. Your pussy open and wet for me. Your asshole so tempting." I touch my thumb to her asshole and she clenches.“Callahan — ”But her breath catches as I crouch down and extend the tip of my tongue to her clit and lick all the way up through her wet folds to her other hole, laying the flat of my tongue on her as I repeat downward then back again, tasting her, wanting her
Last Updated : 2023-11-18A Bride For The Mafia King Cocked Gun
PortiaI hear the lock turn a moment after he's gone.My heart is racing and I'm shivering. He was so angry. But I never lied to him. There just wasn't any way I could tell him.Whore.The word rings like an accusation. It's not the first time I've been called one but this time, hearing it from him, it hurts.He accused me of fucking Fernando Mancini. If I had, it wouldn't have been consensual. Doesn't he know that? I'm not a whore.And I don't know why I'm sitting here crying. I should be pissed. Offended.Or relieved. He won't touch me again. It's what I wanted, isn't it?We're enemies now, truly. It's what I told him I wanted.I shiver with cold as the rain outside beats down on the house. I pull the blanket up around my shoulders and the wedding band drops to the tiled floor. It bounces once before coming to rest.I feel sad. So fucking sad. I feel like I did at the house after he told me about his enemies and asked me to be his friend.Maybe he's right. Maybe I am just like my br
Last Updated : 2023-11-18A Bride For The Mafia King Mermaid Tail
PortiaIt's so quiet, it's almost eerie. I look up at the ceiling, watching steam rise from my bath. I hear a drop of water fall into the tub. That's it. That's the only sound. And it feels somehow wrong.The bedroom door opens. I turn my head, but from this angle I can't see who it is. It's quiet again. Like whoever opened the door just walked away."Callahan?" I ask quietly, sitting up, drawing my knees toward my chest.He doesn't answer. No one does, but if I listen closely, I hear footsteps in the living room, then whispers. Men's whispers. Soldiers?No.Not soldiers.Ice coats my spine when I hear his voice. He shouldn't be here. Callahan wouldn't allow him to be here.Would he? He wouldn't do that to me, would he?I look around for a robe, a towel. Something to cover myself, but his footsteps become more pronounced.He's not trying to be quiet. The opposite.He's in the bedroom so I remain in the tub, my arms hugging my knees to my chest.And then he's leaning against the doorwa
Last Updated : 2023-11-18A Bride For The Mafia King She's Gone
CallahanIt's a dream. I know it. There's a texture to it. An echo in the sound. I know it and it still doesn't make a difference.This fucking nightmare, this chapter of my life, will always own me.Except that this time, something's different. But I can't figure out what it is.The marble is cold beneath me as I watch the blood circle widen.Deep red on pristine white.They're already here. My brothers. My father. I can hear them, but I can't open my eyes to see.I hear her too. My mother.I drag my eyelids open. The first thing I see is my own reflection in the mirror of blood. My face white as the marble should be. I should have died. Why didn't I die?They're on their knees. Michael's already dead. His eyes are open but he's already dead.That echo comes again and then I hear it. I hear him tear her dress.See her pushed to her knees in my periphery. See her hands slip in Michael's blood.She's wearing a red dress tonight. She wasn't wearing red that night. But maybe that's blood
Last Updated : 2023-11-18
Latest chapter
A Bride For The Mafia King epilogue
PortiaWe're lying in bed, Callahan's big arms around me. I'm curled into him, our heads resting on the same pillow.He's playing with a strand of my hair. I touch his unshaved face, liking the stubble."I would be dead if it wasn't for you," he says.I study him, thinking about what I need to tell him.“I didn't want to live afterward. I wanted to die. Even though I knew it would kill Antonio, I just couldn't. But then there you were, and you made me remember things. Made me feel things. Made me care again. Maybe you make me less selfish, Portia."“You've never been selfish, Callahan.”He shrugs a shoulder."I need to tell you something," I start. I take a breath in and lay on my back to stare up at the ceiling. He puts a hand on my belly. Slides it up to cup a breast.“I like this," he says. “I like a little more meat on you.""Well, I'm glad you think so." I sit up, put my pillow on my lap."What is it?" he asks, all serious when he sees my expression. He sits up too and takes the
A Bride For The Mafia King Love Is A Drug
PortiaHe also told me about Antonio, about him possibly being a product of rape. He's already sent DNA to a lab for a paternity test. We're waiting on the results."Petrov has disappeared. Diamente thinks he'd arranged the explosives to detonate after he left." I'd assumed the explosions were from Callahan's men, a distraction, but this makes much more sense."Why would he have done that?"Callahan shrugs a shoulder."Maybe he knew Felix and his fondness for cameras? Maybe he just hated the assholes present? Who knows? Who cares?""Who is he?""Russian businessman. That's all I've been able to get so far. But I'll find him.""We will find him," says a low, raspy voice from the bed.I gasp, turn my head. Callahan is beside the bed in an instant."Brother!"A doctor and two nurses rush in. They must have been alerted by the machines to Antonio's waking."Well, it's good to see you're awake, Mr. Scarfoni," the doctor says, smiling."I'd have opened my eyes earlier but these two were dec
A Bride For The Mafia King A New Dawn
PortiaI carry two cups of coffee into Antonio's room. Callahan is sitting across from his bed watching him. Maybe willing him to open his eyes. To wake up.Callahan is alive. Battered and bruised, his hearing comes and goes but he's alive. The blast had knocked him out. For a minute, I thought he was gone, really gone this time, but he's back.He looks over at me, stands. I take in the bandages I can see on his arms, his neck, the side of his head and I'm sure he does the same with mine.But it could be worse.I glance at Antonio.“You need to let the doctor look at you again,” I tell him."After." Smears of blood and dirt still stain his clothes and skin. I know most of it isn't his at least.He takes one of the cups of coffee and leads me to a chair. He sits down beside me, and we watch Antonio together.It's been twenty-seven hours since the house blew up.Twenty hours since Antonio came out of surgery.I don't know how many hours or days since David kidnapped me.I look at Callah
A Bride For The Mafia King Nine Lives
PortiaCallahan stands and helps me up."Don't look at him. He doesn't deserve your gaze."Antonio reads something on his phone, and I see the Glock he's holding at his side."Our men are on the grounds, not in the house yet though."I hear gunfire outside the house then, and a moment later, a small explosion.Callahan goes to the window, one arm wrapped around me, as he looks out over the front yard. I see the men out there, the gunfight. I notice the fire at the far end of the house.“We need to move," he tells Antonio, then turns his attention to me. "Is Felix on site?"“I don't know," I say.He nods. "If he is, I'll find him. But I need to get you out first." He holds my hand, and we walk around the bed to where the dead man is lying face down in his own blood. He bends to tug his knife out of the man's side.I notice the new injury on his side then. The bandage over the new set of stitches long gone. I touch it tentatively.“You're hurt."He takes my wrist, shifting his grip to m
A Bride For The Mafia King Back From The Dead
PortiaThe chains that bind my wrists to my ankles are removed and my arms are stretched overhead, bound to a metal rung on the headboard. I'm flipped onto my stomach, the cuffs clanging as I'm tugged downward. The link that hobbled me is also removed. My legs are pulled apart, stretched to either corner of the bed and linked to the rungs there.The two men responsible for preparing me, stand back and look down at me. One tugs the pillow out from under my head and shoves it beneath my belly. He nods, meets my eyes and cups his erection."I'll take your ass when it's my turn," he says in Spanish. "Save me a piece."I spit at him.He slaps my ass."Hey," the other soldier interrupts and points to the corner where I see one of those flashing red lights again. The camera is hidden but the soldiers know about it. They must be Felix's men."After."The man glances at the blinking light, nods then returns his attention to me. "If there's anything left."They walk out but don't close the door
A Bride For The Mafia King We
Portia"You won't be walking out of here tonight."Did she mean that literally?Because if this is Felix's plan for me, then I'll be fucked by every man out there in turn.I hear the woot of the onlookers once the curtain is fully raised. I can't see much of them and I think that's on purpose. The spotlight follows me even when I turn my head.A man calls out a ridiculous number and makes a lewd comment. Several laugh out loud as the auctioneer chuckles into his microphone, tapping his gavel twice to get everyone's attention.“You haven't even seen it all yet,” he notes in a sing-song voice.Two sets of hands take hold of my arms and force me to turn.When they do, I catch a glimpse of the blinking red light coming from the top corner of the room.Felix is recording this. Is it for me? Well, I should say is it for him?To show those who won't pledge loyalty to him what happens if you are his enemy? Or is it to hold onto after these men leave. Material to blackmail them when it suits h
A Bride For The Mafia King Lone Ranger
Callahan"I don't think..." the man starts then stops. "Shit!"I follow his gaze to where another vehicle drives erratically toward us from inside the gates. It's a large SUV and I can only make out the shadows of the two in the front seat. The driver honks his horn angrily."Petrov," the one with the clipboard says."Mother fucker," the other one curses.The driver lays on his horn opening his window and flipping us or the guards or the whole lot of us off as he barrels toward us and even over the music, I can hear him laughing."Fucking asshole," clipboard guy says as he jumps backward.I hit the gas and pull through the gates, only managing to miss the SUV by a hair. In the rearview mirror I see it swerve as if to run over the soldiers."Who the fuck is fucking Petrov?" Antonio asks."He's the asshole that got us in," I say once we're far enough away from the gates that I can't see the soldiers stationed there anymore."Two guards at the front door," Antonio says.I park the car wh
A Bride For The Mafia King Pound The Alarm
Callahan"Any chance we can get eyes on the estate? Gauge what we're walking into," I ask Diamente as we drive toward the location in Eindhoven. I watch the dark sky, the raindrops only a nuisance on the windshield now. Clouds are rolling angrily in the distance, illuminated by still-silent flashes of light.Dante is coordinating more manpower and Antonio is sitting beside me staring out the window, hands fisted."We can't get closer than the public road leading up to the house. They've got their own drones," Diamente says."Of course, they do."I have him on speaker phone but I'm not sure Antonio's listening."From what I've learned about past auctions, they issue, at most, two dozen invitations. In most cases, the buyer himself doesn't attend. They send someone in their place. None of these men want to be in the same room together if they can help it. None of them want to be seen.""Makes sense. How do they know what they're bidding on?""A brochure would have circulated prior to th
A Bride For The Mafia King Shocking Standoff
Portia“Which one started the crying fest here?" she asks, eyes on the girls.The guard who is responsible for the guilty one, pushes his charge forward.The woman steps toward her, cocks her head to look at her then touches her face, wiping away a tear. "Look what you've done to your face. Your makeup will have to be fixed, The others too."The girl swallows standing suddenly, very straight. I realize why when I see how the woman with the clipboard is holding her chin, nails digging into skin."But there's always one example to be made," the woman says and gestures to the other woman to step forward. “I'm going to give you a choice. Each of you sobbing will have the same choice to make if you're still crying like babies when I'm finished with this one."The one from the kitchen steps forward and raises her hand to show what she's holding. It's a large wooden paddle that I imagine can do real damage.“We'll need to make sure our customers understand there's a reason you're crying. Six
