POVMillie My fingers delicately graze the bright green grass as the morning dew coats my fingers as I sit full of depression cross-legged on the ground. I arrived twenty minutes ago, just after sunrise. I let out a loud exhale and succumbed to my depressive state, letting tears fall in a stream down my face for the first time since I left. I pointlessly wipe away continuous tears with X’s black hoodie that I’m still wearing. It smells like him which makes me cry even harder. “Mama” I cry out to the headstone in front of me. “I wish you were here, I really need you right now,” I whisper through sobs. “I need you to tell me what to do, I need your guidance mom, I’m so freaking alone.” I stare at the glossed stone through blurry eyes. What am I going to do? I’m completely at square one, once again. I need to figure out what is going to happen for the next two weeks. I can afford a motel or hotel now luckily, but should I stay in San Diego or Los Angeles? I need a new phone. Now
POVMillie My fingers delicately graze the bright green grass as the morning dew coats my fingers as I sit full of depression cross-legged on the ground. I arrived twenty minutes ago, just after sunrise. I let out a loud exhale and succumbed to my depressive state, letting tears fall in a stream down my face for the first time since I left. I pointlessly wipe away continuous tears with X’s black hoodie that I’m still wearing. It smells like him which makes me cry even harder. “Mama” I cry out to the headstone in front of me. “I wish you were here, I really need you right now,” I whisper through sobs. “I need you to tell me what to do, I need your guidance mom, I’m so freaking alone.” I stare at the glossed stone through blurry eyes. What am I going to do? I’m completely at square one, once again. I need to figure out what is going to happen for the next two weeks. I can afford a motel or hotel now luckily, but should I stay in San Diego or Los Angeles? I need a new phone. Now
POVXI hop on Interstate 5 driving southbound to San Diego. I’m going as fast as I can without drawing attention to myself. Although I have cops who work for me on the inside, it’s the rookie pricks who want a gold star that I need to watch out for the most. Goddammit, I want to floor this son of bitch. Every minute feels like an hour, I need to get to her. I love this girl and I know that anytime she’s upset she calls her mom, well she’s livid and heartbroken, doesn’t exactly have a phone to call Mom so that of course would mean she’s at the cemetery. Fuck, I started driving without even knowing where I’m going, my one thought was San Diego but not where in San Diego. I try to pull my phone from my pocket.“Fuck!” My hand is killing me and I just rubbed it against my pants. The friction of one another sends a searing pain all the way up my shoulder. “Ray,” I say through the phone. “I’m sorry X, I’m still working on Miss Taylor’s location, I need a bit more time,” Ray explains
POVMillieThree years of pent-up frustration and despair were just released. I couldn’t hold it in for a second longer as it was boiling over uncontrollably, spewing like a volcano and the pressure has finally been set free. Steph has tears falling rapidly from her eyes as mine have stopped. My heart is still going a mile a minute from my breakdown, I inhale and exhale the warm California air into my lungs as I feeling a weight has been lifted. “Okay, I’m done,” I say to Steph. She doesn’t say anything, just grabs onto me tightly and cries. “I’m sorry you felt this way in solidarity Emily, I’m so sorry, I should’ve been there for you more,” She sobs. “No Steph, I did this to myself, you have nothing to be sorry for,” I explain, now consoling her, the two of us are an actual train wreck. Steph wipes away her tears, “so now what?” She asks shrugging her shoulders. “Well for starters, I need a new phone,” I laugh, surprising myself. “Yeah, I’ll say,” Steph says rolling her eye
POV Millie “Hey, Steph? I’m going to go see my old neighbors in about an hour,” I say handing her phone back to her. “Okay, sure. I think I’ll drop by my parent's house while you do that then.” She explains. I nod my head. Ugh, I have nothing here! All of my stuff is still in the penthouse. I guess I’ll have to go there in my current messy state. …After about 45 minutes of sitting mostly in silence with Steph in the hotel room, I decide it’s time to head out. We both walk down together to the cars. I point to the car that Steph walks to, “Um, whose car is that..?” I ask.“Mia’s,” she says proudly. “She knows what happened?” I ask. Steph shakes her head, “no.” …I drive to my old apartment complex, making it there within ten minutes. It’s incredible really, a few weeks ago I hated this place and loved driving away from it with the intent of never returning. As I drive into the complex parking lot, it really doesn’t seem so bad. Perspective. Perspective is everything, so
POVMillie I arrive back at the hotel room just after 6 pm and Steph isn’t back yet. I’m all alone again and with each passing minute without a distraction, I’m missing him. It’s been 14 hours since I walked in on the most horrific scene. I hate that I miss someone who dares to do that to me. I replay some of the events in my head as I lay myself on the queen bed looking up at the white popcorn ceiling. I love you He actually told me he loves me, it was the very worst situation to tell someone you love them especially when your actions contradict your words. Do I believe he loves me? Yeah..maybe..Do I think he genuinely wanted to fuck Aspen? I don’t know, not really but clearly this deal meant more to him than me. Do I believe we can move past this one day? No, and that self conformation hurts like a bitch. Although X is still alive, he may as well be dead. We will not talk anymore, we will not see each other, hug, kiss, or share each other’s bodies again. Oh god. That part wa
POV Millie I sit myself down cross-legged on the soft green grass. I set my less-than-impressive bouquet of flowers down next to the beautiful white roses. I’m in absolute awe right now by whoever did this for my mom, she totally deserves it. The beautiful scenery is a perfect way to tell my mom what I came here to say. “Mom?” I say as my voice breaks, great…I’ve gotten one single word out and I’m already on the verge of tears again. I take a deep breath and exhale trying to compose myself. “Mom,” I say in a much more composed way. “I need to talk to you about something. I don’t know how to say this but just know I love you okay? Just know I will never forget you and the relationship we had, just know I’m sorry for what I did to you and just know I’ll always carry you with me, but I need to let you go.” I say and the tears come flowing as I knew they would when I said those heart wrench words out loud. “You wouldn’t want this for me. You didn’t give me life so I could stop it
POVXI am just now pulling into the house after my two-hour drive back from San Diego. Earlier this morning, I went to a flower shop and bought some flowers for Millie’s mom. I know Millie will probably never know about the flowers or the note but honestly, it wasn’t for her to see. It was an appreciation to her mother for raising the love of my life. I don’t know where Millie and Stephanie stayed last night or even if they stayed in San Diego last night but I slept in that prick, Ghost’s truck in a nearby parking lot of the cemetery. I was so exhausted from the lack of sleep, drugs, alcohol, driving and just everything this past weekend brought on. My hands are still so fucked up that I need to get Evelyn back over here later to get the rest of the glass out. As soon as I had that camera notification come up on my phone yesterday morning, I booked it out of Julian’s place leaving Evelyn in some serious confusion. By now, Evelyn is used to our antics. She gets paid well to not qu