Novels by Carson Thornhill

I am at home. I've been staring at a glass full of water on the kitchen counter for at least forty minutes. Lanton hasn't come home yet and I'm still thinking about how I ran away from Haris today when he tried to give me a treat. But I couldn't do anything when the image of my ex-boyfriend popped into my mind, or rather invaded my mind right at that most inopportune moment.I think I'm completely fucked now. I knew I would have trouble dealing with him, but it seems my feelings get stronger every day. In the end, I conclude that Lanton being away now might be good for both of us, since I have much more important things to think about. I read absolutely nothing of that stupid book because I believe that being in the middle will give me more knowledge. Dinner is already on the table and everyone is going downstairs for lunch; Devi comes with the phone in his hand and Mum goes towards Daud's office, knocking on the door and telling him that dinner is on the table.It's a daily ritual fo

I didn't see Lanton today. Did I mention it bothers me too much? I didn't, right? Yeah, it bothers me. I've been looking for him all day, and I found people who said that yes, he came to school today, but for some reason, I haven't seen a shadow of him. Haris also told me that he has already seen him today after the apology and that made me irritated for the rest of the day. Haris and I have lunch together and I let him get into this fantasy that we are now dating because I thought sneaking a few kisses would make me a little less thoughtful, but it was the opposite.While I kiss Haris in the empty music room. The end of the hour has hit and technically Devi should be waiting for me by now, but I decide to make her wait another ten minutes. Haris places me on a shelf and now I am feeling his tongue in my mouth. It's good, in general, I mean, he knows what he's doing, that's very obvious. But he's in a real hurry and it doesn't take long before he's lifting my shirt out of my trousers

I had a class with Lanton today but I didn't see a shadow of him and I found out that this bothers me a lot. I can't concentrate properly in class because it bothers me that he just decided suddenly that he's not going to be after me like he always was. What happened to the speech that he would always love me? Was it false? Did he decide that he's not going to love me anymore or did it really happen?I know better than anyone that this feeling doesn't happen overnight, so I also know that his feelings didn't change from Saturday to Sunday, because it's impossible to happen. Now it's up to me to find out why he decided to avoid me just when I really need to get along with him.I manage to escape from the lab class by hiding in the bathroom that is right in front of the library door. As soon as the librarian leaves, I go in, looking for her among the several corridors of shelves there. And it's a really big place, with two floors and Devi is on the last one, leaning against the wall, wi

I am tying the shoelace of my shoe as I try to think about how I should approach Daud months after making it clear almost every day that I had no interest in approaching him at all, on the pretext of gaining some trust. Devi told me how I should start by acting, so that I wouldn't look weird, awkward or any word that would refer to that."I have no idea how to do that, to be honest," I tell myself as I look at my reflection. The worst part of all of this is that I will have to deal with Lanton a lot more now than ever before.Just thinking about what happened last Saturday makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. It just means I'll have to treat him with some respect? Maybe I'll even have to smile at him, which will be a nuisance. As a matter of fact, Lanton left the house on Sunday morning and by the time I went to bed at night, he still hadn't arrived.I didn't worry - or at least I tried to - but I admit that when I got to the car and saw Devi inside and no sign of Lant

Devi takes me to her room, lets me sit on her bed and leaves the room, returning some time later with a glass of water. I am already calm when she enters the room, but I still gladly accept the water. She doesn't ask anything, just looks at me, but I don't feel pressured at any point. After a while, she just lets out:"I figured your aversion to Lanton was because of his family. You don't really hate him, do you? I could tell right away."I don't look at her, but through the window, which was open; Devi probably wasn't asleep when she heard me making a fuss in the hallway, luckily she found me before anyone else or I wouldn't know how to explain what had left me in that deplorable state."I love him," I reveal to Devi, who nods and looks down. "But I can't let my mother get involved in that dangerous world, Devi. Everyone knows how your mother died here, in a cruel and inhuman way. I don't want the same fate for her. My mother made terrible choices in life, like running away from home

But he doesn't stop. Obvious. And a big part of me wants him to continue, because a big part of me misses him so much. Very much so. I turn around slowly and I can already smell the strong scent of drink, but I can still smell the perfume so strongly. I look down, because I feel too ashamed to look up, to look into his eyes, because I know I'll completely surrender and all the months I've tried to distance myself from him and treat him in the worst possible way will be in vain."Look at me," he says. "Look at me, Lukman. I am totally yours.""I can't." I say. "I can't touch you and I don't want to, you should leave.""I'm not leaving until you finally look at me," he whispers, bringing his hand to my cheek. "Please..."Lanton kisses me lightly on the neck, giving me more and more goosebumps. I'm still unable to look into his eyes even now, my heart is racing and I don't know how much longer I can bear it, his presence is too intense and I loved letting myself be taken by him in every